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Abstract

ately caused me not to care that I would wake both of us before we were ready. We have both had little energy today. It’s not a good feeling and it makes these dark moments much harder to handle. It also makes it much harder for me to get motivated to write, which is one of my favorite activities to do during the day.</p><figure id="2adb"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*FLLkuGXZuG1rwq85V7S4Bw.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@jakobowens1?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Jakob Owens</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/8ccbIm1mMn4?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="1d5b">How Medium’s changes have been messing with my motivation and energy</h2><p id="03bf">The uncertainty in the new rules that Medium has thrown out there for stories that they will boost or not boost has me feeling unloved. I still haven’t been boosted to this day. At this point, I’m starting to care less and less about actually getting one since I’m not monetized anyway. It would just feel so nice if Medium actually validated my efforts though.</p><p id="de00">I’m not writing low-quality stories and just trying to pump stuff out there. I put thought into everything I write and I try so hard to make sure I leave a valuable life lesson or some takeaway for my readers so that they understand the why behind my stories.</p><p id="5745">I even put that level of thought into every one of the challenge stories that I did when I started back in January of this year with them. I might miss them a little bit and struggle to find ideas a bit harder to come by with my own sad, anxious mind figuring it all out.</p><p id="6f31">Seeing the numbers in my read ratios and viewership totals decreasing even with Medium’s promises of higher results due to a change in measurement isn’t helping either. I feel like the dip in my numbers is telling me to give up and that I shouldn’t even think that I’m a real writer. Something in my heart is telling me otherwise but it’s hard not to ignore the other voice sometimes.</p><h2 id="1b1c">“Don’t give up. This too shall pass.”</h2><p id="1892">I don’t plan on giving up completely. At least, I don’t think I am. I understand the little value that I have that I can find when I feel energetic enough to acknowledge it. Living with pain, hardship, and disappointment can be a bit daunting at times. But I’ve always tried to maintain a positive attitude throughout. I always think of the famous saying from the Bible, “This too shall pass.”</p><p id="0284">The lack of energy and motivation has led me to believe that my flickering light is trying to go out. I need to remember the saying on those days. Some days I feel like just disappearing and giving up all the way. It’s a sad and scary thought but I know to dwell on those thoughts. I’ve got to figure out more productive ways to keep myself mentall

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y healthy, even if my energy is waning as it is now.</p><p id="42e2">Maybe this little stretch of just over a week is the realization that time is continuously passing me by and that things aren’t going to stay the same for me. I’m good with aging. I’ve had to accept that I’m another year past 40 now. It’s not old by any stretch but with my failing health (in all aspects) and my waning energy, I don’t know how much time remaining life will give me. I think it’s also telling me and trying to show and help me relearn how to deal with adversity and stress and find new, healthier ways to cope with it rather than just scream, cry, and flail my feelings out.</p><h2 id="f934">Strategies going forward and what do I feel like I’m learning from all of this</h2><p id="3670">I need to find more creative outlets than just writing at this point. Medium has been wonderful for me and has really helped to get me to open up more. It’s also helped me cope with and process a ton of trauma from my life. When I feel that some of the uncertainty and energy drain is coming from the very thing that was meant to be therapeutic. I think that I’m going to have to start to diversify how I get my ideas out there.</p><p id="d30d">I have been delaying and carefully thinking about how I will relaunch my YouTube channel. Mike has expressed interest in joining me to do that. I think that the time spent working with my partner on a shared project will help me greatly. Mike has been a lot less involved with my writing on Medium than when I first started almost two years ago. That could just be me realizing that I don’t spend enough time with him and that my energy draining could just be tied to that.</p><p id="5dd2">I think I’m going to have to start considering taking more breaks from doing anything that requires me to drain any energy and conserve it for when I need it like when life happens and I need to focus on solutions to keep us safe and secure. I’m glad that I had the opportunity to find a solution for our flat tire but I think I need to plan ahead for the next potentially energy-draining disaster so we don’t have to make tough choices.</p><p id="e0c7">I’m going to have to plan for some worst-case scenarios and possibly even go longer stretches between writing or consuming anything that would keep me occupied. I don’t handle stress as well as I’d like to sometimes and that can definitely put me and even my partner in a position where we don’t feel at our best. I need to identify what triggers that earlier and be more aware of why I act the way I do when I don’t have the energy to cope with it in a healthy way.</p><p id="81ac"><b>Do you have any healthy coping mechanisms and tips and tricks to conserve your energy when you feel too overwhelmed by a ton of external stress? Let me know in the comments. All feedback will be considered and useful for me at this point. Thank you for reading and I hope that my explanation of all of this helps you in some way as well.</b></p></article></body>

MENTAL HEALTH/WELLNESS/INSPIRATION

It’s So Hard To Keep It Together When My Energy Is Just Leaving Me

My mind is doing some things to me right now and I’m just not feeling great at the moment

My birthday was last week. I’ve been in a weird place mentally since then. I guess you can technically say that the weekend before my birthday also gave me a bit of pause having to choose to do one really important thing (replacing a flat tire on my RV) instead of something that I really wanted to do (go to a new restaurant with my partner and celebrate my birthday in a bit of style). 41 hasn’t been off to a great start.

