“It’s Just What You Do” Is Baloney. Feel Free to Disregard These 13 Social Norms Entirely

And watch your life get interesting

Doing something in life just because it’s “What You Do” annoys the bejeezus out of me.

Going with the flow may feel like the easiest path in life but it’s predicated on the idea that society knows what’s best for you.

It doesn’t.

Life can get so much more interesting, happy, and dare I say fun once you put these 13+ social norms to bed.

Chasing the cash like you’re Scrooge McDuck

Otherwise known as making all the money you possibly can at the detriment of everything else in life.

Money is of course, important. Unless capitalism goes bye-bye, we can’t do without it.

But society says you need to make not just money, but a lot of money. And that we should hold those who manage to do so in the highest of esteem (I’m looking at you Warren Buffett / Elon Musk / Bill Gates / Jeff Bezos / Mark Zuckerberg. All lovely guys I hear 🙄).

Yeah, you don’t have to do this. In my experience, the more content, interesting and smart people are, the less they’re interested in making big bucks. For these people, knowing how much money is “enough” is more important than chasing the dollar dollar.

It might not be What You Do, but it sure makes life more interesting.

Spending weekends doing nada

I’m not a rom-com fan but there is a scene in Eat Pray Love when some grumpy Italian points out:

Americans. You work too hard, you get burnt out, then you come home and spend the whole weekend in your pyjamas in front of the TV

Watching this movie many moons back was the first time I’d seriously considered that not everyone spends their weekends doing nothing other than getting over their working week (we Brits are suckers for this too).

More recently, I’ve taken a leaf out of my European neighbors’ book and will spend weekends doing everything apart from sitting on the sofa. Walking, running, grabbing coffee for 2 hours, wandering through markets, hiking.

However tired I may be, getting my ass up off that sofa and smashing out my weekends makes me more energised than a Netflix marathon could ever do.

Halting your education at 21 (tops)

Education is weird. You spend the first 18 to 21 years of your life in constant pursuit of knowledge, then BAM — no more learning, only work, work, work.

Poppycock.

Learning does not — nor should it — stop once you finish high school or college.

Nor does it have to be structured. It could be as simple as picking up a non-fiction book or listening to a podcast about endless interesting subjects. It could be YouTube-driven. At the age of 40, my husband just taught himself Python programming language and is about to launch an app off the back of it.

If you halt your education as soon as the traditional learning ends, you could find yourself like many older people in a sticky situation. Which segues nicely into my next point:

Dropping in intelligence as you age

IQs decline as we age and sadly, I’m not surprised. I’ve seen too many older people lose their sense of purpose — their mojo even — resigned to sit and quietly waste the final third of their life.

I am under no illusion that slowing down as we age is somewhat inevitable. We are more tired and our physical bodies are not what they once were.

But that doesn’t mean our brains have to slow down too.

My grandmother-in-law is 93 and has one of the sharpest minds I know. She is forever curious, she reads and plays bridge and knows stuff few other 93-year-old would bother learning (she recently asked my husband to explain cryptocurrency to her).

She also laments that her peers refuse to do the same.

Growing old may be an inevitability but growing dumb is not.

Aging into a conservative ninnyhammer

As the old saying goes:

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

This has always terrified me. Am I destined to think Boris Johnson and Donald Trump have some “rather good ideas?” Will my thoughts on guns (bad) and abortion rights (good) swap places? Will I start to grumble about immigrants?

Of course not.

That 93 grandmother-in-law of mine? Her politics have always leaned left and that has never changed as she got older. If anything, I’ve become more liberal as I’ve aged.

Thank the Bernie Sanders for that.

Living an unintentional life

I’m tempted to write about the usual suspects here — a 9–5 job, a marriage, a house, kids — but that’s unfair because, for many people, that’s exactly what they want. And if that person has intentionally made that decision and they’re happy with it, that’s fabulous for them.

Rather, the point is that too many people fill their life with commitments and situations that do nothing for them because it’s What You Do.

A life filled with unintentional commitments is one hellova crappy way to live. And it’s not the only way. Intentionality is possible.

Living for vacations

Most of us work the hours and live for the weekends and vacays — most hours of which aren’t even taken.

But what if you turned it on your head and designed a life you don’t need to “vacate” from?

