It’s Been Six Weeks of Writing on Medium

What’s happening to me?

I wrote about my first month of writing on Medium just a couple of weeks ago, and things are already changing. I am concerned.

I thought my second month would be virtually the same as my first, but with hopefully more money from the Partner Program.

In some ways, writing on Medium is still going pretty much the same as my first month. I write, edit, submit it to a publication, and wait for it to be published.

But now, when my story is published, I begin checking my stats incessantly. How many reads, how many reads, how many reads? I didn’t used to do that two weeks ago.

Now when I publish a story, the next day, I look at it and proclaim it excrement. Things that I could have done differently leap out at me. How could such garbage get past me? It is dung. I suck.

I didn’t used to feel that way two weeks ago. What is wrong with me?

My confidence level when it comes to my writing is in the toilet. I even question whether my decision to write on Medium at all is the right decision for me.

I sit on the couch watching home shopping channels while checking my stats and eating ranch dressing drenched fried mozzarella sticks, wondering if six months from now I will still be making less than $10 a month on Medium.

It’s as if I’m having a Medium-induced midlife crisis. Except I’m almost 53, so I can’t blame Medium for a midlife crisis; it’s probably just my age.

During my first month on Medium, I was proud and excited just for having the courage to write at all. I didn’t care about how much money I made from the Partner Program; I didn’t.

But now, six weeks into it, I’m pressuring myself to make more money, which is why I check my stats so often. I have allowed my hope of progress in the Partner Program to measure my value as a writer.

I am a very impatient person. Impatience is not a good trait to have as a writer on Medium.

Success in the Partner Program takes time, like a fine wine that must age. That’s nice, but I don’t particularly appreciate waiting. Show me the money, or I’ll stop offering up my writing for nothing, and I’ll move along. Sometimes I don’t have the best attitude, I know.

Additionally, I’m not too fond of uncertainty. Not liking uncertainty is another trait that isn’t good to have as a writer on Medium with its frequent algorithm tweaks and changes.

I need to know the future, and I need to know it now, please. How long do I keep trying until I see it pay off, if it pays off?

No one likes to waste their time. I need to know with absolute certainty at what point I need to bail. When do I declare Medium bankruptcy?

I need some advice.

My dad would be 102 if he were alive today. That’s old. He was a man of few words, but those words were always meaningful and usually colorful.

When I got impatient, he would tell me to “keep a cool tool.” That was his way of telling me to simmer down, stop overreacting (also known as having a hairy conniption), and start letting things follow their natural course.

With that in mind, I will think about the life that I want to build for myself with my writing. I will reflect on all the benefits Medium has to offer other than the Partner Program.

The Partner Program entices and sucks a person in. It eats up time and occupies the brain. Sometimes it’s more trouble than it’s worth.

Medium offers other great opportunities that I would be better off focusing on at this time.

By writing on Medium, I have had a chance to grow my email list. Having an email list is the key to writing independence. I’m up to five people now, and I am incredibly grateful for each of them.

I have people who read my stories even when I think that my writing could be better. These strangers go out of their way to be kind enough to read what I write; they even clap and comment.

And I’ve met some lovely people and even made an amazing friend. You don’t get opportunities like this every day.

I need to think about the big picture and my writing goals outside of Medium. I have long term plans that don’t involve getting a monthly deposit in my Stripe account based on reading time.

The Partner Program does not determine my worth as a person or as a writer. Those earnings do not reflect my value or the rate at which I am making progress toward my non-Medium goals. Inadequate pay doesn’t mean that I am an inadequate person.

The most valuable progress I have made so far isn’t reflected in my stats and can’t be assigned a monetary value. The real fruits of Medium are the products of effort and time.

I’ll take a deep breath and continue moving forward. I guess I just need to keep a cool tool. Thanks, dad.

Please click here to join my email list and to follow my writing journey. Thank you.

Linda Kowalchek is a work in progress and a member of the typewriter generation. She spends her time with her husband and her rescue cats waiting for golf balls to crash through their windows. PSA: Don’t live next to a golf course.