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Abstract

ither. Women are cunning and subtle. I’m just simplifying it because listing out the strategy on how we do this would be a whole other article. Okay, go to the comments and flip out because you know you want to.</i></p><p id="e78e">I’d like to think that I looked great. In reality, I had the Cougar Look down pat.</p><p id="55f4">Armed with 3 negative Covid tests (<i>after finding out Steven tested positive</i>), I walked into the restaurant’s bar. Jonah jumps up for a hug and pulls the chair out for me.</p><p id="e638">Confession: I hate when guys push the chair in for me. I mean, I’m <i>on</i> the chair. Unless the chair has wheels, it’s going to be rough and I have to lift myself off the chair. Good in theory. Horrible in execution.</p><p id="2f65">We immediately hit it off. Jonah has scruff (<i>meh</i>) but is otherwise a good-looking guy. He’s in the export shipping container business blah blah boring blah. He showers me with compliments all night. So far, so good.</p><p id="4605">Eventually, the red flags sprout. He seems overly religious because he goes to church every Sunday and makes a comment about things being in “God’s plan”. I have no issues with religion but that’s a whole other level. His marriage didn’t end well and he barely sees his children. Ideally, guys remain cordial with their kids’ mothers because I question the source of the drama.</p><p id="4fb4">He makes one thing very clear: he’s a guy ready to settle down.</p><p id="b25a">Before the evening is over, Jonah makes it clear that he’s ready to settle down <i>with me</i>.</p><p id="47cb">We make out and he murmurs about seeing me again. I briefly consider if he’ll respect me in the morning if I fuck him in his car but then I remember: I don’t care.</p><p id="4f98">Everything we’ve learned about men not wanting to commit if you have sex with them on the first date is some misogynistic myth to ensure women maintain faux purity. I bang plenty on the first date and not once has a guy not wanted to continue seeing me.</p><p id="c6c1">After an obligatory safe sex talk, we bang. To his credit, Jonah asks me over to his place for a proper bed but I don’t want to rely on him driving me back to my car. Car boning for the win. He’s got a great body for someone who is 51. I’m a sucker for strong shoulders and Jonah delivers. No complaints.</p><p id="c200">Jonah is a snuggler. I loathe snuggling. It’s an <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-fearful-avoidant-attachment-type-in-relationships-10fb1f34079d">Avoidant Attachment trait</a>. Snuggling is like emotional shackles. I tolerate some post-car-sex cuddling and chit-chat before announcing it’s time for me to bounce.</p><p id="dd00">Walking me back to the car, Jonah says he wants to see me again. We engage in some small talk and I make a passing comment about dating apps. Jonah jokes that he’s ready to delete Hinge off his phone. “Do you…want me to delete it off my phone?” he asks.</p><p id="8f9c">Whoa. Slow down, bro. The date is fantastic but I’ve got post-nut clarity and my mind is reeling, ready to dig for the red flags. I need to process and decide if I want to see him again. I give a giggly laugh and get in my car.</p><p id="72b8">Jonah tells me to text him that I got ho

Options

me safe. In the chivalry department, this move is appreciated and sweet.</p><p id="f340">Driving home, I review the red flags. Jonah said he’s fine that I’m not religious but made a passing comment if I’d ever be open to churching it up when spending the night (<i>that’s a cold hard “no”</i>). Kissing his scruffy face reminded me of <a href="https://readmedium.com/divorce-feels-like-one-drawn-out-death-9001a6107008">kissing my ex-husband</a> and I can feel my face turning red from irritation.</p><p id="4d21">His relationship with his ex-wife is the biggest red flag. I’m not a fan of the “my ex is crazy” routine. Not having a relationship with his teenage kids makes me wonder if the ex is crazy…or is there a side he’s hiding?</p><p id="9e88">On the other hand, my tendency after every date is to list all the reasons why I never want to see the guy again. Am I jumping the gun with my judgments? Am I actively looking for reasons to never see him again? Am I letting the past few months of mediocre men cloud my judgment?</p><p id="a165">Jonah is attractive and is eager to settle down without looking desperate. Not that I’d marry the guy tomorrow but it’s clear sliding into something long-term would be a breeze down the road. Should I lower my guard and let him in?</p><p id="8492">I pull into my driveway and text him that I got home safely and I had a lovely evening. Then, I ask him if he was free on Friday for our next date.</p><div id="ea3c" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/im-walking-away-from-this-marriage-with-nothing-98f8180795c2"> <div> <div> <h2>I’m Walking Away From This Marriage With Nothing</h2> <div><h3>It’s worse than I thought.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*dg6IgAbXL2eSHG8V)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="128e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/pretending-to-be-happy-takes-a-lot-of-energy-3b3b633aa21b"> <div> <div> <h2>Pretending to Be Happy Takes a Lot of Energy</h2> <div><h3>Jumping into the pain head-on.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*YwTWbYBzyk9SimeFLrr8SA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="9312" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/no-contact-the-brutal-way-to-end-heartbreak-42e296eb06a6"> <div> <div> <h2>No Contact: The Brutal Way To End Heartbreak</h2> <div><h3>Love addiction is rough.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*g4vdnfrNCEYXCTda)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

It’s Hard To Avoid Being Cynical When Dating

Do I keep an open mind or do I stick with my standards?

My brain needs a reset from my dating path.

