Mindset

A Positive Attitude May Deserve Credit for Your Lucky Feelings

Set your positivity compass in the right direction

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” — Anais Nin

Toxic thoughts.

You don’t even know they exist. Because they’ve found a way to sneak into your subconscious without you noticing — taking up residence and eager to slip into your daily thought patterns.

Negative stealth bombs, waiting to explode.

And without recognizing their influence, these destructive intruders have found a way to adjust your attitude and behavior. And it’s time for them to pack their bags and hit the road.

In an article by Henrik Edberg in The Positivity Blog, the author says:

“Negativity that wells up inside of you or in the world around you can quickly become toxic and hold you back from living the life you want.”

So how do we turn those undesirable squatters into a positive happy perspective on life?

This might seem like a loaded question, because the general understanding is that our thoughts determine how we feel. And if we have a pessimistic or dismal attitude, it would make sense we’re having similar thoughts in our head. And those ideas had to come from some outside circumstance or person — right?

Buckle up — here comes the truth.

Outside situations are not responsible for how you interpret their impact or influence on you.

The thoughts in our heads are of our own choosing — and completely under our control. How we observe — and judge — any situation or person comes down to our own beliefs, values, and tolerances. And there’s no getting around this reality. Because nobody makes the call on how you think about things — except you.

On her blog, mindfulness teacher Melli O’Brien writes:

“Negative (unhelpful) thinking patterns can have a strong and sometimes devastating impact on our relationships, our health, our work… our lives.”

Here’s an example that may help illustrate the point.

Imagine you’re on a road trip, driving along on an open stretch of highway on a clear day. Suddenly, in your rearview mirror, you see a driver speeding up behind you, riding your bumper and pounding the horn.

Your typical reaction might be one of fear or even anger, thinking the person is an irresponsible jerk trying to bully you out of his way or even off the road. And your mindset could match this inclination, putting you on edge and in an unsteady, even dangerous state of mind — potentially affecting your own driving and others around you.

But there’s another way to handle this mental challenge.

Rather than taking an immediate dive into being an undeserving target, the reality might be that the driver behind you is less than despicable, and the reason they’re behaving in such a manner may have to do with a medical emergency, or finding out their house is on fire, or that a family member needs their help — right now.

Frankly, I might lay heavy on the gas pedal myself in any of those situations, and hope others are courteous enough to give me the benefit of the doubt and switch into another lane or pull over.

This actually happened to me.

And while the seemingly aggressive driver who appeared out of nowhere rattled me at first, I decided not to assume there was an aggressive or threatening underlying agenda. I maintained control of my car — and my thoughts — and carefully maneuvered into another lane, letting the other driver speed away to their destination.

Maybe I was lucky or maybe my decision to simply get out of the way helped me dismiss the incident without the feeling of being in the cross-hairs. In either case, the choice not to let another’s actions affect or control my behavior brought me back to a positive mindset more quickly than stewing on the possibility that someone was out to get me.

Here are a few suggestions to help find your way back to that positive, happy place in your mind — and your life.

• Most of the time, that uncomfortable mental sense about things begins with a feeling that something isn’t quite right for you. The incongruency between a positive mindset and a potentially pessimistic situation can catch the best of us off-guard. The next time this happens, instead of letting your mind shift to the dark side unchallenged, consider taking a neutral position of the issue or person. This will separate you from the immediate emotional discomfort, and allow for the possibility there might be more to the situation beyond your initial impression.
• Be more aware of who you spend time with, and the outside influences you allow to enter your consciousness. Creating a positive physical, mental, and personal environment is key to maintaining balance and harmony. And while you always have control of what you choose to think about — and the decisions you make — being surrounded with those who offer few positive options or who approach life from a defensive attitude can rub off on you. Consider reducing or eliminating the relationships that offer little advantage, benefit, or support for your needs and goals, and lighten the mental load.
• Rather than automatically determining what someone says or does has a negative agenda, consider there may be other factors influencing your own interpretation. Sometimes, our judgments come too quick and easy — and before being given much thought or credence. For example, you may be faced with a similar experience from your past that’s now rising from your memory in an attempt to convince you the outcome will be a repeat performance. On the other hand, having learned from your past actions and consequences — and perhaps discovering you were wrong — doesn’t it make sense to try a different approach? Because one day, you may be the one needing another person to give you a little latitude.

Mindfulness is a skill.

When you set your positivity compass in the right direction, others will respond in like manner, offering an encouraging approach to life.

© 2021 Jill Reid. All Rights Reserved.

Jill Reid is the author of Real Life and Discover Your Personal Truth.

Jill Reid is the author of Real Life, Discover Your Personal Truth, Life in Small Doses, and Please God, Make Me A Writer. Her books, videos, and newsletter explore life, relationships, self-improvement, health, and personal success strategies for working through the challenges of everyday life.

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