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Abstract

to squat over a mirror. Oddball is an idiom, not a euphemism.</p><p id="d8c2">Taxes are a power exchange — in return for your submissiveness, you might receive some pleasure. Unfortunately, tax collectors don’t like to switch roles because they answer to an even more coercive daddy — corporations. You’re guaranteed a little pain no matter what.</p><p id="ce3d" type="7">Informed Consent — You can file an extension and edge until October 15. Make sure to pay your estimated taxes first. Needing an extension doesn’t make you inadequate. It’s not your fault. It happens to a lot of people your age.</p><p id="8758">Grandma’s Cookies had their chance to sponsor this piece. It’s not my fault their brand sounds so dirty. Does anyone have marketing contact info for a clean brand like Otis Spunkmeyer? Nutter Butter?</p><p id="3496">I’m not a tax expert, but here’s enough information to make you spurt.</p><p id="5262" type="7">In a study of Québécois men and women — 47% of women and 60% of men have fantasized about dominating someone sexually. 34% stated they’d done so at least once in the past. The IRS doesn’t fantasize — they can just hold you down.</p><h1 id="cd2d">New for the 2023 tax year</h1><p id="3ba7">The IRS wants to undress your assets, tie up your income, and to dominate your take home. While you may not be granted your dignity — you can take solace in the standard deduction.</p><p id="dd46" type="7">Informed Consent — The 2023 standard deduction for married couples filing jointly is $27,700. For single taxpayers and married individuals filing separately, the standard deduction is$ 13,850. For heads of households, the standard deduction will be $20,800.</p><figure id="08fb"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*wzf-mMsl01cUysIpodc2ew.png"><figcaption>Created by author/ hot mess in Canva</figcaption></figure><p id="170b" type="7">Warning! You might end up with STDs, or standard tax deductions because they make filing easier. But sometimes more work = more pleasure. Check to see if itemizing is right for you. Some items just make sense — like Claire and me.</p><h2 id="7aac">Harder, Danny!</h2><p id="7666">Danny Werfel is the current commissioner of the IRS. He has slapped the following punishments on your bare ass.</p><ul><li>The enhancements to the Child Tax Credit as part of the American Rescue Plan of 2021 have expired. I guess that means you’re broke if you have kids. Guess you’ll have to eat that cucumber after you use it on yourself.</li><li>That’s it for this year. After the Presidential election cycle, expect to get paddled. Fiscally speaking.</li></ul><p id="81d9" type="7">The IRS isn’t playing around when the deadline hits. Remember the safeword — “April 15”.</p><h2 id="859f">Silk Blindfolds</h2><ul><li>Don’t let H&R block your cock this year. Save money and use the <a href="ht

Options

tps://www.irs.gov/about-irs/strategic-plan/direct-file">IRS’ new Direct File</a>, available in 23 states. It’s smooth and easy to use — like your cousin Mike mud wrestling strangers in a plastic pool at the Folsom Street Fair.</li><li>The maximum additional child tax credit has been increased to $1600. Good news for folks with a breeding kink!</li><li>Clean vehicle, dirty thoughts. Vehicles placed in services after 4/18/2023 that meet critical mineral <i>and </i>battery components standards are <a href="https://www.irs.gov/credits-deductions/credits-for-new-clean-vehicles-purchased-in-2023-or-after">eligible for a$ 7,5000 credit</a>. That’s enough to buy three 55 gallon drums of pH balanced, vegan, premium, long-lasting lube from Amazon.</li></ul><h2 id="8971">Choke Me Harder!</h2><p id="eae2">Said no one, ever, to the IRS. Breath play invites the seduction of risk in the same way that trying to avoid taxes does for some. Breathe easy — the IRS has yet again delayed its change in reporting threshold via payment cards and third-party network transactions.</p><p id="d294"><a href="https://www.irs.gov/newsroom/irs-announces-delay-in-form-1099-k-reporting-threshold-for-third-party-platform-payments-in-2023-plans-for-a-threshold-of-5000-for-2024-to-phase-in-implementation">The current threshold is $20,000 and the new threshold is planned to be$ 5000</a> — those of you selling your undergarments and used bathwater on Venmo, PayPal, or other popular payment processors need to make sure your goods and services are $4999.99 or less this year.</p><p id="3e39" type="7">Informed Consent — If you live in a Federally declared disaster area, you may be eligible for a filing extension. Build in an extension for next tax season by beseeching your deity of choice for a catastrophic storm!</p><p id="47a0">Are you <a href="https://www.irs.gov/payments/failure-to-file-penalty">planning on filing late?</a> “The Failure to File Penalty is 5% of the unpaid taxes for each month or part of month a tax return is late. Not to exceed 25% of your unpaid taxes.” Penalize me harder, daddy!</p><h2 id="989a">Where’s My Refund, Whore?!</h2><p id="83a1">Have you been reading my DMs? Once the IRS has acknowledged receipt and if you’re due a refund, refund status is available via the <a href="https://www.irs.gov/wheres-my-refund">Where’s My Refund</a> site. You can check on your refund 24 hours after an e-file.</p><p id="7f4d">Anyway, I’ll be using my tax refund on a little interior decorating. Or maybe I’ll <a href="https://readmedium.com/she-hit-me-like-a-ton-of-bricks-565a9ceb8ad3">buy some LEGOs</a>. What will you use your refund for?</p><p id="0ff6"><i>All reference links are to the official IRS website. Consulting a credible, licensed, professional tax professional is always preferable to info from a humorous writing zaddy.</i></p></article></body>

THE TAXMAN COMETH 2023 EDITION

It’s Getting Hot in Here — So Write off All Your Clothes

Americans! Let’s tie tax season 2024 up.

