Summary

Dr. Mehmet Yildiz reflects on the role of jealousy in personal development, particularly in the context of musical competition, and how it can both motivate and hinder one's progress as an artist.

Abstract

The article delves into the complex nature of jealousy within the realm of music, presenting it as a double-edged sword. Dr. Mehmet Yildiz recounts personal experiences of how jealousy, stemming from hearing other talented musicians, drove him to practice harder to improve his violin skills. Despite his talent and passion for the violin, he struggled with consistent practice and self-doubt, which were exacerbated by bullying. His admiration for the renowned violinist Maxim Vengerov and the desire to emulate such greatness fueled his ambition. However, a lack of courage to commit to rigorous practice and personal circumstances prevented him from pursuing a professional career. Ultimately, he finds solace in viewing music as a fulfilling hobby rather than a missed vocation, emphasizing that jealousy can encourage personal growth and satisfaction in one's abilities.

Opinions

Jealousy can be a source of motivation, pushing individuals to work harder and strive for excellence.
Competition, especially in the arts, is seen as beneficial for self-evaluation and improvement.
The author acknowledges that talent alone is not sufficient without dedication and consistent practice.
Jealousy can also lead to negative emotions like bitterness and feelings of inadequacy, particularly when comparing oneself to others.
Personal circumstances and a lack of self-belief can be significant barriers to achieving one's full potential.
Despite regrets, the author has come to terms with not becoming a professional musician, finding joy in music as an amateur.
The author suggests that jealousy, when managed constructively, can contribute to personal development and happiness.

Jealousy Makes Us Work Harder

Is working harder necessary to get what you want or is jealousy just a thing to bring up a competition between people, a group of people, and make this a distance between?

Dr Mehmet Yildiz has challenged us again. And this time with a theme that is keeping us busy in our society, in every group and all layers of a company.

Jealousy is what we see every time these days.

Jealousy is what makes us bitter and competitive. It makes us a stranger.

On the other hand, when you’re a musician or any other artist, you need that competition to see where you are as an artist and what you can do better.

In some way, it is good for us to have a competition, but it also makes us more jealous. Why does this makes us jealous? What does another person have that you don't have?

Well, since my childhood I have played in several orchestra’s, so you're competitors to the others to play together or in the first violin section…

As a child, I participated in a music competition. This competition was for everyone who loves playing an instrument. It doesn’t matter which instrument you’re playing, or when you’re a singer, it all didn't matter. There were age groups, so it was a fair competition.

When I prepared for this competition, I practiced very hard, because I wanted to be the best violinist in the world. There were so many other musicians there that I heard playing during the competition. I became jealous that they were much better musicians than I was. I wanted to be that good too.

I worked harder and harder to be that good too. I knew I had talent, but also I didn't practice harder in a certain way. I didn't practice every day how I should’ve practiced.

The more I knew I had the talent, the more I thought practicing would come to me, instead of me thinking I should be the one who needs to practice every day to be a better violinist.

On the other hand, I have been bullied, and I thought I was not worth the talent because others would be much better.

The more I listened to other musicians, the more I became jealous of their hard work. I worked harder, at least that is what I thought. Most of the time, I was just playing the music, instead of practicing and wasting my talent, I played the music from beginning to end a lot of times.

I remembered the previous lessons. So, I knew what to do in the net lesson. But my teachers heard I didn't practice at all.

At about the age of 13, I became a huge fan of the violinist Maxim Vengerov.

I’ll tell you a story.

I was having dinner with my sister, who also plays the violin, and my parents. It was around Christmas. We had a cozy candle and we talked about classical music. Violinists who were now emerging and already the establishment were mentioned. My sister got up and played a CD. The violinist was Maxim Vengerov who played Tchaikovsky’s violin concerto.

I found a website online, internet was starting to rise back then, a fan website where Maxim Vengerov answered questions about him, the music he was playing, and some technique. I also asked a few questions about him and the violin technique. It was edited by two fans. With one of the editors, I still keep in touch with one of them.

In 2003, I worked at my mother's work in a mentally disabled home for about two weeks. To earn money. I wanted to go to Carte Blanche concerts in the Concertgebouw in Amsterdam where Maxim Vengerov gave several concerts during the concert season. This lovely lady from the website I still have contact with came too. One day we met for having a drink just before the concert. It was so lovely to be able to do this.

I have seen him online, kept an eye on his fan's website to ensure I know have all the data of his concerts and when I could go again. At this time my sister studied the violin in London.

When I was about 15 years old, I went to London where my sister lived at that time. I went to visit her a few times before. One time I went to visit her with my parents. The purpose was to go to the concert by Maxim Vengerov in The Royal Albert Hall in London. There he also celebrated his 30th birthday.

The lovely lady got a wonderful idea for his 30th birthday celebrating The Royal Albert Hall: fans could write him a message. She asked me to write one too. I wrote one. She asked me a lot of times if I am really going and I am sure etc… She bonded all messages into one beautiful book.

So, the day was there, we went to that concert. It was so beautiful concert. I don’t remember what he was playing, but it was outstanding. I enjoyed every minute and I had a great spot from the balcony.

After the concert, we went to a room where he got the surprise book with the messages from his fans. I went to that room too. This surprise event for his birthday was so lovely. To my surprise, and that is why she ensured me to come and asked me a lot of times if I really come, I might give that book to Maxim Vengerov. That was a huge surprise. I didn't know it on forehand. I was shocked, to be honest, but I loved to give that book. Memorable evening.

Going to all these concerts I went to, made me jealous that I wanted to play like them, all the other great violinists in the world. I decided I wanted to be one of them. Only, I couldn’t get the courage to practice the way I should and know I had to practice. I remembered my violin lessons a lot.

I went to a teacher at the conservatory in Zwolle, but I never got in the conservatory. I never practiced well. That was of personal circumstances. I thought — at a sudden moment — that I was not worth it.

Now, I have so many regrets. It is too late now.

Listening to other musicians made me jealous because I wanted to be there on stage too. Making music and making others happy with what makes me happy. I found a way to live with it and now it is a great hobby of mine. 🎻

To me, it doesn't make any distance at all. In this case, it encourages me to be a better human, a good amateur violinist, and enjoy it every second I am playing the violin. It fulfills my life.