It’s Official: I’m an A-Hole

“Medium Madness” has me by the throat.

I offended someone the other day and although at the time, I was filled with what I thought was righteous anger, my knee jerk response has come back to kick me in the ass and envelope me in a shroud of guilt.

The Medium community means a great deal to me. I’ve learned so much from the spirited writers here and I hope there are those who have gleaned something from me, in return.

If nothing else, I hope people have learned from my screw-ups, of which there have been many throughout my life and of which I’m not shy about sharing. After all, sharing is caring, right? So “they” say?

When I finally bit the bullet and created my own publication, Rogues’ Gallery, I was pretty psyched. I still am, thanks to the stellar editors and writers who have graciously come on board.

One thing I didn’t consider: What it would feel like to have to turn people — fellow writers — away, if their work didn’t quite hit the mark, either in tone, or topic.

I am well-versed in rejection, as I have stated on several occasions, but I need to keep in mind that there are those who are a bit more fragile, especially writers who are just starting out.

Thankfully, the writers I’ve rejected have been few and far between. I’m always respectful and I always invite them to re-submit. And they have been gracious, in return.

As a publication “owner,” I don’t believe I should be any less particular than those editors who run P.S. I Love You, or Human Parts or The Startup. I have a very singular vision for Rogues’ Gallery and I hope it’s working. We shall see, I guess.

But, as I’ve hit the year-mark in my Medium membership, I’m beginning to feel like I’m on a sinking ship. By myself.

My head swims and my stomach roils at the amount of time and work it takes to maintain a presence here. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my grip. Like I just want to say, “fuck it, what’s the point?”

Just hurl my battered psyche over the side of the ship and rev the engine.

The point is, I love to write. That’s why we’re here. That said, with the shift in the Medium landscape and the amount of hustle needed to navigate the hills and valleys, I’m beginning to feel competitive in a way I’m not proud of.

I’m calling this, for lack of a better moniker, “Medium Madness.” And I’m discovering that it’s some crazy shit.

Competition is good. It’s healthy. It keeps the fire stoked. But sometimes, competition brings out the ugly, the inner beast, if you will.

Let me give you an example. I’m a kind person. Empathetic. I always try to see the other side of a situation. Yet, the other day, I unleashed the beast and now I’m ashamed.

A writer on Medium submitted to RG. One of their drafts was published, the other I pulled as I didn’t feel it worked.

This individual was very nice about it…asked for feedback, etc. No problem. End of story. Although, not quite.

I wrote a story focused on “drive” and how it can come back to bite us in the ass. The piece was published in The Startup and also curated in Writing.

In the story, I asked people to share their experiences on how they “keep on keepin’ on,” basically. Naturally, I was hoping for feedback. Comments. Engagement.

Instead of just commenting, the writer in question linked to a story they’d written as a response to mine.

I was pretty pissed. I’d never seen that before and I thought it was a shameless plug for their own work. I’m sorry to say I hid the response before reading the story.

And then I emailed the writer and unloaded. Nothing terrible. I just told the truth. In return, I was blocked and also received an email stating that the writer had put in a lot of time and thought to craft a response to my comment about “sharing.”

Look, folks: I still don’t feel that the writer’s including their own story link was appropriate. Again, I’ve never seen that done, but perhaps I’m mistaken.

What I do feel bad about: As the writer pointed out, I could have let them know I was displeased with the response, asked them to remove it and left it at that. Instead, I was overtaken by “Medium Madness” and made an enemy, basically.

The writer asked to be removed from my publication. I’d already done so.

Medium community: You tell me in any way you deem appropriate — was I wrong?

And to the writer in question: If, by any chance in hell you should read this, I apologize. Not for the way I felt, but for not letting you know the way I should have, one human being to another.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

As always, thanks for reading. If you’re up for more, please check out the following:

And please consider writing for Rogues’ Gallery. (I’m really not an A-Hole.)