Summary

The author describes their struggle with mental health challenges amidst the complex dynamics of their family, including a child with special needs and an elderly parent, while trying to maintain stability and understanding within the household.

Abstract

The author paints a picture of a household dealing with multiple mental health issues. While on the surface, everything appears to be fine—no major illnesses or financial struggles—the reality beneath is quite different. The author, who has ADHD and OCD, grapples with perfectionism, frustration, and anxiety, which are exacerbated by the demands of caring for a child with FASD/ADHD and PTSD. This child's behavior, characterized by constant chatter and sensitivity to sensory input, disrupts the author's focus and adds to the mental load. Additionally, the author worries about their older daughter, "Anxiety Girl," who isolates herself due to sensory overload and has expressed thoughts of being a burden. The author also cares for "The Old Man," likely a parent or grandparent, who is experiencing hearing loss and resistance to technology, further complicating communication and understanding within the family. Despite the challenges, the author serves as the emotional anchor of the family, a role that takes a significant mental toll.

Opinions

The author feels that people are not genuinely interested in their well-being, as they expect a standard, positive response to greetings.
The author is dealing with their own mental health issues, including ADHD and OCD, which create a constant internal struggle between the desire for perfection and the inability to focus or complete tasks.
The author expresses a deep concern for their younger child, who has special needs and requires constant attention, creating a chaotic environment that affects the author's mental state.
The older daughter, referred to as "Anxiety Girl," is struggling with her own mental health, leading to self-imposed isolation and distressing thoughts, which deeply worries the author.
The author has a loving but challenging relationship with "The Old Man," whose declining health and resistance to change add to the family's emotional burden.
Despite the author's own mental health challenges, they feel a strong sense of responsibility to be the "glue" that holds the family together, providing stability and defense against external stressors.
The author acknowledges the importance of their faith in helping them cope with the situation, indicating a reliance on spirituality for strength and resilience.

Just A Little Bit Mental

You ask me how I’m doing

Do you really want to know?

You’re probably just being polite.

It’s just the standard conversation starter.

You’re feigning interest,

Praying that I’ll say

‘I’m fine.’

‘I’m good.’

‘Everything’s okay.’

Nobody really wants to know.

At a glance, I am good.

Blessed even.

None of us have Covid, or cancer,

Or any of the like.

As far as I know

We aren’t dying.

Thank God.

At a glance, everything’s okay.

We have enough

Food, warm shelter, clothing, entertainment

Far more than others.

Thank God.

Do you have the time

To take more than a glance?

Do you even really care?

Things aren’t always as they seem.

Just beneath the surface

I’m a little mental right now.

Stuck in my head

Swirling thoughts, frustration, and anxiety.

Here’s me,

With my ADHD and OCD.

My brain tells me things need to be perfect.

I need to be perfect.

Then it flits and jumps

Dances and runs

From one thing to the next

So nothing gets done,

Especially not perfectly.

I’m a little mental right now.

Better yet, is when it goes blank.

Stopping me in my tracks.

Where am I going?

What am I doing?

Who was I supposed to call?

I look around

And see all the things

Started, then put off.

My OCD screams and berates.

You can do better.

You should do better.

I’m a little mental right now.

Now add to that,

The Child.

With her FASD/ADHD and PTSD.

Silence assualts her senses.

Fear of abandonment

Bubbling just below the surface.

She follows me like a puppy dog

Chattering constant nonsense

Breaking what little thread of concentration

I might have had.

Bombardment.

That’s the catchphrase of the day

For me.

I’m a little mental right now.

She’s mad at me.

Doesn’t matter what it is

It’s my fault.

The other day

The sun was shining too brightly.

I’m supposed to have the dimmer switch,

The power to turn it off.

I’m a little mental right now.

Then there’s Anxiety Girl.

She’s hiding away in her room.

Noise is an assualt to her senses.

It causes physical pain.

She can’t take the bombardment

From the FASD/ADHD/PTSD child and

Watching the constant attacks me.

I’m a little mental right now.

So she hides

And I worry.

She’s told me before

She thinks she should just die

The world would be better without her

She’s just a burden

She can’t do anything.

I’m scared of opening that bedroom door.

I’m a little mental right now.

We’ve tried to get help.

There’s really nothing out there.

She’s 22

I just want her to

Spread her wings and fly

See the beauty within and

Let it shine.

She’s scared

She doesn’t see it

In her eyes

It will never be good enough.

She will never be good enough.

So I worry.

I’m a little bit mental right now.

The Old Man

Whom I love with all my heart

Is starting to fade.

He won’t admit it though.

Denying hearing loss

Makes communication hard.

Watching him plod along

Every single step

Is agony.

But he can do it.

He can and he will

Even if he can’t.

Don’t you dare get him started

On technology

He doesn’t want it

He doesn’t get it

He’s being forced to use it.

It’s agony

Trying to leave dignity intact.

I’m a little bit mental now.

Not one of the three

Can understand the others.

He’s old school

He doesn’t understand

These mental issues

It comes across as harsh.

The girls are sensitive

And scared that

His frustration and pain

Is anger and resentment.

I can’t talk to him.

We don’t have

A moment to ourselves

And he can’t hear me anyway.

I’m a little bit mental now.

They all have needs

And I am their glue,

Their rock

Their stability.

I am their defense

With each other

And against an unkind world

The only one that understands.

Their shelter in the storm

They have faith

I’ll keep it all together, but

I’m a little bit mental now.

I can and I will.

Cause that what Mama’s do.

Thank God I have Faith

In Him because

I’m a little bit mental now.