I’ve Decided to Close Out the Tarot Chapter of My Life

But let me leave you with something before I go.

Non-members can read for free here.

I always knew, when I got into the tarot niche, my time here would be temporary.

I fell into writing tarot readings by accident. I posted one, just to see what would happen, and I went viral. Since then, I’ve gone viral nearly 50 times. I know I have well and truly touched the lives of thousands of readers, and for this, I couldn’t be more grateful.

I must be honest with you, though. Recently, I’ve felt like I’m climbing uphill with readings.

To fully explain this feeling, we must visit the past.

Why I Started Posting Readings

I started taking Medium seriously last February. Last February was a very tumultuous time in my life.

I was two months into immersion learning Portuguese, which you can read as: I had been unable to genuinely talk to anyone for two months straight. I had chosen to immersion learn Portuguese in Brazil due to the craziest series of events I had experienced thus far.

In March 2022, I visited D.C. on a college field trip. I got my first ever tarot reading, from an old lady also named Charlie, and she told me to move to D.C. So, I did. Four months later. And I very quickly fell in love with the Brazilian man I was living with.

I had told myself I had been in love before. None of it compared to what I experienced here.

This love completely blindsided me.

I was a lesbian up until I met him. I wasn’t looking for love and for many months, I denied my feelings even existed. I did everything I could to run away from it. I didn’t want to think about it, I didn’t want to experience it, and most of all, I didn’t want to admit to it.

I felt there was nothing I could do to escape what I felt. I slept with other people, nothing. I didn’t talk to him, while living with him, for two months — didn’t work. I even left the fucking country, and still, I could not outrun myself.

My decision to go to Brazil was, on a conscious level, completely separate from him.

By some sort of divine joke, circumstances brought me to a job in his hometown. He was still in America the whole time, with no plans to return.

I wasn’t a religious person until I met him. When I met him, my entire life turned inside out. In February of last year, I felt like I had been chewed up and spit out by God himself.

Nothing made sense. No matter how I looked at the situation, I couldn’t explain it. How could I want nothing to do with a person but also want nothing more than to be wherever they were?

I felt like I was going crazy. So, I started writing.

My First Tarot Reading

I fell into the tarot niche by accident. I posted one reading, and it went viral. It is still one of my most viewed posts of all time. I kept posting readings, and they kept going viral. In just a few months, I had hundreds of people tuning into every single thing I posted.

It was insane. And unexpected.

I knew, even from the beginning, that tarot would be temporary.

I also knew that I needed the lifeline.

I needed something that mattered to me. I needed a way to work through all of my incredibly complex and powerful emotions. I wanted to feel helpful to others. I didn’t want to continue writing this mental story that I was some pathetic loser in love with a guy who she was too scared to face.

Tarot Changed My Life

I mean this both in the sense of the reading I got in March 2022, and also in the way that this account has permanently changed the course of my life.

Writing tarot readings gave me the courage to truly look at myself. It also gave me the chance to turn painful lessons into something that palpably helped other people. In being brave enough to own up to myself on a public platform, I saw how easily I could touch someone just by being willing to put words to painful truths.

The more people that came to me for help, the less lonely I felt with my problems.

Quickly, my tarot readings grew into something much larger than an immature twenty-something’s unfortunate experience with love. It became a community, an ever-growing set of followers who found pieces of themselves in my words. It became motivation to dive into myself as deeply as possible and report back all I had learned.

This account has genuinely seen me through my spiritual awakening.

Where I’m At Now

I never thought life could get this good.

I have so much gratitude for all I have been through because I have so much gratitude for where I am now. If I love who I am at this exact moment, how can I hold onto anger for anything that made me who I am?

I can’t.

I’m not enlightened, and I am definitely far from perfect, but life is much better than I ever thought it could be.

However, the more comfortable I get with happiness, the more I crave privacy.

I started writing tarot readings because I was grappling with my faith. In many ways, I feel like I publically wrestled the whole “Who Am I?” alligator on a public stage. I don’t regret this, and I feel it served a purpose, but now, there aren’t any more alligators to wrestle.

My connection to myself is concrete, and thus, my connection to the Universe is as well.

I can’t say anything romantic ever came out of falling in love. I can say I am glad I did fall in love. Now, I am nearly fluent in a second language. The confusion this love caused me forced me to reckon with myself. I am a much better version of myself because I fell in love.

I experienced a love powerful enough to change my entire life. For this, I am abundantly lucky.

My ego wants to claim that I am no longer in love, but I don’t think this will ever be perfectly true. I love him in a way I’ve never loved anyone before, which is to say, I love him regardless of where he is, who he has become, or whatever life he has chosen for himself.

I loved him enough to learn a language for him. That kind of love doesn’t just simply go away.

I can say I am grateful everything unfolded the way it did. Though I couldn’t see the sense in it at the time, this plotline has brought me more blessings than I ever anticipated having in my lifetime. Now that I am here, and now that it does not hurt me any longer, I can say I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

My Final Project

As I get more comfortable in peace, I find myself wanting to move on from tarot. What I always knew to be temporary finally has an ending in sight.

For three months now, I have been studying another profession entirely. This new pursuit has quickly become the next love of my life. I want to start shifting my focus away from tarot and into my next chapter.

There is one more thing I’d like to do with this account:

I want to teach you to learn tarot.

I have my content planned out for the next six weeks. A few final readings are coming your way, but my primary focus will be teaching you the ins and outs of this incredible tool that completely changed my life.

I believe we’re all capable of change. I believe change is a choice you must consistently make. If you want to change your life, I believe in you, and I will give you any support I possibly can.

For me, tarot was the single most transformative point in my journey. I am beyond honored and humbled to end out this incredible chapter on such a note.

With all of this said, this isn’t goodbye yet, but it will be goodbye soon.

Thank you, each of you, for all you have given me. I don’t have the words to express how much this chapter has meant to me. All I can say is thank you.