It’s nice to be alive but I don’t feel a heartbeat

Sir, come, sit with me. im not sure that like what I see. where do you think everyone has gone? can you think of anything we should do? please, in a whisper. come closer to my ear.

i cant make much of loud sounds anymore.

i have a draft in brain from my days on cocaine and I have to keep my cortisol low. will you hold my hand for a bit? i havent been touched in years. you can tell me how you like to be talked to.

just please, dont leave.

i want to hear of everything. the time in Tibet. after your time as a vet. did i tell you about the time i modeled nude for that artist? i starved myself for weeks but ate three hard boiled eggs before the shoot.

he never did call back.

ive since been living on kale and kelp, still theres no one around to touch me. tell me about that time you had a brush with death when you were staying in the desert eating herring and doing meth.

does your head still hurt? have you ever been poisoned? what was your highest grossing year?

i mostly wish i hadnt worried so much. wished i hadnt worked so much.

oh, your brain too? does it rain a lot for you? does it signal you to stop when you dont?

i may have made a mess of things here. i do know that i was loved. did your lovers take care of your hurt? i hope it wasnt too much to endure. things, they can get pretty tricky.

i spent a lot of time making up stories. thinking about what it would feel like to be thinking thoughts other than those of my own. feeling a lot of things i thought i shouldnt be feeling. that sort of thing. did you have creative pursuits?

its the only way i stayed alive.

i keep feeling like there are these things i want to ask you but time. i think its stealing my words. would you mind if we just sat here in silence? holding each others hands. for a bit.

its nice to be alive but i dont feel a heartbeat.

and i dont feel yours either.

and i dont think i have anyone to call.

oh, dear, i remember. one thing. what did you want to do before you die?

that one thing. before you die.

before i die.

Sir. i think we may have. i think weve died.

and i never knew your name…