ESSAY | SPIRITUAL

Judge Less. Observe More.

Prompted essay on “judgement”

As a child, I was mostly silent, introspective, and an observer. I learned early on that even though the Bible said not to judge others, everyone judged. I also discovered that there was a big difference between what people said and what they did — their words versus actions. There’s even a familiar idiom that sums it up — “Do as I say, not as I do.” Parents and other people of authority love to toss that one around. I also discovered that there were a lot of hypocrites in the world, especially within my own family and the Southern Baptist church I grew up in.

Because I was also a sensitive and empathic child, I tried not to judge others. Instead, I tried to place myself in their shoes and imagine their lives. I only listened to gossip long enough to find out who the target was and then I would seek out that person, observe them and if still curious, ask them questions about the rumors flying around. Often, it was their differences that made them the target of gossip with little factual information to back up the rumors.

Later in life, I discovered that some of the people doing the judging were just actually projecting. They would judge others to hide their own flaws and failures. I’ve suffered through many relations were my partners would judge my words or actions by projecting their own words and inactions upon me. We’ve even been living under this nightmare of projection for the last four years here in the United States under Trumpism.

I am not perfect by any means. I’m sure there have been instances where I have made a split-second judgement of someone before even getting to know them. However, I do still believe that one of my better qualities is to observe and research someone before making a judgement. I’ve often found that most people have redeemable qualities about them once I’ve gotten to know them better. This has often put me at odds with family and friends because I’ve chosen not to participate in their slurs and gossip. I guess this also goes back to my strong, spiritual sense of what is right and what is wrong and my sense of knowingness about these things without the need of input from others.

I just find it ugly and disgusting to be around people who start rumors, gossip and are judgmental of others. I don’t find delight or joy in tearing people down just to make oneself feel better about their own lives. I’d rather be around people who lift others up and are willing to live in other people’s worlds to gain an understanding of what makes them different. It would make this a kinder, gentler world if people judged less and observed more.

© 2020 Lori Carlson. All Rights Reserved.

For 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊.’s Weekly prompt 9–15th November 2020 — All things judgement.

Lori Carlson writes Poetry, Fiction, Articles, Creative Non-Fiction and Personal Essays. Most of her topics are centered around Relationships, Spirituality, Life Lessons, Mental Health, Nature, Loss, Death, and the LGBTQ+ community. Check out her personal Medium blog here.