Mental Health | Recovery
It’s Not Over
Why you should stay
*Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, mental illness*
Do you feel like it’s over?
Do you feel like life isn’t worth living anymore?
Do you feel alone, no matter how often you interact with people?
Me too…
Depression is the epitome of struggle.
The feeling of increasing weight pressing against your limbs. The feeling of fog drifting over your eyes. The feeling of hopelessness assuming control of your mind.
Maybe for moments, these feelings go away… But never for long enough.
I have deeply struggled with this illness for years, but specifically, after I was fired in March, I’ve been approaching my lowest low. I have never had this much free time… This much time to think… This much time undistracted.
I am constantly at a loss in finding my “purpose”. I don’t want kids, I don’t want to get married, so why am I here? If a human’s only job is to procreate, then I’m useless… Aren’t I?
Suicidal ideations are real… Damn I know them too well. It’s scary how convincing the mind can be. The easiest decision is obviously to stab myself or take all of my anxiety meds at once… Isn’t it?
The ideal decision is the go away, there are no options left… Right?
Thankfully, in these moments of craving the end, my family and friends quickly convince me otherwise. However, not everyone has this luxury.
That’s why I’m writing this, to tell brutally and honestly, why you should stay.
Killing yourself significantly impacts others
I know it seems super easy to peace out on life, but once you leave, everyone else around you stays… And they suffer the consequences of suicide that you never will.
Your sister kills herself 3 weeks after your suicide. She hangs herself in your bedroom closet. Your decision caused her too much pain… She had no idea how to handle it.
Remember Sam? That weird kid you never talked to in high school drama class. Well, Sam cared about you a lot… Sam admired your spirit and talent… Sam wanted you to succeed… To live. Since your passing, Sam started using Cocaine and Crack because you taught them it’s never worth trying.
It is a fact that the people you are connected to will be significantly impacted by your suicide. Even if you feel you are a burden, an annoyance, or not deserving of love… It doesn’t matter. You dying will always be more physically and mentally harmful to others than you staying alive.
Don’t believe me… Read this.
Killing yourself is painful
Have you ever gotten a paper cut? Have you ever had the stomach flu? Have you ever suffered through a panic attack? Have you ever broken a limb?
Imagine how painful, uncomfortable, and dreadful these experiences are. Ending your life amounts to all this affliction times a million.
Even though dying feels like the easiest and most pain-free option, this doesn’t mean it is that way.
If you choose to commit suicide you will be leaving in pain. You could bleed… Convulse… Choke… Suffocate… It’s not pretty, it’s ugly. Not only will you feel this agony… Whoever finds you will remember you in this state.
I’m not saying this to make you feel worse, I am saying this because I care.
I’m in the same boat as you and it’s important for both of us to know the facts. The pain and significance of suicide isn’t just a constructed argument to make us stay… It’s the truth… It’s reality.
It’s not over.
Stick around with me a bit longer, let’s discover why life is worth it.