Don’t Mess with Albert
The Time Genie asks Einstein’s advice
I heard that Time decided to run backwards. (He had just seen a Christopher Nolan movie.) As this was really just experimental, the Genie in the Time Bottle figured he needed some advice. So he called up Albert Einstein.
“Al, here. What can I do for you?”
“Al! It’s so good to hear your voice again! It’s your old friend, the Genie. I was wondering if you could give me some advice?”
“I’ll try. What’s up?”
“Well, I just saw this weird movie, Tenet…”
“Oh, boy, that’s a doozer! Nolan tried to get me to consult, but he is one weird dude…”
“You weren’t involved?”
“Naw, I helped him out. My price was to get out of Heaven for a couple days. It was fun.”
“What did you do?”
“I went to Mar-a-Lago to see Trump.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No, I really did. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. Everybody in Heaven is totally effing pissed at what he’s done, even the Big Guy Himself.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. When the seven people who died told us what had happened on January 6th, we couldn’t believe it. Trump must have thought it was some sort of game, I guess.”
“But it wasn’t.”
“So, yeah. I went down to Florida for a couple days to let him know what the Big Guy and the Angels think about it. Would you believe, the only way he’d talk to me is if I played 18 holes with him?”
“Figures.”
“So I did. He was lying the whole time. Told me that Kushner had planned the whole thing. And, are you ready for this? He told me Kushner has this plan to turn his building, 666 5th Avenue, into a giant drill to get to the Earth’s Core…”
“Where the Other Guy lives…”
“Of course. Trump, Kushner, and Ivanka had read on some cuckoo website that McConnell had this magic elixir in his office that could make the 80 million Americans who voted against him turn into mindless slaves who would all pay $69.99 for a blu-ray of the new movie they’re making…”
“Wow, again.”
“It’s called, ‘Donny And Satan: Friends Forever.’”
“Makes sense. So they had to drill down to interview him.”
“You got it.”
“Did McConnell really have that elixir in his office?”
“No. When the Insurrectionists broke in, all they could find was a case of Old Granddad.”
********************
Well, when Time’s very own Genie heard this, he just started crying. He knew Trump was mad, of course, and this just proved it. He completely forgot about his plans to go backwards. It didn’t seem like it was worth the effort anymore.
But Albert got him to reconsider.
So, between the two of them, they built a Time Reversal Device (TRD) that they put in one of Trump’s golf clubs, and the next time Donny took a swing… he found himself in a Mississippi cotton field in 1839.
And he doesn’t need to use tanning spray ever again.
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© “John” Lesly Levin 2021