This isn’t an easy “What You Do” to reject I grant you, but there are people out there who love their job so much that they leap out of bed every day to get to it. Many of them you’ll find writing on this platform, in fact.

People who love their job still take time off, but they’re not counting down the hours to the weekend or their next holiday because they’re not desperately miserable in their day-to-day.

As I say, it’s not easy. But it is possible.

Buying, not renting

Despite the endless rent vs. buy debate, there is one point seldom considered.

There are not many people — certainly not ones I run with — who wouldn’t buy a house if they could afford to. Even fewer, I’d wager, would choose to rent if they had the money to buy a house outright (although there are exceptions).

Buying a house is still What You Do if you can but it doesn’t have to be, however much someone on the internet will try and persuade you it’s the only way.

Putting your traveling dreams to bed by your late twenties

I travel full-time and I have to admit, at 37 I feel old doing it.

Sure, when you’re in your twenties you’re less likely to have big old commitments like a career and a house and kids and whatnot so yes, traveling is easier to slot into your life. But that doesn’t mean travel isn’t possible as you get older.

Thankfully this “What You Do” social norm is changing. The average digital nomad age is 40. Remote work is no longer a pipe dream for many. Traveling older — even with kids — is becoming a very real possibility.

If you love to travel, you don’t have to quit it just because you’re over 30.

Considering the hours you work as a form of martyrdom

The Danish are famous for believing that if you work overtime it’s not because you’re diligent, it’s because you’re not good at your job.

Not so much in places like the US or Britain. Here, it’s expected that you put in more than your hour’s worth. What’s more, we’re gaslighted into thinking that’s a good thing.

I’ll be honest, I’ve not worked a 9–5 job in over a decade. But I have friends and family who do and it blows my mind how many of them still play the I work more hours than you game with each other.

But you don’t have to. If you’re working for the right company, your contribution should be considered more important than your hours. If your company looks more like something from the movie Office Space, might I suggest registering for an indeed.com account?

Inking yourself (or not)

Tattoos are a weird category of What You Do because they straddle both sides depending on who you are and the sort of people you hang out with.

For some people like my parents, Gen X siblings, and many people I meet in conservative countries, tattoos are a big no-no. My Eastern European friend for instance calls them the job-stopper.

For others, not having tattoos is a signal that you’re uncreative or simply uncool.

Ink yourself, don’t ink yourself, whatevs. Just ensure you do it (or not) because it’s what you want, not What You Do.

Spending a small fortune on your Big Day

Bonus point — calling your wedding day your “big day” when many other days in life are bigger (and better).

The average spend on a wedding is £32,000 (c. $38k) which blows my mind. Debt like that sounds like a crummy way to start your married life.

I hear micro weddings are in vogue now. Perhaps this is one What You Do that will soon be long forgotten (we can hope).

Having kids shoot out of your (or your partner’s) hoohoo

I saved the biggest What You Do for last. In the left-leaning-internet-world, not having kids is pretty much OK these days. In IRL, not so much. Just ask this 37-year-old childfree woman how many times she’s been asked when she’s “settling down and starting a family.”

Having kids is a great thing if that’s in your intentional life plan. If not, the pressure is so immense it can cause some women to buckle which is no use for them, their relationships, the kid (most importantly), the environment, and more besides.

Until the world fully accepts that some people don’t want, can’t have or indeed shouldn’t have kids, this “What You Do” will always be one of the most important.

It will take generations. I am already telling my young nieces that they don’t have to have kids if they don’t want to. Hopefully, they won’t feel the pressure to succumb to this particular What You Do if they’d rather shove a watermelon up there than shoot a watermelon out of there.

19 bonus What You Dos to question

• Climbing the housing ladder.
• Becoming a manager.
• Worshipping at the font of the millionaire (Elon Musk is not a genius).
• Getting into debt.
• Going to college.
• Applying for a car loan.
• Helicopter parenting.
• Living with 300,000 items
• Eating junk food.
• Not learning how to cook.
• Three hours a day watching TV.
• Seven hours a day online.
• Being overly polite.
• Taking the safe job.
• Hating your job.
• Moving out of the city when you love the city.
• Neglecting mental health.
• Not traveling because you have kids.
• Not working for yourself.

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