ABOUT ME? I’VE ALWAYS KNOWN I’M MY OWN WORST ENEMY 😂

My “About Me” page would read something like this…

I can’t believe how winded I am after only 2 months of fucking off. Bev/Lucy Ricardo was shocked.

Do you know why? Because I’m MY OWN WORST ENEMY. Since, ummm, forever.

I knew it at 16 when I wrote my poem REFLECTIONS (shared below).

For example, I walked, slowly, for 1 mile. It took me about 22 minutes on a treadmill while watching the New York City marathon.

I was so winded I was looking for the finish line tape. I should be walking through it at this point somewhere here at Planet Fitness, right? Because it felt like mile #26.

And where were the photographers and the people who should be handing out bottles of water on the sidelines, here at PF, after I SLOWLY walked a mile? HOW DARE THEY NOT BE HERE! And where’s my God Damn medal?

This is why I should have known better than to be so unhealthy the last 2 months to put myself here, again:

Because I was overweight for most of the last 30 years. I got really, really sick in 2018. I had diverticulosis and they ended up removing part of my colon. I didn’t eat solid food for weeks leading up to the surgery and was down to 175 lbs. in November 2018. A sickly 175 though. Not recommended.

The surgery was a success and I started eating again. I was cured! It didn’t hurt to eat any longer so I didn’t put the fork down until September 2022.

In 2022 my sister took a picture of me. I was in shock seeing I was up to 225lbs again. My blood pressure was super high and I was pre-diabetic. I even considered bariatric surgery. I needed a wake-up call and that picture was it.

So I started my health journey. I researched and learned all about the benefits of doing intermittent fasting, cutting out sugar, and cutting out all inflammatory things like oils other than EVOO.

The book by Dr. Gin Stevens, Fast Feast Repeat became my Bible. I started following Dr. Eric Berg, Dr. Mindy Pelz, Dr. Jung, Dr. Sten Ekberg, etc.

I started choosing from this list of food only:

EVOO, cage-free eggs, fish, grass-fed ground beef, avocados, jalapenos, garlic, apple cider vinegar, and leafy greens topped with guacamole instead of salad dressing.

Those were the foods I picked from every day after a 16-18 hour fast, and I lost 50 pounds. I cut out sugar, pasta, rice, potatoes and bread. I only drank alcohol twice a week.

Then I joined Planet Fitness and started working out almost every day. I learned that muscle building is the most important thing, not the aerobics. But I felt so good I even started completing 5k’s and lost another 10 pounds. Here’s me on stage in July 2023 getting an award.

I went from almost 230 lbs./size 18 in September of 2022, to 167 lbs./size 10 on August 30th, 2023. That’s when we left for our once-in-a-lifetime, bucket-list vacation to Hawaii for our 34th wedding anniversary.

My “goal” the last year.

And my mind never came back from that vacation. As if I forgot everything I learned. Sabotaging myself as usual.

I have been eating cakes and pies and drinking Mojitos and shots like I’m still on the island.

And I’ve gained 20 lbs. back.

But today, seeing how winded I was after walking a mile was way more of a wake-up call for me than the fact that I had started to gain the weight back.

That’s what happens when you start eating cakes and pies and drinking alcohol daily kiddos.

All the cakes and pies I’ve been eating are probably worse for me than the alcohol though. The government hid for DECADES the fact they KNEW sugar and refined carbs were the bad guys and HIGH INSULIN LEVELS AND/OR INFLAMATION are the cause of most diseases. The reason Alzheimer’s, diabetes, and cancer won’t go away.

It’s THAT industry that is killing us. And why lobbyists spend billions keeping the consumers in the dark.

But I digress.

Because I have been eating and drinking all that shit again daily, like a fool.

My mom used to say when you know better, you do better. Not the Lucy in me though. Nope. I knew better and chose not to do better. I went off the deep end the last 2 months.

It reminded me of a poem I wrote when I was 16 years old called Reflections about how I am my own worst enemy. Still rings true today.

REFLECTIONS, by Bev Benyamin.

A mirror stands before me

with reflections of my dreams.

They’re telling me something about myself

or so that’s how it seems.

In one reflection I’m an eagle

flying high above all.

Then I’m a mouse, the Eagles prey, not more than one inch tall.

Another reflection begins to appear.

First I’m a lion then I’m a deer.

In every reflection, I am my own prey and now I realize my life’s the same way.

I’m going to be 58 years old this week.

And for the first time in a long time, I’m feeling it. I feel like the junk I’ve ingested since September has aged me 10 years.

The spring chicken I am exists only in my mind.

Time to stop being my own worst enemy, and work on being my own best friend.

Lesson learned.

About Me: Scared straight day 1.