Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard — Perspective From A Male Victim of Spousal Abuse

Every day really is a trial

I wasn’t sure whether to write this article.

I’m still not, to be honest. The amount of vilification that always comes when a man talks about being the victim of spousal abuse is shocking. It never fails to leave me staggered.

I see it happening right now with Johnny Depp as he has gone through days of the defamation lawsuit against his former spouse, Amber Heard.

I’m sure you’ve heard about it by now, but if you have not, I can sum it up in as few words as possible.

The breakdown of their case.

Johnny and Amber were together. He alleges abuse happened at her hands, including losing the tip of one of his fingers via a broken bottle. Their relationship lasted a few years, including a year or so of marriage, before she broke it off.

If you’d like more information on the timeline of it all, you can visit Today’s article discussing the details.

Johnny has alleged for years he suffered abuse from Amber, while she has claimed the same about him.

I, of course, was not a part of their relationship, so I cannot attest one way or the other to the veracity of either of their claims. I have seen Amber caught out in more than a few lies, though, which immediately makes me suspicious.

I had five years of misery.

Johnny’s no angel, but I know first hand the crazy train that happens when you’re in an abusive situation you can’t get out of.

For five long, miserable years, I was abused by my second wife. I was her whipping boy, used as the target for any frustration, angry moment, or lashing out she wanted to do. I could do nothing to stop her, and liberation was, for a long time, not an option.

When I finally did escape the torment, I tried talking about it to people I knew.

None believed me. Even those who saw my bruises, and knew she was the type of person who could do such a thing, still backhandedly told me I was overreacting. One even went so far as to say I was making it up.

My family ostracized me for not sticking with the marriage. My first one ended badly, too (she stabbed me on our honeymoon), and it was only a year after that divorce was finalized when I married Dawn.

My mother asked me how I could do such a thing to her. Can you imagine that? I tell her I am being abused, beaten senseless by this woman, and my mother turns it on herself.

Friends were no better. I’m a guy. How the hell could I be the victim? Only women are victims of domestic violence.

Of course, those same friends were in relationships with women who felt it necessary to constantly berate and yell at them for every perceived wrong. The irony of it all was not lost on me.

The media is in frenzy-mode, and victims are noticing.

Now we have this big trial happening in the public light. The doors are open wide for everyone and their brother to give their opinion about it all, and I know I am merely adding more to that chatter with this article. However, I am seeing so many of the things I went through reflected in Johnny’s situation and it disturbs me greatly.

The talking heads on the boob-tube are having a field day with the fodder of this whole crap-show. I’ve seen Johnny vilified left and right for the things he says, the way he carries himself, and the turmoil he was (and in so many ways still is) going through.

A person I looked up to for a long time has even gotten into the act. Drew Barrymore, herself an outspoken past victim of abuses, came on her show to make fun of what Johnny went through with one of her guests.

I wonder, if the victim in this case had been a woman, would the talk be different? How many women would come out in support of Johnny if he were one of them?

You see, one of the difficulties with something like this being in the public consciousness, and the handling of it by the media, is that we who have been abused are watching, too.

We see how Depp is treated in this. We don’t care if he really was abused or not. That isn’t the point. What is blatant is the reinforcement of why we should never speak out about it, ourselves.

The victims want to speak, but it’s proven they shouldn’t.

I don’t know if Johnny was abused. I don’t know if Amber was abused. For all I know, they were both guilty of things in the relationship. I’ve seen people discuss how Johnny should carry himself better in this situation, or that he should be more professional.

I hear that, then I see how much of the media space is taken up by the same people victimizing him all over again. It’s there every time he turns on the TV or goes on the internet.

Spousal abuses against men, despite public perception, happen a lot more frequently than you would think. It’s estimated males are just as often victimized as females, they just don’t talk about it as much.

I wonder why?

I hope, no matter what, both of them can find some peace once all of this is over. It’s been twenty years for me, and I still wake from nightmares because of what I went through.

No matter your gender, if you’re in a dangerous situation, please get out however you can.

Thank you for being you.

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Keep striving to “be the best you that you can be” at this moment. Remember, no matter who you are or what you’re going through, you are worthy of being loved. Don’t let anyone teach you anything different.