Joy Without Words

Loving a child with a severe disability

My precious Jack turned 18 in March. It brought up a lot of old grief. I sat down and wrote this, start to finish without stopping.

I believe it was a gift from the Lord, a brief glimpse into the big picture as He sees it. A reminder that life on earth is but a blink, in the context of eternity.

Joy Without Words

After loss after loss there you were A miracle before I believed in heaven For a time all went as planned My dreams for you were written

You’d share my two greatest loves Of people and of words The irony is I had one right Long before I knew the Lord

But my time was still many years away So in deceived belief That life on earth is all there is I succumbed to deepest grief

Grief as I watched you disappear Turn in upon yourself I watched you spin for ever My aspirations quickly shelved

When once you stared into my eyes It became a fleeting glance I despaired where has my baby gone Vanished to an inward trance

I thought I’d lost you forever I can’t describe the pain I journeyed down every road there was Desperate to bring you back again

But it seems you were determined To never lose your joy He’s ‘hardwired to happiness’ I’d often say Indifferent to the cruelest ploy

It’s like you were oblivious To all that you had lost Your unique spirit never skipped a beat Despite the chasm that you crossed

They’d say ‘God picked you for a reason’ Like an encouraging guarantee That made me angrier than you can imagine Did my sign say “pick me, pick me?”

Till one day I realized that you never Turned from my Mother’s love But you simply changed direction Your eyes are fixed on what’s above

Agony replaced with wonder How we’re all uniquely made And some don’t need the standard skill-set To do exactly what He planned

We’re not designed to live apart From His love and grace But Jack, you always knew that You never left that place

I do wonder what it is you see Your eyes off in a different direction But you never focused straight ahead Is it God’s reflection?

I’d trade places in a second I’ve asked God to do just that I’d give anything for a moment For us to sit and chat

But I know He’s prepared a place For the conversation for which I long But that may just have to wait Until we are both safely home

So as I wait I’ll watch in awe As you embrace each day And do my best to follow your lead Until the silence passes away.

This story is published in Koinonia — stories by Christians to encourage, entertain, and empower you in your faith, food, fitness, family, and fun.

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