Just Keep That Opinion To Yourself
I’m no longer obsessing over the silly stuff
I probably don’t care about your opinion about me.
There were times when it would have mattered. I remember a comment by a random stranger on the elevator one time had me obsessing for days.
She said that my constant smiling was offensive. Life couldn’t be that good all the time. I hadn’t even noticed her around the office (the building had 14 floors of people if I recall correctly) before she had spoken. Evidently, she had noticed me. I was headed to my office from the parking deck and not thinking about anything in particular.
But life could be that good most of the time. My life was good. I was happy. As a result, I smiled a lot.
But yet this stranger with an aversion to people smiling got under my skin. I worried. Did I seem fake? Should I make a conscious effort not to smile as much? Was my happy life offensive to others?
I eventually told my dad about it. I had gone home for the weekend, we were talking, and I mentioned the incident.
My unemotional dad, who never (ever) worried about what anyone thought about him, said exactly the right thing.
“Why should that stranger’s opinion matter to you? She doesn’t know you.”
It was a good reminder to me. My dad, who had been there to watch me fight through a lot of issues every day of my life and knew me well, respected the woman I had become. This woman? She didn’t matter.
That was a catalyst in my life to look at the opinions of others differently. There are a few questions you should ask when people say those things intended to spear or discourage us.
- Is it important? This question should have been the first thing I asked myself. Why would I invest time worrying about whether I was smiling too much? Such a silly idea. It showed my insecurity, which was magnified by her obvious insecurity.
- Is it valid? At the time there were a lot of legitimate areas about which she could have criticized me. What kind of person is offended by another’s happiness?
- Does the person know me? This woman didn’t know me at all. I know myself well, and most days, I like me. That was one of them. Well, until she inserted the knife.
- Does it matter to them? Why in the world would my smiling matter to this stranger? She was talking about her issues and trying to draw me down to her level of unhappiness.
- Does it matter to me? It did matter to younger me, but I was wrong. I valued what others said more than what I thought about myself. I’ve learned better now. If that is a problem with you, decide to stop that today.
This incident happened years ago. If it happened now, I would realize it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her. I might even have some compassion for her.
I think this quote captures these types of comments quite well.
“Unsolicited advice is the junk mail of life.” — Bernard Williams
Sometimes the best thing to do with junk mail is to throw it in the bin before it gets out of control.