Jesus Took the Weekend Off

There’s a plot hole in the Bible

Whenever people are asked to name the best examples of humanity, the same names keep turning up. Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, Siddhārtha Gautama, Mother Teresa…

And Jesus Christ.

I agree with all of these names. And many more. Everyone has a list. These people were great teachers, they had a profound influence on humanity, they served a higher calling, their advice is a good solid foundation for living a good life.

Jesus, in particular, was a breath of hope and comfort for the Jews of the first century against the grinding forces of Romans, Temple, and the sheer hardship of life at the bottom. He taught that no matter how low you felt, there was always hope, and help would be found when needed. You might have to give Roman money to Romans, but you would be looked after, and you didn’t need to worry.

How comforting that is! To be free from stress about the future, free to enjoy the present moment, free to focus on things that are important. Just that attitude alone enriches life immeasurably.

Against the harsh background of Old Testament Israel, a long history full of war and hatred, the message of Jesus that peace and love could rule must have found a joyful audience.

But we know what happened then

Jesus entered Jerusalem in triumph, acclaimed by the Jews, the messenger of a bright future. He got into strife with the Temple priests, who were appalled that he was teaching that their expensive services were no longer required, and they worked with the Roman government of Jerusalem to have him executed.

According to the story, Jesus died a horrible death on the cross, was buried in a donated tomb, and came back to life two days later having “rested the Sabbath”.

This is where the problems begin. If we accept the story at face value, then Jesus didn’t die so much as go to sleep for the weekend — and we’ve all been there.

Some people claim to have been clinically dead, been to some bright place, and returned, and they have the ECG traces to prove they were brain dead.

So if Jesus merely had a day of flatlining and came back to life, then where’s the magic? History is full of tales of people who were presumed dead, and then woke up in the morgue, or knocking on the coffin lid at their funeral.

Uncommon and unusual, sure, but something a scientist or a skeptic can accept as within the realm of possibility.

On the other hand…

If Jesus actually died and came back to life after a day and two nights dead, then we are definitely talking magic.

Which is okay. The Bible is chock full of magic, starting with the very first words.

But however you cut it, it’s not a permanent death. An afternoon of torture, a day of being dead or close to it, and then you get up and resume normal service.

The Apostle Paul makes a big deal of Christ dying for our sins, and that’s the core of Christianity. It’s supposed to be a sacrifice on a grand scale, but realistically, if you know you’re coming back again — and the Gospels have Jesus saying exactly this ahead of time — it’s not that big a sacrifice.

Turtles all the way down

Bertrand Russell outlined an argument — already old — that if there was a Creator, then who created the Creator?

Justice John Scalia succinctly referenced a popular version of this argument:

In our favored version, an Eastern guru affirms that the earth is supported on the back of a tiger. When asked what supports the tiger, he says it stands upon an elephant; and when asked what supports the elephant he says it is a giant turtle. When asked, finally, what supports the giant turtle, he is briefly taken aback, but quickly replies “Ah, after that it is turtles all the way down.”

In a legal or logical sense, this sort of thing doesn’t hold up, and the only way of approaching it is to set aside disbelief, accept as bedrock a lack thereof, and build all your arguments on that vacuum.

And this is where Christianity post-Jesus is situated. Jesus did not build his church upon a rock but upon the exact opposite: a very shaky and logically unsatisfying argument.

Jesus died for our sins in the manner of a human Passover lamb, but then came back again to signify the sort of rebirth the faithful must undergo in order to accept Christ as their saviour who died for their sins and so on and on.

Put simply, Christianity doesn’t hold water. It is founded upon a dubious birth and even more dubious death for reasons which do not add up unless you are happy to step outside the realm of logic.

I’m not going to attack the faithful for their honest beliefs. If it makes someone happy, then that's okay with me.

Jesus is all you need

I’m happy to accept Jesus as one of history’s great teachers. The things he taught are valuable, and I don’t need to believe in any sort of magic to accept that.

“Love thy neighbour” is enough on its own to be sure of having a good and joyful life. Put that in your heart, live by it, and you will never be unhappy.

His other teachings are also golden. If you read just the red-letter words of Jesus in the Bible, then that’s a philosophical education right there.

A reasonably firm foundation may be found in Plotinus, who supplied Christianity with the concept of the Trinity. He declares the causal force to be ineffable, or incapable of being understood, and I’ll accept that. I cannot fit the cosmos into my mind, and there are always things that are going to be beyond my grasp.

I don’t need to believe in magic — or not — to accept that Jesus belongs in the company of Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, the Buddha and so on as a truly great teacher. I can be happy with that.

Britni

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