The disappointment from the weekend of my birthday didn’t solely cause my current mood. I think it’s just been a culmination of things. It’s all been a lot lately. I’m trying my best to manage those feelings and not overreact to the little things that are feeling like they want to pull me into a deep, dark hole. How am I coping? Am I doing enough to try to put myself in a good place?

Questioning what I’m even doing to keep myself sane and grounded

To the first question, I guess I’m going to say that I’ve been keeping myself distracted with editing, reading, and chatting with other writers on Discord. I have a lot of feelings and thoughts to process and deconstruct. I don’t know exactly where to start and I don’t know what will be the major moment that will cause me to implode and fall apart.

The second question is much harder for me to answer. Maybe it’s just the fact that I’ve had not only the lack of motivation to do much and my energy is just draining. It’s possible that I’m just not finding the right use of my energy but it also could just be that I’m becoming so nauseously aware of all of the things that are trying to get me down.

A disruption in energy and a lack of sleep have also been affecting my personal life

For example, today, I woke up and then woke my partner up accidentally. It was preventable and I should’ve known better. The whole thing resulted in me being avoidant in conversation and then led to a ton of screaming and flailing (mostly from me). I knew what preventative measures I could’ve taken to not wake him up. I have a hard time identifying my emotions in the moment sometimes and it leads to me wanting to shut down and then get angry when my partner wants to communicate.

Maybe my lack of energy and motivation lately caused me not to care that I would wake both of us before we were ready. We have both had little energy today. It’s not a good feeling and it makes these dark moments much harder to handle. It also makes it much harder for me to get motivated to write, which is one of my favorite activities to do during the day.

How Medium’s changes have been messing with my motivation and energy

The uncertainty in the new rules that Medium has thrown out there for stories that they will boost or not boost has me feeling unloved. I still haven’t been boosted to this day. At this point, I’m starting to care less and less about actually getting one since I’m not monetized anyway. It would just feel so nice if Medium actually validated my efforts though.

I’m not writing low-quality stories and just trying to pump stuff out there. I put thought into everything I write and I try so hard to make sure I leave a valuable life lesson or some takeaway for my readers so that they understand the why behind my stories.

I even put that level of thought into every one of the challenge stories that I did when I started back in January of this year with them. I might miss them a little bit and struggle to find ideas a bit harder to come by with my own sad, anxious mind figuring it all out.

Seeing the numbers in my read ratios and viewership totals decreasing even with Medium’s promises of higher results due to a change in measurement isn’t helping either. I feel like the dip in my numbers is telling me to give up and that I shouldn’t even think that I’m a real writer. Something in my heart is telling me otherwise but it’s hard not to ignore the other voice sometimes.

“Don’t give up. This too shall pass.”

I don’t plan on giving up completely. At least, I don’t think I am. I understand the little value that I have that I can find when I feel energetic enough to acknowledge it. Living with pain, hardship, and disappointment can be a bit daunting at times. But I’ve always tried to maintain a positive attitude throughout. I always think of the famous saying from the Bible, “This too shall pass.”

The lack of energy and motivation has led me to believe that my flickering light is trying to go out. I need to remember the saying on those days. Some days I feel like just disappearing and giving up all the way. It’s a sad and scary thought but I know to dwell on those thoughts. I’ve got to figure out more productive ways to keep myself mentally healthy, even if my energy is waning as it is now.

Maybe this little stretch of just over a week is the realization that time is continuously passing me by and that things aren’t going to stay the same for me. I’m good with aging. I’ve had to accept that I’m another year past 40 now. It’s not old by any stretch but with my failing health (in all aspects) and my waning energy, I don’t know how much time remaining life will give me. I think it’s also telling me and trying to show and help me relearn how to deal with adversity and stress and find new, healthier ways to cope with it rather than just scream, cry, and flail my feelings out.

Strategies going forward and what do I feel like I’m learning from all of this

I need to find more creative outlets than just writing at this point. Medium has been wonderful for me and has really helped to get me to open up more. It’s also helped me cope with and process a ton of trauma from my life. When I feel that some of the uncertainty and energy drain is coming from the very thing that was meant to be therapeutic. I think that I’m going to have to start to diversify how I get my ideas out there.

I have been delaying and carefully thinking about how I will relaunch my YouTube channel. Mike has expressed interest in joining me to do that. I think that the time spent working with my partner on a shared project will help me greatly. Mike has been a lot less involved with my writing on Medium than when I first started almost two years ago. That could just be me realizing that I don’t spend enough time with him and that my energy draining could just be tied to that.

I think I’m going to have to start considering taking more breaks from doing anything that requires me to drain any energy and conserve it for when I need it like when life happens and I need to focus on solutions to keep us safe and secure. I’m glad that I had the opportunity to find a solution for our flat tire but I think I need to plan ahead for the next potentially energy-draining disaster so we don’t have to make tough choices.

I’m going to have to plan for some worst-case scenarios and possibly even go longer stretches between writing or consuming anything that would keep me occupied. I don’t handle stress as well as I’d like to sometimes and that can definitely put me and even my partner in a position where we don’t feel at our best. I need to identify what triggers that earlier and be more aware of why I act the way I do when I don’t have the energy to cope with it in a healthy way.

Do you have any healthy coping mechanisms and tips and tricks to conserve your energy when you feel too overwhelmed by a ton of external stress? Let me know in the comments. All feedback will be considered and useful for me at this point. Thank you for reading and I hope that my explanation of all of this helps you in some way as well.