Summary

The article reflects on the natural evolution of friendships and the realization that some are not meant to last beyond a certain point in life.

Abstract

The author of the article delves into the complexities of maintaining friendships over time, acknowledging that despite fond memories and past closeness, some relationships may become strained or superficial when revisited after a long period. The narrative describes the author's internal conflict upon receiving a message from an old friend, Jessica, and the subsequent struggle to rekindle their once deep connection during a coffee meet-up. The author concludes that it's important to recognize when a friendship has run its course, accepting that moving on does not negate the value of the time spent together, but rather acknowledges the organic progression of life and relationships.

Opinions

The author believes that some friendships are inherently tied to a specific time and place and may not naturally transition into new life stages.
There is an expectation that reconnecting with an old friend should feel comfortable and familiar, but the author suggests that this is not always the case.
The article posits that attempting to maintain a friendship out of obligation can lead to repetitive and unfulfilling interactions, which can tarnish the original fond memories.
The author expresses that it's common to feel guilty about drifting apart from a friend, but this is a natural part of life that shouldn't be forced or unnecessarily prolonged.
The author's perspective is that ending a friendship is not a reflection of its past significance or the care for the individual, but rather an acknowledgment that the relationship has reached its natural conclusion.

It’s OK to Admit That Things Just Aren’t the Same

Some friendships are better left in the past

My phone blinked to life. I paused to glance at the floating notification banner.

Jessica? I haven’t heard from her in ages! What has it been? 6 months? 7 months? I swiped up on the my phone and tapped in the password.

“Hey! It’s been so long. How are you? I miss you.”

For moment, I held my phone and smiled like a goof. She’s just so sweet. I love when good friends hit me up out of the blue.

A million fond memories played in my head.

Those reckless nights when we wandered campus during midterm week. The times when we would make mid-day grocery runs to grab things we really didn’t need — like cookies and Lunchables.

I looked down at my phone again. I pressed my lips together — I had to think.

What should I say? I couldn’t just throw back something generic. This was Jessica. We’re really, really good friends. Or we were.

But she’s still a really good person. I love the girl to death. We just don’t get to hang out and chat all the time like we used to. But if we did, things would be the same.

Should I tell her about what happened at work yesterday? But how can I explain everything without dropping an essay bomb? She just wants a quick TLDR on how I am, right?

Okay, maybe I’ll tell her about the blind date I went on last week. Wait, that might be diving in too deep, too quickly. We are really good friends, but it’s almost been a year! I’ll definitely tell her… just later. Besides, I don’t want to make the first few texts about me.

Hmm. I’ll say something about this cool recipe I discovered. Yes, that’s good. We’ll ease into a nice hearty conversation. Just like old times.

But the friendly, good-hearted small talk did not dissipate. Instead, it stayed. And lots of obviously placed emojis accompanied it. There were plenty of “lols” to indicate the nervous laughter we could not hear over text.

Nonetheless, we picked a day, time, and place to “catch up over coffee”.

The day rolled around. And it didn’t fall back into old times.

Instead, it was like two overgrown adults splashing uncomfortably in the kiddie pool. Neither of us really enjoyed being there. Both of us felt obligated to stay, like we were supervising a non-existent child. None of it made any sense at all.

Sure, it’s a little weird seeing each other in person after so long. Maybe an awkward side-hug is expected. Some stuttering to get over the obligatory in-person small talk is acceptable.

But a superficial, lack-lustre conversation that goes on for a few hours? It’s as bad as it sounds.

This is actually a recurring theme in my life. After countless iterations, it finally dawned on me. Sometimes, a friend from the past is just that — a friend from the past.

The pet peeves, the inside jokes, the quirky habits — the essence of the person I was once very fond of, sometimes just doesn’t travel well over time.

At a certain point, we stopped creating new memories. Being with them started to feel like inception.

Admittedly, sometimes I can shoot off a bullet point list of the key things we’re going to hit in that “catch-up” session. Often, it goes a little something like this:

A gentle introduction with: “I miss you” and “how are you”
A rundown on: current jobs, future dates, and plans for the long-run
An attempt to discuss: weather, news, and popular TV shows/movies
Awkward dancing around: real problems, stress, and anxiety
A quick jump to: all the (past) good times — cue the throwback
A closing with: lies about how nice this encounter was and how we should definitely do it again soon (just not too soon)

It starts to become a really bad case of déjà vu. You become a robot. Not the smart kind with fancy AI technology that adapt to new environments. But the dumb kind, the type that can only run a few programmed sequences.

First, you’re hopeful. You brush off the obvious boredom think that it’s just a blip in the journey. But the longer you wait, the more you realize it’s actually a massive hill and you can’t see the top.

You don’t want to keep hiking up this trail. Actually, you want to turn around and go back to the life you knew before your good friend hit up you.

It makes you feel guilty. Even though we all know that people drift apart. That life gets in the way even when we don’t want it to. But when it happens, we fight it. Because we don’t want to admit that we let something good go sour.

But some friendships don’t stand the test of time. They were never meant to. And it’s not your fault. Hanging onto the wimpy thread of memory to sustain the friendship makes the ropes wear thin.

Reminiscing a “good time” is only pleasant when you’ve actually waited long enough to forget it. When the friendship becomes painfully predictable and repetitive, it’s time to admit that it’s better off left in the past.

Moving forward and leaving someone behind doesn’t mean you didn’t cherish the friendship. It doesn’t mean didn’t care for the person, or that you don’t care for the person. And it doesn’t mean you won’t wish them well in the future.

It just means that you’ve finishing writing your chapter in their life and they’re done editing the paragraph in yours. The work is done and it’s time to move on. Staying would actually sour the friendship and diminish the memories.

A lifetime is rich with plenty of friends, but friends don’t always last for a lifetime. And that’s okay.