As I divorced, I primarily saw the same guys (Thomas and occasionally Impotent Sean) for almost a year. After those ended, I jumped in heavily with Vance. While the relationship was less than two months, it still has a profound impact on me.

After that, I took the strategy that I’d agree to date anyone who asked me out. Being in a quiet home without my kids is unsettling and I needed the distraction from my constant crying on the couch.

My mentality was that I’m not looking to get married, so why not just keep dating and see what happens? Having an open mind is good, right? Shouldn’t we adopt the “you never know” mentality when meeting someone?

It wasn’t until my date with Steven (the guy who barely put in any effort and took the condom off without asking) that I realized: fuck this shit. If I’m going to be dating guys that I’m not interested in, I might as well sign up on a sugar dating website and score myself a Gucci bag.

A Gucci bag that I will then sell on eBay because I’ve got no shame in my game with my Walmart purse.

I am usually chatting with a handful of guys at once when I’m online dating. This isn’t a situation where you want to put your eggs in one basket. For two weeks, I chatted with Jonah. We picked a day in the future to meet up because our schedules weren’t aligning.

Well, my scheduling wasn’t aligning. He doesn’t live with his kids so the dude’s got more time than I do.

My brain was in full cynical mode when the day for our date arrived. I still hadn’t told Steven that it was over and I had months of dumb dates looping in my mind. My expectations were low with Jonah. Very, very low.

Still, I did the full glam. I blow-dried and straightened my hair instead of an air-dried frizz blob. Applied a full face of makeup instead of my sunblock-only face routine. Wore a little tight dress instead of a faded company t-shirt and jeans that haven’t been washed in weeks.

Men are simple creatures. Laugh at their jokes, make them feel smart, make them think you’re smart, and let them stare at your breasts. Make them believe they’ve found a unicorn. Cue the men reading this who will be offended. I guarantee every single guy I dated would insist this isn’t true either. Women are cunning and subtle. I’m just simplifying it because listing out the strategy on how we do this would be a whole other article. Okay, go to the comments and flip out because you know you want to.

I’d like to think that I looked great. In reality, I had the Cougar Look down pat.

Armed with 3 negative Covid tests (after finding out Steven tested positive), I walked into the restaurant’s bar. Jonah jumps up for a hug and pulls the chair out for me.

Confession: I hate when guys push the chair in for me. I mean, I’m on the chair. Unless the chair has wheels, it’s going to be rough and I have to lift myself off the chair. Good in theory. Horrible in execution.

We immediately hit it off. Jonah has scruff (meh) but is otherwise a good-looking guy. He’s in the export shipping container business blah blah boring blah. He showers me with compliments all night. So far, so good.

Eventually, the red flags sprout. He seems overly religious because he goes to church every Sunday and makes a comment about things being in “God’s plan”. I have no issues with religion but that’s a whole other level. His marriage didn’t end well and he barely sees his children. Ideally, guys remain cordial with their kids’ mothers because I question the source of the drama.

He makes one thing very clear: he’s a guy ready to settle down.

Before the evening is over, Jonah makes it clear that he’s ready to settle down with me.

We make out and he murmurs about seeing me again. I briefly consider if he’ll respect me in the morning if I fuck him in his car but then I remember: I don’t care.

Everything we’ve learned about men not wanting to commit if you have sex with them on the first date is some misogynistic myth to ensure women maintain faux purity. I bang plenty on the first date and not once has a guy not wanted to continue seeing me.

After an obligatory safe sex talk, we bang. To his credit, Jonah asks me over to his place for a proper bed but I don’t want to rely on him driving me back to my car. Car boning for the win. He’s got a great body for someone who is 51. I’m a sucker for strong shoulders and Jonah delivers. No complaints.

Jonah is a snuggler. I loathe snuggling. It’s an Avoidant Attachment trait. Snuggling is like emotional shackles. I tolerate some post-car-sex cuddling and chit-chat before announcing it’s time for me to bounce.

Walking me back to the car, Jonah says he wants to see me again. We engage in some small talk and I make a passing comment about dating apps. Jonah jokes that he’s ready to delete Hinge off his phone. “Do you…want me to delete it off my phone?” he asks.

Whoa. Slow down, bro. The date is fantastic but I’ve got post-nut clarity and my mind is reeling, ready to dig for the red flags. I need to process and decide if I want to see him again. I give a giggly laugh and get in my car.

Jonah tells me to text him that I got home safe. In the chivalry department, this move is appreciated and sweet.

Driving home, I review the red flags. Jonah said he’s fine that I’m not religious but made a passing comment if I’d ever be open to churching it up when spending the night (that’s a cold hard “no”). Kissing his scruffy face reminded me of kissing my ex-husband and I can feel my face turning red from irritation.

His relationship with his ex-wife is the biggest red flag. I’m not a fan of the “my ex is crazy” routine. Not having a relationship with his teenage kids makes me wonder if the ex is crazy…or is there a side he’s hiding?

On the other hand, my tendency after every date is to list all the reasons why I never want to see the guy again. Am I jumping the gun with my judgments? Am I actively looking for reasons to never see him again? Am I letting the past few months of mediocre men cloud my judgment?

Jonah is attractive and is eager to settle down without looking desperate. Not that I’d marry the guy tomorrow but it’s clear sliding into something long-term would be a breeze down the road. Should I lower my guard and let him in?

I pull into my driveway and text him that I got home safely and I had a lovely evening. Then, I ask him if he was free on Friday for our next date.