It’s time for a little collusion or price fixing. I propose:

1 Clap = I enjoyed your post as much as reading the back of a Baby Ruth wrapper. There is nothing wrong with reading the back of a Baby Ruth wrapper. Sometimes, you know, you need something to read.

10 Claps = I enjoyed your post as much as the article about “Obama’s Secret Wife” that I read in a tabloid while waiting on line at the grocery store.

20 Claps = This was great. I actually thought about the same topic and started a post but never finished it. I won’t bother now, thanks.

30 Claps = This was as good as reading a book about whaling (my favorite thing in life is reading books about whaling).

40 Claps = This was as good as reading a book about bull fights. I actually like reading about bull fights more than whaling, but there are no good books about bull fights.

50 Claps = I am giving you 50 passive-aggressive claps so that you know you shouldn’t have published this piece on Medium. I mean, this is so good. Why the fuck did you publish it here?