Journey of Love, Part I — Falling in Love

A story of love, heartbreak, and forgiveness

Meeting

July, 2001

He came through my doorway wearing a light blue and white striped polo shirt, his face angled toward the floor as he brushed the front strands of his blond hair with his fingers. When he looked up, I thought he’s more handsome than I remembered.

“Jessica, this is Jason. Jason, this is Jessica,” our mutual friend, Shawn, introduced us. Technically I had met Jason once before, but I knew he wouldn’t remember me.

A couple of weeks prior, I ran into Shawn and Jason at my neighborhood bar after dancing with some friends at a club downtown. Shawn and I worked together and generally hung out with the same people, but I had never seen Jason before. Shawn explained that they were friends from high school. Jason attended NC State but was home for the summer.

I made my way to the bar to get some water. When I turned back around, Jason was sitting on a bar stool across from me, his palms pressed against the front of the stool between his legs, as though he were holding himself up.

He lifted one of his hands and pointed to my sparkly blue tube top. “Bluuuue,” he said, his eyelids closing heavily over his clear blue eyes. “I like bluuuue.”

I looked at Shawn, who nodded at me. “We should probably get going,” Shawn said. “Yeah,” I agreed. “I think your friend needs some sleep.”

I closed the door behind Jason. “Yes, hi,” I smiled. “You’re the guy who likes blue.” Jason looked at me, confused. I was wearing a different blue top tonight, with a lace floral pattern and spaghetti straps. “I actually met you a couple weeks ago, but I’m guessing you don’t remember.” Jason shook his head. “Come on,” I waved him over to the couch. “I’ll tell you about it over a shot of vodka.”

I introduced him to my roommate and another friend from high school. After some drinks at my apartment, we all headed to the clubs downtown. That night, on the dance floor, Jason and I kissed for the first time.

Falling in Love

A few weeks later, Jason was back in North Carolina to finish up his bachelor’s degree. We decided to keep in touch and corresponded mostly through instant messenger. One day, I logged onto AIM to see he had posted an away message that said I bet you’re wondering what the greatest thing in the world is — well, it’s milk. God that stuff is good. Minutes later, when he logged on, I joked with him about it. Who feels that strongly about milk? I wrote. I drink like a gallon if it a day, he wrote back, but I know you don’t like it unless it’s in your cereal.

He was right, though I couldn’t remember ever telling him that. I liked that he remembered all our conversations, that he paid attention.

November, 2001

Shawn and I flew to North Carolina to visit Jason and another one of my friends who had recently moved down there from New York. A few days before our trip, Jason messaged me to tell me that he had “somehow acquired a girlfriend.” I’ll never forget those words because they seemed so strange to me. I wasn’t upset, especially since I was casually dating back in New York. Still, it seemed unfair to have feelings for each other when we lived so far apart.

The trip went well. Shawn and I stayed with my other friend and went out with her friends, but I did spend some time with Jason, though nothing happened between us.

March, 2002

Several friends of mine, including Jason, rented a house in Myrtle Beach for spring break. I had hoped the trip would bring me and Jason closer together. Instead, tension built between us throughout the week.

The girlfriend Jason had “acquired” didn’t last long, and though I wasn’t dating anyone, there were a couple of guys back home who were interested. When Jason heard about them, he got upset — not so much with me but at the idea of me being with other people. Jason and I weren’t together, but we also didn’t feel we could have a casual relationship, which left us in an awkward position. We shared a room in the beach house and never once touched each other.

The day after I got home, Jason messaged me. We talked about the push and pull of our relationship — how he didn’t want to lose me but didn’t know how to be with me, how we had feelings for each other but couldn’t make things work while he was in North Carolina and I was in New York. As we went back and forth, I could sense his frustration increasing.

I’ll let you go because you’re upset…but I have something to say, I wrote. It may upset you and it will definitely push you away, but I’ll feel better if I just get it out…But I don’t want it to ruin our friendship. It might, but I don’t want it to. If you don’t want to talk to me after this, it’s ok.

I love you too Jess…goodbye, he wrote, before I could finish. Then, he logged off.

July, 2002

When Jason came home for the summer, we had no excuse not to see each other. We would meet up with mutual friends at our favorite bar, or he and Shawn would swim at my mother’s pool. He acted like my boyfriend — inviting me to watch him play soccer, taking me to dinner, snuggling with me on the couch. One day, after swimming all morning at my mother’s and ordering pizza for lunch, I asked Jason if we could finally put a label on us. “You’re my girlfriend in every way,” he conceded. It’s about time, I thought.

August, 2002

Jason and I spent nearly every day together after that. A few days after he went back down to North Carolina to begin his senior year, a bouquet of flowers arrived at my doorstep. “I love you more than milk,” the card read, “and that’s a lot.”

Even with all its complications, I loved our love story. I had never felt so strongly for anyone, but that didn’t scare me. Very early on — before we even started dating — I would tell Jason I was going to marry him. Instead of being put off, he would joke about saving up for the wedding. Despite our roadblocks, I never felt sad or uncertain or frustrated for long because Jason always made me laugh. He made everything better. That’s how I knew we would end up together.

What I hadn’t considered — what I never even took into account — was that milk can spoil.

This is a four-part story. You can read the other parts here: