It's Been A Good Year For The Roses

Coming to terms with the fragility of life and a near-death experience

Yesterday evening(Sunday) I was sat out on my porch ruminating about what a lovely afternoon I had had with my lovely wife at the coast. We often take a run-out just enjoy the fish sea air gently blowing in off the Pacific Ocean. Sometimes we take a coffee, or even better some locally caught fried fish at one of our favourite eateries just one hundred yards from the beach where the fish was caught. This time we didn't even have a coffee. We just sat on a grassy knoll admiring the beautiful sunset. Before long we headed back home feeling suitably rejuvenated by the run-out.

My wife was in the kitchen preparing our evening meal as I sat out sipping one of her awesome coffees. And in that relaxing moment, I finally remembered something from about two years ago, something I had been wracking my brains about for almost a week.

The Monday before I had a day at a local University hospital undergoing all manner of tests to discover the possible cause of something that has troubled me for six months, swollen feet. Personally, I had long ago come to the conclusion that the problem was related to some steroids I was taking to treat something called PMR.

Reading the slip of paper which accompanied the tablets, and checking the internet, it seemed I was on the right trail. Swollen extremities, feet, hands etc, were listed as known side effects. However, my doctor referred me to the hospital specialist, just in case. He wanted us to rule out any other possible causes, which can include cancer or heart trouble.

To be honest I wasn't keen on such an exhaustive round of tests, some of which are really quite invasive, like a camera down your throat to explore your stomach. This was a most unpleasant test, not least of all because it was carried out whilst I was fully conscious.

It all came down to one last test, an echograph ECG. The test itself was a piece of cake compared to some of the others. And feeling fit and healthy in all respects apart from the swollen feet and what was diagnosed as a strained Achilles tendon, I fully expected to pass this test with flying colours. I could not have been more wrong.

I was laying on my left side with my top off whilst a young female machine operator scanned the left side of my chest. "Breathe in....hold it....and relax...." Suddenly a middle-aged male came into the room and took over. The female stood and the male sat where she had been sat scanning my chest. Then, after about two minutes they changed positions again. At this point, not a word had been said to me. Indeed, I was half dozing off into a very relaxed state. I overheard some chit chat in Japanese, but I understood none of it. Suddenly the male spoke in perfect English.

"So, when did you have that massive heart attack exactly?"

I suddenly started to come round. and heard my shocked voice utter "What did you say? Heart attack! I have never ever had a heart attack in my ‘freeking’ life. What are the blazes are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry," said the male.".....not only have you had a heart attack, but you are also lucky to still be alive."

"Is it serious?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid so," he replied.

"Is it treatable?" He had to think about that one a moment or two. Very tentatively, and with a barely suppressed grimace, he finally replied.....

"I think.... error, well...I think so. Come to my office when you're finished up here and we'll talk about it." And with that, he was gone.

I was in a state of shock. My whole world was turned upside down. My mind was racing. How the hell can you have a heart attack and not know nothing of it? Surely I would have felt something? It must be a mistake. He's read the scan wrong or something. I guess I was in a state of denial. It was not so much that I didn't believe the doctor, I didn't want to believe him.

After such a strong morning of tire tests, and now this, I really just wanted to go and have some lunch at the excellent hospital restaurant upstairs on the fifth floor. My wife and I ate well but in silence. Personally, I was still in a state of shock. She later told me that all she was worried about was that if I had to be in the hospital for an operator who would bathe my swollen feet and bring me my favourite coffee. She really is the most unflappable pragmatist I have ever met in my life.

After such, we went back downstairs to see the doctor. He asked me to think really hard about any unusual experience, chest pains, breathlessness, anything from the past up to three to five years.

The only thing I could think of was something that had happened on the 2nd of October, a few weeks ago. That was an evening when my wife came home with some miso soup she had been given by her mother when she popped in to see her on the way home from work. At the end of the meal, I suddenly had what I put down to a reflux acid attack.

I had to get up from the table with the most awful pain from my stomach right up into my chest. It made me nauseous and dizzy and I had to go and lie down on the bed. Within a few minutes and with the aid of a glass of water, the attack ceased and I felt fine.

My wife and I put the attack down to her mother's home-made, well past its eat-by-date, miso soup. My mother in law does quite often forget how long ago she made something she has found in the fridge and has even made herself ill the odd time or two by eating it.

However, when I explained about this to the doctor he said no, this was too recent, the damage to my heart goes back much further than a few weeks. In other words, it was my mother-in-law trying to kill me with her soup, the doctor joked!

This left us none the wiser. No matter how hard I tried I could not recall anything other circumstances that might have suggested a heart attack. Later on, chatting with friends, somebody mentioned what is called 'Silent Heart Attacks' which apparently are not as uncommon as you might think!

And so now, just a few weeks until I am to go into hospital for urgently needed heart surgery I am trying to not get too phased out about it all. My wife and I are just trying to carry on as normal. Hence, a day out to the coast to relax yesterday.

And for some spurious reason, something did suddenly come to me whilst relaxing on the porch when we got home, something that happened about two years ago that may well have been the attack. It was something I put down to nothing more than a twisted nerve from my upper abdomen right down my left side and leg.

I was simply cooking and washing dishes at the same time. The stove is on the left, the sink on the right, and I was in the middle between the two of them. I twisted my upper body to the sink without turning my legs. And suddenly I felt the strangest sensation.

A tremble ran right down my left side to the point of me almost collapsing on the floor. At first, I thought I might have strained a nerve by twisting my body. But then I came over all light-headed and dizzy and my mind went to thinking this is what they call a TIA, which is a kind of mini-stroke.

I became very afraid of suddenly collapsing and slowly made my way to the dining table, holding on to other furniture as I went. I sat down not sure what to think. After a few minutes, the strange feelings began to subside. Eventually, I put it down to a trapped nerve and called my wife on Skype, she was in Japan at the time.

I was at our apartment in the south of Spain, so there was not much she could do about it. I decided to say nothing to her of what had happened as I knew it would only worry her. I just wanted to protect her from what I had decided was an unnecessary worry.

And now here I am sat on my porch and it all came back to me. I don't yet know if it was a heart attack or a trapped nerve, and if it was a heart attack, what use would that information now serve the doctor who is going to operate on me? I shall tell him about it, all the same, just in case it is helpful information.

I am not looking forward to the operation to be honest, though I am becoming less fearful of it. I have various friends who have been through the same thing. One of those friends told me "Embrace the surgery Liam, it WILL prolong your life." This has helped to make me feel a lot more relaxed and not to dwell upon it too much.

However, I suddenly asked myself, how can I turn a negative into a positive. What came out of that thinking was the story below, 'An Amazing Medical Discovery'. I was quite happy with the way the story developed, though I wasn't too sure how it might be received. Thankfully, a fellow editor and writer, Stuart Englander was bowled over by it, even to the point of calling it a work of genius and comparing it to the legendary Kurt Vonnegut!

Stuart, if you are reading this you have no idea how much that meant to me. Thank you from the bottom of my poorly heart. Those comments urged me on to write another fantastical story, which is the second link below, 'Living In A Parallel Universe'. And now I am planning to write even more stories in a similar vein. Meanwhile, I am planning my stay in the hospital.

I will be in a room with three others, Japanese most likely. And since my Japanese is not yet up to speed, I am going to need plenty of reading material, car and music mags galore is what I am planning to take. The hardest part will be my wife not being able to visit me due to Corona-virus concerns. I will miss her terribly, she really is the most amazing woman and I simply cannot live without her.

With a bit of luck, I'll get away with maybe a few stents being put in and I'll be out in three days. If the damage is more extensive then it will be a ten-day stay whilst they try to rebuild my heart.

Well, I now find myself asking what you dear readers can take from this, what is the takeaway?

1. Do not take your good health for granted. Have regular check-ups.
2. If you feel anything at all unusual, get it checked, it might be something and nothing, like a trapped nerve, or it could be a near-fatal heart attack or stroke. Men, in general, are far too unwilling to pay attention to the signs that their body is not as well as it ought to be.
3. Try to turn a negative into a positive. It could have been a whole lot worse. It sounds like I had a lucky escape two years ago. The doctor says that the damage suggests it was a fifty situation. Now that my friends are a very sobering thought.

My last words on this matter are, live well, enjoy your life and most of all are very careful with your health.

Dr Mehmet Yildiz Dr John Rose Desiree Driesenaar Dr Ludovic Gros MD Dr Michael Heng R. Rangan PhD Dr Manishi Pallavi Dr Preeti Singh Terry Mansfield Tony Young, Jr. Henery X Britni Pepper Geetika Sethi Agnes Laurens Selma Matt Lillywhite Thewriteyard Concierge Jo-Anna~Communications Connector Robert Trakofler Tree Langdon, CPA, CGA Joe Luca Rebecca Stevens A. Remington Write Stuart Englander Stuart Grant