Summary

The article provides guidance on overcoming avoidance behaviors to confront real-world responsibilities and improve personal development and happiness.

Abstract

The article "4 Tips to Overcome Avoidance Strategies and Face the Real World" by Jill Reid discusses the common human tendency to use excuses and avoidance strategies to shirk responsibilities, a behavior learned from a young age and reinforced by mixed messages from mentors and societal norms. It emphasizes the inevitability of facing reality and the consequences of continuous evasion, which can lead to a mess of unresolved issues. Reid offers four practical tips to help individuals step up, starting with acknowledging that others are aware of one's avoidance tactics and seeking their advice. She encourages readers to stop hiding, take responsibility for their actions, and make amends where necessary. The article advocates for personal accountability, the strength to make changes, and the importance of seeking support from trusted friends to rebuild trust in oneself and others.

Opinions

Avoidance strategies, while initially effective, ultimately lead to larger problems and personal dissatisfaction.
Honesty about one's struggles and seeking advice from admired individuals can help in turning one's life around.
Continual avoidance of reality is unsustainable, and eventually, individuals must face their obligations and the people they have affected.
Making excuses and dodging necessary steps towards success prevents personal growth and keeps individuals from seizing opportunities.
Taking decisive action and being generous with help and support are key steps in becoming part of the solution and improving one's life.
Personal responsibility is paramount, and individuals must own their choices and the resulting consequences.
Trust in oneself and others can be restored by taking steps to change and by being a supportive presence in the lives of friends and community.

Personal Development/Happiness/Life Lessons

4 Tips to Overcome Avoidance Strategies and Face the Real World

How to step-up and become a trustworthy human

They’re called excuses, rationalizations, and avoidance strategies. And we’ve been learning them all our lives.

Whether by observing others or from making poor choices, we’ve all developed a few methods for shirking responsibility and obligation.

Our earliest mentors often told us to “do as I say, not as I do,” sending a mixed message while they exhibited behaviors that seemed to be in conflict with the directives handed our way. Teachers also set up the rules pretty quickly — line-up in formation, all eyes toward the front, raise your hand before speaking, wait your turn — and hope you get one.

So being creative humans, we found ways to rebel — actions intended to capture the attention of others, and allow us to be noticed. And sometimes, that meant not doing anything at all.

There are dozens of strategies we’ve designed for willingly and joyfully ignoring responsibility.

And all those rejections of convenience eventually left us at the bottom of a very deep hole.

For example, not doing the homework, pretending to be sick to get out of a meeting, avoiding or not returning those important phone calls, blaming a failing memory — once again.

We have a thousand places to hide, hundreds of excuses that have been finely honed to fit almost any situation.

And for the most part, they work splendidly. But eventually, all that side-stepping catches up. And then we have one hell of a mess to deal with.

When circumstances in your life become too overwhelming to face, address, or mitigate, it can seem like there’s no backhoe large enough to dig you out. Because by then, you’ve circumvented too many problems — evaded too many commitments — and the pressure of accountability has congealed into a very thick layer of mud and misery.

I’m about to hand you a sharp shovel, and a few suggestions for stepping up and facing the real world.

1. You’re not fooling anyone, because others know exactly what you’ve been doing.

They’ve likely used the same tactics to tip-toe around the truth, believing that ignoring obligations will lead to a happier existence. Until it doesn’t.

If you’re honest about getting back on track, try reaching out to those you admire, and who can offer some advice on how to turn things around. Make a call, send a text, write an email, or extend an invitation to talk. Find an objective person who will hear you out — and let them help you work through your doubts and fears.

2. You won’t be able to hide forever.

While there may be plenty of company in “dismissive-attitude” land, continually eluding reality will only take you so far, and eventually you’ll need to come up for air. And when you do, you may want to take a look around and consider not only coming clean by admitting your trespasses, but also offering to make amends to those you’ve hurt, harmed, or neglected.

If this process feels difficult, you’re doing it right. Be sincere and take your licks — it’s time to clear the slate and get on with your life.

3. In the end, you’re still ultimately responsible for your choices — and the consequences.

Deflecting life’s circumstances keeps you from recognizing and participating in all the possibilities offered to you. Because the hard work you’re attempting to shun often precludes the potential for growth. And making excuses by dodging the necessary steps to success will keep you stuck behind the door of opportunity.

The sooner you decide to make the choice to show up, the quicker you’ll be able to take control and tackle the hard decisions.

4. If you don’t have the strength to amend things on your own …

Talk to a trusted friend and ask them to be your advocate — a pipeline of support as you attempt to reconnect with those around you as a mature, responsible person. Learn to trust in others — and you’ll eventually trust in yourself.

Do it now.

Come out of hiding and be generous — make the call, visit a friend, lend a hand, volunteer, and explore ways to offer support. And be mindful of your obligations.

Taking action in an authentic, positive way is the best place to start — and to assure others you’re part of the solution.

Jill Reid is the author of Real Life, Discover Your Personal Truth, Life in Small Doses, and Please God, Make Me A Writer. Her books, videos, and newsletter explore life, relationships, self-improvement, health, and personal success strategies for working through the challenges of everyday life.

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