It’s Time to Admit Working From Home With Children Is Not Working
When you split your time between work and caring for children, everything suffers
I work in spurts of ten uninterrupted minutes at a time. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
If I read one more cheery article about how to master working from home while simultaneously playing the role of teacher to young children, I will lose it. I know their hearts are in the right place, but there is no easy fix for this one. No bullet list of suggestions that will help you perform the job of two people at the exact same time.
What is needed is the magical ability to clone ourselves in two, one that works and one that cares for the children and the household.
But without a clone, what are we supposed to do?
If you’ve got a partner that can split the duties, you may be able to handle this without losing your sanity. But from what I’ve seen, I admit it’s all anecdotal, is one partner taking on the burden of childcare, housework and procuring supplies while the other partner goes into a room, shuts the door, and works all day.
My husband is currently one of those uninterrupted workers. He’s gone off to his newly erected office in our guest room and he comes out occasionally for a snack. I accept that it has to be this way. I want him to work uninterrupted. His is the primary income, the reliable income with benefits. But it doesn’t make this any easier.
Ironically, while social distancing, I’m never alone
My freelance writing is a fairly new enterprise for me. It’s sporadic and doesn’t come with health insurance or any other benefit. But in normal times, when my kid is in school, I have the time to make extra income while finding a creative outlet in a corner of the world where I’m not known as “mommy.” I love being “mommy”, but I also need a sense of purpose and interaction with other adults.
Before the lockdown, I could manage both of these worlds, but now, worlds have collided and I’m left struggling to make it all work.
Many of us are in this same place. Freelancers that are used to working from home are now finding their quiet workspace is now never empty nor quiet. Parents used to dropping kids off at daycare or school and then going into the office, are now trying to make it work from home every day.
A brief aside: As I write this, my child is currently reading from her science book in a strange, high-pitched voice at an extremely loud volume. I can’t exactly stop her from doing her work since I’ve nagged all morning that she starts it, but this is beyond difficult to formulate any kind of focused thought. If anything meaningful comes out of this article, I will consider it a small miracle. On the other hand, she doesn’t currently need me for anything, so I must continue writing.
Then there is the guilt
On top of everything is the tremendous guilt I feel for complaining about anything. My family still has our primary income. We have health insurance, we have resources. But most importantly, we’re together, safe and healthy. And I know that’s the only thing that matters.
Yet, the days are long and I am tired.
Teachers have it hard too
We’re all close to losing it these days. It’s not just parents at home trying to navigate through e-learning with their kids. Teachers have a heavy load as well. Incredible demands have been placed on them to continue teaching students electronically.
They are conducting Zoom meetings with classes, creating lesson plans, and grading papers. They are trying to make sure every child is participating, even though many students do not have access to the technology required to participate in e-learning. And many of them have children that need their e-learning as well.
A series of bad options
What’s the answer? It seems to me, the only options are bad ones.
Bad choice #1: Quit your job and dedicate yourself full-time to teaching your child
This is a bad idea. I am not willing to give up the little world I’ve carved for myself outside of being a mother. And people working from home full-time should not have to give up their salaries and leave themselves with nothing to return to when this is over and the kids go back to school.
Bad choice #2: Let your children fend for themselves all day while you work
Another bad idea. Depending on the ages of your children, you may emerge from your work to find your house has blown up. And anyone involved with e-learning knows that most kids need guidance to manage it.
You could announce to your child’s teacher you’re done with e-learning. Maybe that’s the answer for some families, especially those with very young children. Let’s be honest, how much e-learning can a kindergartener do anyway? But for most, keeping up with schoolwork provides at least some sort of routine and connection to the outside world. Most people won’t benefit from abandoning that.
Bad choice #3: Otherwise known as the only choice. Keep on keeping on
What can we do? We’ve got to work and we’ve got to keep our kids home. We can take solace in the knowledge that although we have no end date in sight, this won’t last forever. Someday those kids will get back on their buses and back into their classrooms. We’ll go back to our busy lives with school, work, activities, parties, and playdates. Until that faraway date, we can try to appreciate what we’ve got. Time at home with our family. Time we’ve never had before.
What we need is for employers to give us all some slack. You’re not going to be as efficient with your kids at home as you typically are. Employers have got to understand that. Everyone has seen kids burst in during a Zoom meeting. We’re all doing the best we can in difficult circumstances.
Teachers need to give the kids some slack as well. If a math worksheet gets missed here or there, or even an entire day is skipped, kids are going to be okay. They may be missing the usual education time, but they’re all missing it together. Kids are resilient, and they’ll get right back into the swing of things when school starts up again.
Self-care is more important than ever
Most importantly, we’ve got to make sure the primary caregiver is getting some alone time at least occasionally. Admittedly, this is harder in single-parent homes. But if you’ve got a partner to help you, ask for help. Don’t wait for them to notice you’re losing it. They probably won’t. Maybe that’s just my experience. All the same, let them know you need some help.
Children need self-care too. In our household, we have called a temporary halt to all screentime rules. After all, they’re on screens even when they’re doing e-learning. My daughter is currently obsessed with that new Animal Crossing game and I’m letting her play to her heart’s content. We’ve even started playing together before bed, completely blowing our no screentime before bed rule out of the water. It’s a peaceful little game and I’m enjoying it as much as she does.
To sum it all up
Here are my suggestions for staying the course.
- Keep hanging on by a thread. What other choice is there?
- Protect your mental health by practicing self-care. We can’t let this one go or we won’t make it.
- Remember what you have to be grateful for. This helps a lot.
- Play Animal Crossing before bed. Trust me, this works.
