THANK THE KETOGENIC GODS
Joe Rogan Has Found The Cure To Covid
To survive a global pandemic, all you have to do is be rich
Last week, after visiting the tropical virus pit some like to call Florida, Joe Rogan caught the coronavirus. He’s previously expressed hesitation to getting the vaccine, saying healthy people don’t need to get it, possibly forgetting that sick is the opposite of healthy. Viruses make healthy people sick, which is why vaccines exist. His millions of followers — who blindly accept anything he says — agreed that they will not be sheep and get the vaccine.
While Darwinism will take its course on the vast majority, we do live in a capitalist society, so rich idiots will continue to survive. Joe Rogan went on Instagram a few days later and shared that he’s feeling great. How did he single-handedly punch coronavirus in the face MMA style in just three days? Rogan says he “immediately threw the kitchen sink at it.”
The contents of Joe Rogan’s kitchen sink
- Monoclonal antibodies
- Ivermectin
- Z-pack
- Prednisone
- NAD Drip
- Vitamin Drip
The cost of Joe Rogan’s kitchen sink
- Monoclonal antibodies: $2,100
- Ivermectin: human dose: $79.07
- Ivermectin horse dose from an animal supply store: $9.99 (PLEASE NOTE: THIS PRODUCT IS NOT INTENDED FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION)
- Z-pack: $20
- Prednisone: $10
- NAD Drip: $849
- Vitamin Drip: $450+
Aside from the wonders of modern veterinary medicine, Rogan says that detoxing in the saunas inside his mansion has helped a lot. He recommends it along with a relaxing float in an isolation tank, which ranges from just $20,000 to $40,000, not counting the dedicated live-in employee you will have to hire to keep it up and running.
Horsing around with Covid-19
Rogan’s kitchen sink does not contain a Covid-19 Vaccine, which is free. Ivermectin has absolutely no science to back up its effectiveness against Covid-19 and is not FDA approved, unlike the vaccine.
Many ER doctors are reporting a mass surge of people taking up hospital beds from actual sick people because they have Ivermectin poisoning from taking horse-sized doses, since the only place they could find the drug was at animal feed supply stores. People who have taken Ivermectin have also died on ventilators from Covid after believing themselves to be safe from the virus thanks to their handy horse dewormer.
Rogan says he only had “one bad day” and that he feels great, actually! 6 days later, and he’s happy to be back outside, launching arrows. Many of his supporters commented that his health and fitness helped him beat Covid. If only the 5 million people who have died from Covid were eating elk, practicing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and doing the keto diet, they might still be alive.
Will Joe Rogan continue his tour?
After New York City mayor Bill De Blasio put vaccine mandates in place to enter large public spaces, Joe Rogan offered a money-back guarantee for those too stupid to get vaccinated but still thought it was a good idea to buy tickets to a large public gathering in the most densely populated city in the USA. Since anti-vaxxers have been banned from the show, the entire audience has requested their money back, so it looks like Rogan will be performing in an empty stadium.
The good news? This will keep him from getting Covid again, despite the argument that antibodies will make him immune. Scientists have found that antibodies might grant potential immunity for just 3 months after surviving Covid — if you survive. The Covid-19 vaccine, which is FDA approved and free, will last at least 8 months, with booster shots to extend that time and improved vaccines as we learn more about the virus.
To those who want to be a part of “club antibody”, it’s important to note that vaccines work by building antibodies. They introduce a form of the virus into the body. That’s why side effects are similar to those of the virus. The vaccine builds antibodies without risking your life for spreading a deadly virus to others.
Liv Pasquarelli is a 3x top writer on Medium. She lives in Rhode Island and writes fiction, personal essays, and poetry. She co-founded The Indie Mood, a blog about indie beauty. She’d rather eat an Iraqi Camel Spider on Fear Factor than give up bread, therefore, the keto diet is not for her.