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Abstract

feel like a monster. I love my affair partner, but I don’t get to see him as much as she does. I’m jealous of anyone who talks with or is with himMe: Whatchadoin?It was a Saturday morning. I was thinking of things to do alone to fill my time. I’m often on my own, and if I go out at all it’s usually an errand for hubby.Him: off with wife to market for a look aroundWe often ask each other these things. We are very much connected and text back and forth frequently during the day. When he mentions taking his wife somewhere, my next text usually is,Me: great have fun! But I’m thinking, ya bastard!During an evening, I might get,Him: out to do a fire with wife and friendsMe: have fun! But I’m thinking, fuck them and the bitch you’re with.My jealousy “issue” has come up in conversation after lovemaking, when we chat. He’s very thoughtful and will ask me if I’m ok about what he tells me or about life in general.He knows I don’t have an easy life.My personality makes it hard for me to open up. I have a tendency to say what people want to hear and not what I’m thinking or feeling. My lover has a lovely and gentle way, so I open up to him, but it’s hard to admit my jealousy.</p

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When he has plans with his wife, he will ask if I’m ok. I know I am, but I have to fight the green monster away every time. It’s hard because my lover often takes his wife away on overnight and weekend trips.I want it to be me damn him! It’s so hard to be pleasant when he does, but I try.Me: I hope you’re having a great weekend, but I’m never thinking that.You get the gist. Jealousy overtakes me, and it’s all I can do to try and “play nice,” as my mother taught me.Jealousy just might drown me one day. When it does, I’m sure it will carry me down to the slimy, green, and ugly weeds at the river’s bottom, where I belong.That’s my truth — jealousy rules me.This makes it harder still —<div id="015a" class="link-block">

      <a href="https://readmedium.com/adultery-has-never-been-so-lonely-during-covid-times-65ce59cd7e24">

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            <h2>Adultery Has Never Been So Lonely During Covid Times</h2>
            <div><h3>Lost in Liverpool</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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Jealousy During an Affair Can Eat You Alive

I know — Jealousy rules me

I once saw him out with his wife for ice cream. They walked past my car, happy and chatting. All I felt was the heat in my face as my anger rose. I pretended I hadn’t noticed them. A few minutes later, a text.

Him: I saw you!

We live close, so I see him out and about at times.

In my head, all I could think was I wished that he had taken me for ice cream. I like ice cream! I was tempted to get out of the car, snatch the ice cream from her hand and press it into her face.

He was my man. How dare she?

I would never have thought I could have these feelings. How awful am I?

Jealousy comes over me like a dark cloud. It seeps through my veins, works its way deep into my body, and leaves me angry and sad. It hangs around me like fruit flies feasting on a rotten banana.

I can’t shake it.

Who have I become? I feel like a monster. I love my affair partner, but I don’t get to see him as much as she does. I’m jealous of anyone who talks with or is with him

Me: Whatchadoin?

It was a Saturday morning. I was thinking of things to do alone to fill my time. I’m often on my own, and if I go out at all it’s usually an errand for hubby.

Him: off with wife to market for a look around

We often ask each other these things. We are very much connected and text back and forth frequently during the day. When he mentions taking his wife somewhere, my next text usually is,

Me: great have fun! But I’m thinking, ya bastard!

During an evening, I might get,

Him: out to do a fire with wife and friends

Me: have fun! But I’m thinking, fuck them and the bitch you’re with.

My jealousy “issue” has come up in conversation after lovemaking, when we chat. He’s very thoughtful and will ask me if I’m ok about what he tells me or about life in general.

He knows I don’t have an easy life.

My personality makes it hard for me to open up. I have a tendency to say what people want to hear and not what I’m thinking or feeling. My lover has a lovely and gentle way, so I open up to him, but it’s hard to admit my jealousy.

When he has plans with his wife, he will ask if I’m ok. I know I am, but I have to fight the green monster away every time. It’s hard because my lover often takes his wife away on overnight and weekend trips.

I want it to be me damn him! It’s so hard to be pleasant when he does, but I try.

Me: I hope you’re having a great weekend, but I’m never thinking that.

You get the gist. Jealousy overtakes me, and it’s all I can do to try and “play nice,” as my mother taught me.

Jealousy just might drown me one day. When it does, I’m sure it will carry me down to the slimy, green, and ugly weeds at the river’s bottom, where I belong.

That’s my truth — jealousy rules me.

This makes it harder still —

Adultery Has Never Been So Lonely During Covid Times

Lost in Liverpool

medium.com