Jokes And One-Liners
What is a one-liner joke?
One-liner jokes are really short but really funny jokes that are usually made using one word or one sentence. These jokes are so easy to tell, you might feel silly for not telling them sooner.
One-Liners are a category of joke that relies on the setup and punchline being very close together. They are sometimes hard to get and funny when you figure out the answer
One-line jokes are great fun because they’re short and hilarious! No need to wait around for a punch line… no smoke and mirrors, just laugh-out-loud comedy one-line jokes, when they work, get the point made and move on to the next joke. They can be hard to craft though, more so than regular jokes, so good luck!
A few humorists utilize jokes as a reason for their comedic strategy. The absolute best joke comics incorporate Milton Jones, Shappi Khorsandi, Jimmy Carr, Tim Vine, and Steven Wright.
“My father drank so heavily, when he blew on the birthday cake he lit the candles.” — Les Dawson — THIS IS MY FAVORITE!
“I was in my car driving back from work. A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window. I said, ‘One minute I’m on the phone.’” — Alan Carr
“I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplow get to work in the morning… that can keep me awake for days.” — Billy Connolly
“I used to go out with a giraffe. Used to take it to the pictures and that. You’d always get some bloke complaining that he couldn’t see the screen. It’s a giraffe, mate. What do you expect? ‘Well he can take his hat off for a start!’” — Paul Merton
“Here’s a picture of me with REM. That’s me in the corner.” — Milton Jones
“People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’” — Bill Bailey
“I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.’” — Tim Vine
“Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.” — Joe Lycett
“We weren’t very religious. On Hanukkah, my mother had our menorah on a dimmer.” — Richard Lewis
“My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue — completely pale, no arms.” — Phil Wang
“If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round.’” — Eddie Izzard
“Two fish in a tank. One says: ‘How do you drive this thing?’” — Peter Kay
“I bought myself some glasses. My observational comedy improved.” — Sara Pascoe
“If I was an Olympic athlete, I’d rather come in last than win the silver medal. You win the gold, you feel good. You win the bronze, you think, ‘at least I got something.’ But you win that silver, that’s like, ‘Congratulations, you almost won! Of all the losers, you came in first! You’re the number one loser! No one lost ahead of you!’” — Jerry Seinfeld
“My star sign is Pyrex. I was a test-tube baby.” — Billy Connolly
“I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas. But is she grateful? No, she says she’d rather have it in a cup.” — Eric Morecambe
“A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap, please?’ The chemist says, ‘Do you want it scented?’ And the man says, ‘No, I’ll take it with me now.’” — Ronnie Barker
“Crime in multi-story car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.” — Tim Vine
“You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase.” — Rob Beckett
“Owls haven’t got necks, have they? An owl is essentially a one-piece unit.” — Ross Noble
“If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you’re just late.” — Joel Dommett
“My phone will ring at 2 am and MyLife’s look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. If I knew that we wouldn’t need the bloody phone.” — Lee Evans
“I doubt there’s a heaven; I think the people from hell have probably bought it for a timeshare.” — Victoria Wood
I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?”, He said: “How flexible are you?”, I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.” — Tommy Cooper
“Do Transformers get a car or life insurance?” — Russell Howard
“Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. I’ve called the SWAT team!” — Greg Davies
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” — Graham Norton
“Two monkeys were getting into the bath. One said: ‘Oo, oo, oo, aah aah aah.’ The other replied: ‘Well, put some cold in it then.’” — Harry Hill
I’m a big fan of one-liner jokes, so I made a selection of jokes and one-liners for you. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did. My curiosity: what is your favorite joke? Leave a comment. Thank you!
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