Jerk Management

We have all encountered our fair share of jerks.

We have the arrows on our backs to prove it.

The question is, “How do you manage these (usually) men?”

The essential premise here, which for some is difficult to accept, is that you cannot change the jerk’s behavior, only your response.

The Portrait of a Jerk

A jerk is often experienced as a highly self-centered and abusive person with almost no consideration for others. Jerks come in the guise of,

A professor who put you down in front of the class A colleague who sexually harasses you A boss who consistently claimed credit for your ideas (Add your version)

We can analyze how they became jerks until we are blue in the face.

However, our time is better spent knowing how to manage them.

Jerk Management

From the start, we must realize that jerk management is complicated, especially since they often catch us unaware of their toxic behavior. But when we anticipate an ambush, it helps us be better prepared.

While we cannot change them, we can adapt our response through,

Resistance

Fighting back could be your ultimate act of self-respect. This fight could be using the law (as in the case of sexual harassment) or firmly standing up to them in public.

Whether we resist or not is a judgment call on our part.

Sometimes it stops the jerk in his/her tracks. In other instances, it backfires on us, and the jerk finds different ways to strike back.

Resignation

Walking away from a fight is sometimes wise, especially if the jerk is a boss who is a custodian of your future career. Such disengagement could be from detachment to “getting out of Dodge.”

Reflection

A jerk could be viewed as one of our teachers.

Some of the most difficult characters in my life have taught me my greatest lessons especially on what sort of person I want to be.

But the lesson is that we should not see the jerk’s actions as a commentary on our defects.

Instead, we need to ask, “It’s their problem. I will not be dragged into believing something is wrong with me.”

Reframe

We show ourselves more spiritually evolved when we view the jerk with compassion. Such a response does not let the person off the hook for crimes against others or us.

I often think of the jerk as a child and remind myself, He/she was not born that way. Therefore, something terrible must have happened on the way to adulthood.

I still set boundaries. I sometimes walk away from abusive relationships. I persist in choosing my battles carefully. But I attempt to view the jerk through the eyes of compassion and try to listen for their inner hurt.

How have you managed the jerk in your life?

I wish you all the best in managing the jerk in your life. Remember, there is a certain amount of victory in outliving your opposition, or as one person said after her divorce, “Success is the best revenge!”