Just Another “I’m Quitting Alcohol” Post

Nothing to see here, not even a good rock-bottom story.

I know I’m supposed to start this article with a shocking story of my poor relationship with alcohol. Maybe something like a night in jail or passing out at a wedding.

I really should start with a compelling story that will make you think, “Well, at least I’m not as bad off as this woman. She definitely should stop drinking.”

Sorry. It’s not here.

I’ve never blacked out or forgotten a night from alcohol. I have, however, regretted a lot of things that I’ve said or done with alcohol swirling in my system. It seems as though alcohol undergirded all my worst decisions in life, but this post is not about regrets.

I’m quitting alcohol for the simple reason that it disrupts and weakens my life more than it aids or uplifts.

Trust me. I’ve thought this through. I even did an old-school pros and cons list about alcohol.

Here are my three pros:

• Social situations are easier. As an introvert, I will always choose a night in over a party. Alcohol makes it easier for me to talk. Unfortunately, I often regret a lot of what I say, so this is a weak pro, but I’m trying to be as honest as possible. Also, I avoid the awkwardness of being the only one not drinking.
• Wineries. My brother lives in California, and we have some great wineries here in Virginia, so it’s a common leisure activity to visit a winery. I enjoy tasting a flight of wine and then taking in the views.
• Bonding with my husband over a bottle of wine. My husband enjoys both wine and bourbon, and he enjoys sharing a bottle of wine together at dinner and while we watch a movie. In fact, respecting these times together has been a big reason I’ve waited to stop drinking. It’s the strongest pro to drinking.

The list of cons is a bit longer:

• Poor sleep. I turn my lights off at 9 p.m. By 1 a.m., I’m wide awake until about 3 a.m.
• Thirst. I wake up because I’m so thirsty, but the dehydration feels impossible to catch up on even after I wake. It takes days of no drinking to feel hydrated, and if I drink nightly, I can’t catch up.
• Heightened emotions, usually the negative ones. Normal work stress develops into anxiety. A sad moment turns into “I’m in a funk today.” I’ve noticed this days after a night of drinking.
• More likely to regret something I said. I have a terrible habit of replaying and overanalyzing everything I say, especially after a social situation.
• Dry mouth and bad breath. It only takes one glass of wine before I have cotton mouth.
• I’m a runner, and my workouts are a struggle when I’ve been drinking. I get through them, but there’s no chance of hitting that elusive “runner’s high.”
• Hangovers and headaches. As I said earlier, I’ve never blacked out, but I have had enough drinks to feel miserable the next day. That headache and nausea that won’t quit is no fun.
• Expensive habit. Drinking adds up.
• Less ability to focus, even days later. No amount of meditation can clear my mind when I’m drinking regularly. My mind feels pulled in different directions and constantly going, like it’s on its own tiny treadmill.
• Constant fatigue. Even after naps, and of course due to poor sleep, I hit the afternoon slump earlier and longer. In turn, I just want to sit down and sip wine, and the vicious cycle begins again.
• Restless Leg Syndrome. With the dehydration and running, RLS usually plagues me at night when I’ve had some drinks.

Lastly, I’m honestly exhausted thinking about alcohol. Should I drink tonight? What do I have going on tomorrow? How many calories in this drink? Will I regret this drink? No other substance requires so much mental energy.

I have a long list of things I want to accomplish in 2024, and alcohol impedes ALL of them.

Therefore, I’m experimenting on myself. I’m quitting alcohol for one full year (at least).

I know I’ll feel better. I’ve quit before (Dry January; Sober October) but never a full year. I figure a full year allows the whole body to reset and rebuild after years of alcohol, and I can give myself a fighting chance.

I don’t want to just feel better — I want to do better.

I need my body to support my endeavors, not hinder them, so I’m examining everything I put into it.

By now, you’re probably wondering, Why not just drink on occasion? Why not have a drink or two on date night? Why be so dramatic and drastic?

Alcohol provides a dopamine hit. For me, it is much easier to quit entirely then to attempt to mitigate those dopamine hits. Once I get over the cravings, I’m golden. Otherwise, the cravings always come back. It’s exactly the same with social media likes. One like or follow is a tiny dopamine hit that I then crave.

When it comes to dopamine-inducing harmful behaviors, I do better to cut them out entirely. It’s just something I’ve learned about myself.

I’ve tried moderation. The “I’ll only drink on Saturdays” quickly evolves to “okay, just weekends,” which then grows to “but it’s a long weekend.” In less than a month, I’m drinking nightly again.

I told my friends about my self-experiment, and I got the usual responses: “Why? You don’t drink a lot. You barely drink.”

When I explained all I want to do this year (run another marathon, write a book, grow my side business), they nodded in understanding, but then added:

“Wait. What about fun?”

“You’ll burn out!”

I smiled, and I reminded them that I can have fun without alcohol. I do wonder if people hear themselves when they say those words, however. Isn’t that a red flag when you must have X in order to have fun? Insert anything. That’s dependency, right?

So why write about quitting alcohol? That leads me to the next comment from my friends.

“Of course we expect you to write about it! Document everything you go through.”

Sounds incredibly boring to me, but here I am doing as requested.

I figured if my friends want to know what I experience maybe others will too. Don’t worry, I did not agree to write about every day of this year with no alcohol, nor even my every week, but I did promise to write about notable moments.

If you are a moderate drinker and thinking about quitting altogether, my occasional articles might interest you. You won’t read about the pains of detox. There haven’t been any, and I’m on day 6, but I’ll tap into any nuances I notice.

More importantly, maybe these posts will pave the way for other drinkers who aren’t abusing alcohol, but also aren’t happy with its role in their lives. In other words, you don’t have to be an embarrassment to your friends and family to want to quit. It’s okay to quit because you don’t want to feel off.

Maybe like me, you want to feel like yourself all the time, every time, in every situation.

If you want to read from experienced nondrinkers, then consider following these fantastic writers on Medium: Barb Besteni, James Julian, Kaouther, Ken Makimsy Middleton, Chris Compton - @twainingwheels, and Lea Bardot.

For those of you who follow me for running, I will still write on running. I’m guessing there’s an article on running and alcohol in the future too. Since in our society, it’s brave to quit drinking, I can still write…

Run and be brave!