It’s True What They Say About Social Media
We’re better off without it
When it comes to social media I’m pretty transparent. I accept it isn’t all bad, but I definitely feel for the most part the negatives outweigh the positives.
Some would say I’m pessimistic, or reading into it too much, but hear me out.
I remember a few years ago when I was really active on social media. It became a way to validate the things in my life – even small things like a lunch date or being in a new place had to be documented for it to exist.
I think seeing so many people doing the exact same thing normalised a notion that is actually quite messed up. I asked myself why I needed to share these things with everyone – Was it really my love for photography? Or was there something else driving it?
If I was actively communicating with the people in my life, then what real benefit is there to keeping up a life reel to a string of people I’ve never met?
The effort it took to always have my camera out whilst doing something fun became a thing I just ignored. I wanted to keep the denial going so that I could justify it – until I didn’t anymore.
I quickly realised I didn’t miss it at all. No withdrawals, nada. My life felt less cluttered; more time, less sensory, less faff. The way it used to be.
I would tell myself things like: “Everyone does it. It’s just the way things are now.”
But inside I was like why why why – I was so much happier before all this: I knew who I was, who loved me, who didn’t, and the ones who accept me for the good and bad. Social media didn’t complement or add anything to those relationships, and I’d wager a guess that it doesn’t for most people – we’re just too afraid to admit it.
Afraid we’ll disappear or won’t “matter” if we aren’t visible to lots of people. The truth is once you go down that road, no number will ever be enough. In retrospect these things are so obvious but still-I fell for it, and I know I’m not alone. So many people are conditioned into thinking excessive social media use is normal behaviour.
It’s not.
We’re not doing it to share with the people we care about the most, we’re doing it for ourselves.
What’s the point in stopping for even a moment of your time with loved ones to share it with everyone else. What’s your real intention?
It’s not coming from place of love if it’s only about you. How is a picture of you on holiday or an update on your body, fitness standing, or relationship status going to help anyone?
It’s not contributing anything good, but instead has the potential to do the opposite. You could also be unknowingly causing detriment to the relationships that mean everything to you.
‘A New York Times article that ran in June 2018 features a newlywed couple who nearly separated after their honeymoon. The reason: the wife spent more time on the trip planning and posting selfies than she spent with her husband.’ – Harvard School Medical Affiliate
This is quite an extreme example, but even a less intense use of social media can have an equally detrimental impact on your close relationships over time.
The key is to always ask yourself why: Why do I need to get this out there? Is it for the eyes of a specific person? Just be honest with yourself.
I brushed off these questions for a while – when you’re wrapped up in it you’ll do anything to defend it. But it’s so clear to everyone else that you’re posting it for you: for validation, affirmation, and significance.
‘They’re searching for validation on the internet that serves as a replacement for meaningful connection they might otherwise make in real life.’
But it doesn’t give you those things in the long term. It’s a short term ‘high’ that breeds anxiety and inadequacy. It’s a cycle that chips away at the good and you end up feeling worse than when you went in. Really, what’s the point?
You’re sharing that part of your life because you want everyone who knows your name to associate you with good things, admirable experiences etc. In reality, you’re most likely driving people away: The good ones.
It’s always about you, and honestly, most people don’t care about your day-to-day. A withdrawal from social media actually protects you from unnecessary exposure.
I know it’s not all doom and gloom, but for those on the fence, I urge you to consider a life without submission to the cyberspace.
The happiest people, the ones who exude genuine confidence and contentedness tend to be less interested in having a social media presence. Insecurity speaks at high volumes on these platforms, and it can be the harshest of places to turn to if you find yourself at war with your mindset.
It may seem harmless to post something about your life that you’re proud of, or you desperately want the world to know, but if you find yourself doing it often it’s worth looking at what’s urging you.
It’s okay to reject something that doesn’t sit right with you, even if it seems like it’s just the norm now.
If you decide to keep it, I hope this makes you reflect on your intention – Ask yourself if it’s coming from a good place, or to feed something within you. If so, there’s plenty more options out there to fuel that need; lasting and fulfilling.
Call up a friend, arrange that meal, but let go of the need to let the world know. Cherish it for what it is in reality instead of sparing the time to validate yourself from it.
People really do notice when others are too wrapped up in social media, and I guarantee you’ll leave someone you care about with better vibes after seeing them if you’re completely present with them. No one wants a kill joy who can’t detach themselves from their iPhone – even you.
Take a break from it all. Better still, get rid. I promise the things that matter in your life will remain.
See how you feel without all the clutter, even just for a while – there’s a New Year around the corner just aching for a resolution.
Maybe this is yours.
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