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ggings at Thornfield Hall or wandering the streets of Derbyshire, I’m my own boss. I acknowledge that some may see sleeping in a pile of athleisure uninvited outside your home as a gross act of sedition, and for that, I must express my deepest regrets. Just know that I only do so because I’m so overcome with ardor for my small business venture. If you could only feel an ounce of the fiery passion burning, in my heart surely you would respond to me in turn and join the LuLuRoe family?</p><p id="b315">Yours always,</p><p id="043c">Jane Eyre</p><p id="c3c9">Darling Samantha,</p><p id="82f3">Your lack of response yesterday evening has only strengthened my resolve. Ruminating on our encounters, I realize that I have yet to tell you my “LuLuRoe success story” and for that, I cannot apologize enough. Before I joined LuLuRoe, I was poor, obscure, and plain, with no money or means. A chance encounter with a wealthy man, one Mr. Rochester, has grown into a strong partnership with many entrepreneurial opportunities (one can just envision how many boxes of LuLuRoe can fit inside a drafty Victorian mansion). But the truth is our business cannot grow without recruiting more talent. I understand that you may be feeling hesitant — living one’s life to the fullest is not for the faint of heart. That’s why I went ahead and signed you up. A few boxes of LuLuRoe are currently on route to your address. Once you see the quality of these leggings, I’m certain you’ll begin to see things from my purview.</p><p id="ae8c">Forever yours,</p><p id="4c51">Jane Eyre</p><p id="a86a">O Samantha,</p><p id="177d">How it pains me to see your most fruitful years for investment opportunities wasted under the drudgery of a “steady 9 to 5.” How I so hoped you’d join me on my journey to financial success. I was disheartened to hear that instead of ope

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ning your threshold to the LuLuRoe delivery man you drew your curtains and shrieked “Get those damn leggings off my property!” until he was forced to depart. But no matter: that is now in the past, and much has happened since our last encounter. I’ve moved onward and upward from my LuLuRoe partnership and am living with some like-minded individuals. (Technically, they’re my cousins, but things begin to get murky if I refer to them as such.) We spend our days reading scripture and recruiting people into our way of life. Before you ask, no, this is not a “pyramid scheme.” I simply would like to know if you have heard about our lord and savior Jesus Christ? I breathlessly await your reply.</p><p id="525e">You dear friend,</p><p id="7591">Jane Eyre</p><p id="f1aa">Salutations Dear Samantha,</p><p id="8425">I find myself in a bit of a conundrum. I’m in a lot of trouble with this whole LuLuRoe business. I was unaware how much inflation has gone up since 1847 and am in need of some extra income. Would you be interested in purchasing some Herbalife Supplements?</p><p id="b925">Sincerely,</p><p id="0c8a">Jane Eyre</p><p id="aaf7"><b><i>Read more Slackjaw Humor Writing Challenge winners:</i></b></p><div id="2b18" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/slackjaw-humor-writing-challenge-2021-the-winners-fa5a164c3ae"> <div> <div> <h2>Slackjaw Humor Writing Challenge 2021: The Winners</h2> <div><h3>All winners from the 2021 Challenge…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*C0zXaEDMAy8OMd6amUPDiw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Jane Eyre Tries To Recruit You Into A MLM Scheme

Your lack of response yesterday evening has only strengthened my resolve.

Illustration by Edmund H. Garrett, from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë, 1897 edition

Dearest Samantha,

I hope this letter finds you well, though I acknowledge that quite some time has passed since I initially made your acquaintance. Reflecting upon the manner of our relationship, it is much to my chagrin that I never got the chance to alert you to an exciting business opportunity. I’ve recently had the good fortune of becoming an Independent Fashion Retailer at LuLuRoe. Were you aware that women can wear leggings without bringing deep shame upon their names in our year of 2021? I know: I can scarcely believe it myself! I’ve always admired your sharp wit and business acumen, and would love to invite you to become a part of the LuLuRoe community. Would you be interested in hearing more? Wait, don’t answer. I’ll pack up my leggings and start walking now. I should be at your homestead by nightfall.

Sincerely,

Jane Eyre

My Samantha,

I write this letter by firelight (a trick I picked up from my business associate, one Bertha Antoinetta Mason) and am camped outside your home. Did I mention that becoming an Independent Fashion Retailer gives you the means to set your own schedule and work from anywhere? It’s true: whether I’m begging acquaintances to purchase patterned leggings at Thornfield Hall or wandering the streets of Derbyshire, I’m my own boss. I acknowledge that some may see sleeping in a pile of athleisure uninvited outside your home as a gross act of sedition, and for that, I must express my deepest regrets. Just know that I only do so because I’m so overcome with ardor for my small business venture. If you could only feel an ounce of the fiery passion burning, in my heart surely you would respond to me in turn and join the LuLuRoe family?

Yours always,

Jane Eyre

Darling Samantha,

Your lack of response yesterday evening has only strengthened my resolve. Ruminating on our encounters, I realize that I have yet to tell you my “LuLuRoe success story” and for that, I cannot apologize enough. Before I joined LuLuRoe, I was poor, obscure, and plain, with no money or means. A chance encounter with a wealthy man, one Mr. Rochester, has grown into a strong partnership with many entrepreneurial opportunities (one can just envision how many boxes of LuLuRoe can fit inside a drafty Victorian mansion). But the truth is our business cannot grow without recruiting more talent. I understand that you may be feeling hesitant — living one’s life to the fullest is not for the faint of heart. That’s why I went ahead and signed you up. A few boxes of LuLuRoe are currently on route to your address. Once you see the quality of these leggings, I’m certain you’ll begin to see things from my purview.

Forever yours,

Jane Eyre

O Samantha,

How it pains me to see your most fruitful years for investment opportunities wasted under the drudgery of a “steady 9 to 5.” How I so hoped you’d join me on my journey to financial success. I was disheartened to hear that instead of opening your threshold to the LuLuRoe delivery man you drew your curtains and shrieked “Get those damn leggings off my property!” until he was forced to depart. But no matter: that is now in the past, and much has happened since our last encounter. I’ve moved onward and upward from my LuLuRoe partnership and am living with some like-minded individuals. (Technically, they’re my cousins, but things begin to get murky if I refer to them as such.) We spend our days reading scripture and recruiting people into our way of life. Before you ask, no, this is not a “pyramid scheme.” I simply would like to know if you have heard about our lord and savior Jesus Christ? I breathlessly await your reply.

You dear friend,

Jane Eyre

Salutations Dear Samantha,

I find myself in a bit of a conundrum. I’m in a lot of trouble with this whole LuLuRoe business. I was unaware how much inflation has gone up since 1847 and am in need of some extra income. Would you be interested in purchasing some Herbalife Supplements?

Sincerely,

Jane Eyre

Read more Slackjaw Humor Writing Challenge winners:

Slackjaw Humor Writing Challenge 2021: The Winners

All winners from the 2021 Challenge…

medium.com