It’s Okay to be Where You’re at Right Now
I went for my six-monthly check-up for my pill today.
I was initially annoyed at having to go when I’ve barely left the house for the past few months and felt like I was unnecessarily ‘putting myself at risk’ by sitting in the Doctor’s surgery. Except I also don’t fancy getting myself pregnant so that soon put a stop to those thoughts.
When I got there, I needn’t have worried. It was empty and the nurse was wearing full PPE. I sat less than a metre away from her and it felt so good. Bizarre thing for me to say I know, but I’ve not been in such close contact to anyone else but my husband and cats for the last three months.
Anyway, we do the regular tests, have a bit of chit chat about the current situation and the holidays we’ve missed out on, and then she moves onto the health questions.
“Are you still doing your light exercise?”
I was a bit taken aback as I remembered the last time I was here I was walking most days and attending the gym at least three times…a year. So yeah, that did count as ‘light exercise’.
Except now, I’ve stopped my living room yoga, and I leave the house once a week to walk round the block to my Mother-in-Law’s to collect the washing she’s done for us as our washing machine has broken.
I wonder if I should tell a little fib but I’m quite fond of being honest so I pull a face under my mask and say, “I’m not going to lie to you, I’ve done zero exercise in the last month. I was doing yoga and that’s stopped and I’m not even going for a walk. I’ve kind of hit a bit of a wall…”
To my delight, she tells me that lots of people have said the same thing and it’s totally normal given the circumstances.
And so she moves onto the next question.
“What about your alcohol intake?”
I feel the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile as I say, “I’m also not going to lie to you on this one — I’ve been having a gin a night, sometimes two.”
She starts counting up the units out loud and I quickly chime in with “definitely only one a night, max.”
She moves swiftly on to the final question.
“And your diet?”
I burst out laughing. And so does she.
You see, it’s okay to be where you’re at right now. Whether that’s tootling along at high speed, achieving everything you’ve ever dreamed off, or sitting still, riding the wave, and getting through each day as best you can. Gin in one hand, bar of chocolate in the other.
Lean into it
For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling completely ‘blah’ but I’m sleeping amazingly well. So much so that I press snooze every single morning and starfish in bed before finally dragging myself out of my pit. My energy is really low. I keep expecting to wake up and be at the height of motivation again, but it ain’t happening. And so, I’m learning to lean into it. To let myself feel the way I feel. To realise that I am where I am, but whilst I’m here, I may as well work with it.
Be kind to yourself
Stop with the expectations of where you think you should be. The world is a scary place right now and the best thing you can do is be kind to others and be kind to yourself. Give yourself a bit of leeway. Embrace those lie ins. Watch all your favourite childhood films. Do whatever feels good to you in the moment. Give yourself a break. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Just be.
It’s only temporary
Nothing lasts forever — whether it’s something good or bad. Whenever I feel myself spiralling into an endless pit of despair, I remind myself to question: “Will how I’m feeling now matter a year from now?” It’s pretty likely that it won’t. And whilst that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to get up and jump for joy and feel okay again, it does mean that I can put things into perspective a little bit.
I’ve not been in this situation before — none of us have. But we’ve all been in some kind of shitty situation at some point in our lives, and we’re still here to tell the tale. And whilst we might not be in the same boat, we’re all in the same storm.
“Even if things aren’t going the way we want right now, we will always get through it.” ~Stacey T. Hunt
