Just Joking

My recent attempts at humour

For the last little while I have been adding a joke to the end of my stories. Here’s a collection of my recent offerings.

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ To all my readers I hope you are staying positive and testing negative”

Jim McAulay🍁 says: “When my daughter left for university I felt a great emptiness in my life, specifically in my checking account.”.

Jim McAulay🍁says: “To the thief who stole my anti-depressants. I hope you are happy now.”.

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles.”

Jim McAulay🍁says, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what’s for lunch?”

Jim McAulay🍁says: “Has anybody else noticed that Titanic, iceberg, Republican, and covid all contain the letter c”.

Jim McAulay🍁says: “My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick, especially because his name is Steve.”.

Jim McAulay🍁says: “My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat”.

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ Today I am doing nothing because I started doing it yesterday and I wasn’t finished.”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ Never be afraid to try something new. Amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “Carpenter ants are the same as other ants. Except rainy days and Mondays always get them down.”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ The 3 Stages of Man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Clause. He is Santa Claus.”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ My wife is so negative. I remembered to pack the stroller and the diaper bag and all she can think about is my forgetting the baby.”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ As a result of new Covid 19 regulations, starting next Monday, mail carriers will be working from home. They will read your mail and call you if there is anything important.”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ We stand today at a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ A student ate his homework because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “Can you buy a whole chess set in a pawn shop?”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ Why do they use artificial flavor for lemon juice and real lemons for dish detergent?”

Jim McAulay🍁 asks, “ Why is the third hand on a clock called the second hand?”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ I’m looking for a small black and white dog. I was resetting the password on my cell phone and the dog barked and ran away. I’ve got to find him so I can get back into my phone.”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical questions?”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ If George Washington were asked for identification would he just show them a quarter?”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ The difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac is a comma. The literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “Do they allow loud laughter in Hawaii or just a low “ha”?”

Jim McAulay🍁 says, “ I hate it when I think I’m buying organic, but when I get home I discover that they’re just regular doughnuts.”