Its not Enough

Improvement begins with I — the inside.

Sunil was calling me for a couple of days, and I could not pick his call. Finally, we connected one morning and had deep conversations related to something that was bothering him.

He mentioned that he had recently given a presentation to a client and was not happy about it. “I didn’t live up to my expectations in that performance” were his exact words.

Sunil’s words delighted me. His thoughts pleased me. I have not had many conversations with people who think the way Sunil thought.

Most coachee mention that they did their best over months, and the appraisal discussions too went well, and they are expecting the best outcomes. Likewise, your team member might come forward after a presentation and says that he has done his best and is sure to get the best results. Such statements are ubiquitous, and when the results are not favorable, blame it on the decision-maker. Very common.

The critical link here was self-awareness.

Sunil seemed to be a person who looks at his mirror after each performance. He was a genuinely self-aware person. Perhaps he believed that mirrors tell the truth. They do.

Sunil looked, read, and accepted his reflection. Then, he gathered thoughts to seek affirmation towards the next steps. How often do we find self-aware people?

A reality check is super important — what better way than self-access first, which helps you run on rails smoothly. Another advantage of self-check is to keep your confidence level to its optimum.

I was interested in more conversations with Sunil for better understanding. I was in awe at his discontentment. Sunil’s urge to introspect was coming from his discontent. If he were content, he would have had maybe shown ego in his character, aggression on his face, and arrogance in his talk. Instead, I found him very humble, empathetic, and optimistic personality.

Sunil had a remarkable ability to estimate his self-awareness. He would be a manager in a few years now. Maybe that was the reason that he was able to access his position. People grow in organizational ranks and attain success. I believe and have experienced that success reduces this ability to introspect. Or I should say that success reduces the chances that one looks inwards to gather more awareness.

Most managers have the habit of overestimating their performance over those who are in lower ranks. But, on the other hand, almost all in lower positions have inquisitiveness and zeal to gather more skills, knowledge, and with the right intention to change their attitude.

Would-be managers train themselves to hear good about themselves. When they attain the desired position above, they will start liking only those who commend and compliment them. Listening about their inabilities, inefficiencies, and incorrect judgments is not acceptable to them. As praises come from external sources, they have no inclination to devote time for introspection, thereby often overestimating themselves.

It is fantastic to find those who are in pursuit of self-awareness.

Those aware of themselves and know to read reflections are bold since they may not like what they see. Sunil was one such person.

My further conversation with Sunil revealed that he was a very introspective kind. He wasn’t thinking about himself but sincerely trying to know himself. So, the former is easy and excellent, but the latter is more challenging and provides better directions.

Here I have a four point suggestion for working upon self-awareness.

Firstly, feedback is essential. Develop a strict regime to know about yourself. In this plan, it is important to hear about yourself about not-so-good things from others. It sounds complicated, yet not impossible. Focusing on what you hear rather than from whom will make matters simpler. Also, focusing on the person will allow you to form opinions about others, which is not the purpose of this regimen.

The second one is introspection. Plan a schedule for ‘aloneness.’ This space is to look inward to validate those not-so-good matters you have heard about yourself and ask yourself ‘What’ can be done about it. Caution, don’t use the ‘Why’ words, else you will start misjudging.

For example, if someone told you that you get angry about minor irritants, don’t ask yourself ‘WHY’ you get mad. Instead, ask WHAT you can do to be still and calm when a similar situation arises next time.

As the third step, plan various actions to restrain the rage. Some of them could be –

a. Look out for warning signals,

b. Hold your responses,

c. stop talking & practice deep listening,

d. break away from the conversation for some time,

e. Have some quiet time. Indulge in nature by sitting on the balcony, attending to plants, playing with your pets, listening to humor/jokes, and others

f. Listen to your favorite music/tune

Next, practice all planned actions. These self-improvement actions, when done repeatedly conducted with consciousness, will work wonders.

The last step is the outcome of my discussions with Sunil. He had emphasized, “you can lift through the power of awareness.” Sunil has developed a habit of speaking to himself about progress. His inner talk is mostly repetition that there is still a sizeable empty room for improvement. Response to his ‘what’ question fills the room, but every feedback expands it.

So repeat to yourself, “it is never enough as the sky is the limit for improvement.”

About the Author: Nagesh Ramamurthy is a speaker, trainer, and transition Coach. He assists in people’s transformation to prepare his coachee to be ready for their new role. In addition, he writes to share experiences he has gathered in his personal and professional journeys.