Safety is your responsibility. No media can replace proper instruction and experience filing. Make sure you use proper techniques and use protection before you get ‘knotty’. Photo by krivitskiy at Pixabay and edited via Canva.

Hi pookies — it’s tax slappin’ season! Let’s lube up and slide right into the meat of it all. The initialism bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism (BDSM) is the perfect analogy for the ‘Murican taxation experience.

BDSM may be the perfect analogy, but it isn’t the perfect initialism. The honor beleongs to the ophthalmology patient’s nightmare — ‘BDDSSM’.

Speaking of ophthamology — sudden visual loss may occur during certain consensual adult activities. Make sure you haven’t suffered debilitating visual loss by checking this eye chart. My eyesight keeps getting worse and worse.

I got cross-eyed on the fourth line. The first line, too. If my eye doctor is reading this — you’re fired. Image via pressanykey.com

But first — the lore. If you missed last year’s entry, you’re not too late! Let me. Fill you. In.

Last year — I suggested your approach to the tax year was not to procrastinate by masturbating.

It’s a new year — let's nudge the balls forward. It’s time to take matters into your own hands.

Taxes and BDSM represent an interplay of pain and pleasure — with a tinge of danger. The promise of a juicy refund is titillating. The thought of getting audited makes you stiffen up. There’s a lot of ‘I’m not sure if that fits in that slot’ accompanied by puddles of sweat. It’s a stressful, blissful season.

As always, I’ll be your stress reliever.

Taxes and BDSM are also a chore with too many damnable rules. But — the complications of taxation aren’t the worst thing this year. The worst thing is the ‘Madame Web’ film released, and there wasn’t a chesty, leather-clad mistress restricting people with webbing in order to give them a good spanking. What did you cast Sydney Sweeney for, Sony?

Informed Consent — The filing deadline is Monday, April 15, 2024, unless you’re an oddball who lives in Maine or Massachusetts. No need to squat over a mirror. Oddball is an idiom, not a euphemism.

Taxes are a power exchange — in return for your submissiveness, you might receive some pleasure. Unfortunately, tax collectors don’t like to switch roles because they answer to an even more coercive daddy — corporations. You’re guaranteed a little pain no matter what.

Informed Consent — You can file an extension and edge until October 15. Make sure to pay your estimated taxes first. Needing an extension doesn’t make you inadequate. It’s not your fault. It happens to a lot of people your age.

Grandma’s Cookies had their chance to sponsor this piece. It’s not my fault their brand sounds so dirty. Does anyone have marketing contact info for a clean brand like Otis Spunkmeyer? Nutter Butter?

I’m not a tax expert, but here’s enough information to make you spurt.

In a study of Québécois men and women — 47% of women and 60% of men have fantasized about dominating someone sexually. 34% stated they’d done so at least once in the past. The IRS doesn’t fantasize — they can just hold you down.

New for the 2023 tax year

The IRS wants to undress your assets, tie up your income, and to dominate your take home. While you may not be granted your dignity — you can take solace in the standard deduction.

Informed Consent — The 2023 standard deduction for married couples filing jointly is $27,700. For single taxpayers and married individuals filing separately, the standard deduction is $13,850. For heads of households, the standard deduction will be $20,800.

Warning! You might end up with STDs, or standard tax deductions because they make filing easier. But sometimes more work = more pleasure. Check to see if itemizing is right for you. Some items just make sense — like Claire and me.

Harder, Danny!

Danny Werfel is the current commissioner of the IRS. He has slapped the following punishments on your bare ass.

The enhancements to the Child Tax Credit as part of the American Rescue Plan of 2021 have expired. I guess that means you’re broke if you have kids. Guess you’ll have to eat that cucumber after you use it on yourself.
That’s it for this year. After the Presidential election cycle, expect to get paddled. Fiscally speaking.

The IRS isn’t playing around when the deadline hits. Remember the safeword — “April 15”.

Silk Blindfolds

Don’t let H&R block your cock this year. Save money and use the IRS’ new Direct File, available in 23 states. It’s smooth and easy to use — like your cousin Mike mud wrestling strangers in a plastic pool at the Folsom Street Fair.
The maximum additional child tax credit has been increased to $1600. Good news for folks with a breeding kink!
Clean vehicle, dirty thoughts. Vehicles placed in services after 4/18/2023 that meet critical mineral and battery components standards are eligible for a $7,5000 credit. That’s enough to buy three 55 gallon drums of pH balanced, vegan, premium, long-lasting lube from Amazon.

Choke Me Harder!

Said no one, ever, to the IRS. Breath play invites the seduction of risk in the same way that trying to avoid taxes does for some. Breathe easy — the IRS has yet again delayed its change in reporting threshold via payment cards and third-party network transactions.

The current threshold is $20,000 and the new threshold is planned to be $5000 — those of you selling your undergarments and used bathwater on Venmo, PayPal, or other popular payment processors need to make sure your goods and services are $4999.99 or less this year.

Informed Consent — If you live in a Federally declared disaster area, you may be eligible for a filing extension. Build in an extension for next tax season by beseeching your deity of choice for a catastrophic storm!

Are you planning on filing late? “The Failure to File Penalty is 5% of the unpaid taxes for each month or part of month a tax return is late. Not to exceed 25% of your unpaid taxes.” Penalize me harder, daddy!

Where’s My Refund, Whore?!

Have you been reading my DMs? Once the IRS has acknowledged receipt and if you’re due a refund, refund status is available via the Where’s My Refund site. You can check on your refund 24 hours after an e-file.

Anyway, I’ll be using my tax refund on a little interior decorating. Or maybe I’ll buy some LEGOs. What will you use your refund for?

All reference links are to the official IRS website. Consulting a credible, licensed, professional tax professional is always preferable to info from a humorous writing zaddy.