EDITORS’ MEETING

It’s All Woo Woo Until It’s Not

Astrology, hallucinating, and MuddyEditors meetings

There’s no reasonable way to type up MuddyEditors’ meeting notes. Due to a lack of sleep last night, I arrived at the meeting feeling like I was hallucinating. Susan said that qualified me to write up the notes. I felt like a drunk Moneypenny.

Hallucinating is contagious in editors’ meetings. If you are interested in a contact hallucination, this editor’s room is for you. It’s drug-free, but you still seem high for the duration. Jokes do that. The collective hallucination ran rampant throughout the meeting.

Please consider this when reading the meeting notes:

1. Amy admits she is hallucinating due to sleep deprivation
2. Holly is attending the meeting via rotary phone, so she keeps dialing in her chat comments
3. Susan thinks Amy should take notes since she is hallucinating
4. Paul uses the words Woo Woo 17 times in reference to an ex or present wife — fact check this
5. Sarah joined us from Uranus. Earth misses her. She’s damn sick of Uranus
6. Holly carried her rotary phone outside to show us where she lives, which is rife with serial killers and cliffs. Her rotary captures images as well as an eye phone. We ask her to introduce us to the serial killers, but she doesn’t know any personally
7. Sarah says PNW serial killers are pretty common because of all the rain. Paul says, “I lived there once.” No one accused Paul of being a serial killer.
8. Susan told a story about obtaining internet service where she lives. One place quoted $5K as her cost, but another place installed the necessary infrastructure at no cost to her, thus providing service for her 20 neighbors too. I complained about HughesNet. Holly thinks there are too many trees around her to obtain excellent signal strength. (Her hubby’s on the phone w/HughesNet now & she hears him saying, “we have 60% packet loss”) — that’s why she’s calling us from a rotary
9. Susan isn’t sure why Holly voluntarily bought land near serial killers
10. Sarah returns to Uranus. We can tell because she’s gargling again.
11. Susan informs us that Hogan Torah is withholding a story about running a marathon in high heels — Susan wants it. So do I. So does everyone.
12. Great comedy comes from life’s most embarrassing moments, Susan tells us. We all secretly try to remember our most embarrassing moments. Mine involves toilet paper
13. We discuss how to find the shoe prompt that Hogan Torah poo-pooed. Here it is. Lucia is going to write something up on it.

13. Sarah is not only on Uranus, but she is calling us from the future, then the past, then the future again —It’s tough to understand her, so she primarily speaks in chat.

14. Sarah Paris needs $500 by Friday —we consider GoFundMe?

15. Holly mentions Ruby, her $27K dog who got into raw salmon and was poisoned. When she got her next dog, she bought dog insurance. Holly made us promise we’d stop feeding our dogs sushi. We were reluctant because we’re so fancy.

16. Sarah promises she will return to Earth by January — she side chats with me that she would like to date Jamie from Outlander. He is a very sexy man.

17. We have a moment of prayer for Sarah’s internet connection. Holly asks we pray for her too. We do. We’re those kinds of MuddyEditors

18. We spend 4,452 minutes talking about cable

19. Sarah asks Holly to adopt her when she finds out how good Holly’s dog’s health care is

20. Sarah “grounds” Susan for eating gummies yesterday, 1/8th of an edible at a time. In defiance, Susan ate a partial gummy during our meeting. Susan has a low tolerance. She could get high on a fig.

21. Sarah needs 500 dollars by Friday — No, really.

22. Susan is starting a GoFund-esque page to get Sarah money by Friday

23. It turns out astrology is more popular than any of us realized

24. Sarah doesn’t like astrology but she’s lost in space so you can see why

25. Speaking of lost, Paul got so lost on his bike yesterday, he biked 66.5 miles-most of it lost, he repeated. I’m glad he found his way home

26. Sarah ran 7 miles yesterday in an effort to escape from Uranus — no luck

27. Susan had an astrologer read her chart once and now Susan is a converted Woo Woo — at least a partial Woo Woo

28. Paul told us Astrologers have the best rocks, but he won’t tell us why. One of those “if he tells us he’ll have to kill us” situations

29. Ley lines have entered the conversation. Lucia knows what they are but we won’t let her tell us because we think the word ley is so funny, so we keep saying the word ley, lay, lei

30. Susan says ley lines were formed by ancient peoples who held string lines and were pulling the string apart and snapped them. I don’t know what that means.

31. Paul says his twelfth wife was born on a ley line, but maybe it was his seventh. Maybe he was only married twice. Fact check that.

32. Sarah is on the biggest ley line on the planet Uranus, we conclude. She is surrounded by so much energy that there is no way to reach her— Susan looked at a map and apparently we’re all on ley lines. I’m confused.

33. We spend 39,398 talking about how good CBD gummies are and what percentages we all take. My hallucination seems to be growing stronger. So does everyone else’s. Holly displays a package of 100MG THC cherry amaretto solid chocolate Bon Bombs (10 MG THC per bon bomb), of which she consumes one edible per night as a sleep aid (it also aids creativity when writing in the evening, ha).

34. Yesterday Lucia bought two vanities for her bathroom and her cat is available for therapy. That all happened while Sarah was running, Paul was biking, I was jumping in the Lake, Susan was CBDing, and Holly was grandma-ing children who were hiding under a dormant water bed

35. The group strategizes on how to bring Sarah back from Uranus by getting $500

36. Earning money to support our friends makes us all comedy whores — we’ll do anything creative

37. Holly leaves the room, then appears with pounds of magical poodle fur but she’s willing to sell dime bags of it to support Sarah returning from Uranus

38. We brainstormed various things to sell or do to raise $ for Sarah’s GoFundMe, which I think Susan is actually going to set up? PayPal was mentioned. Sarah will get $500 first; any remainder will be split equally among Mudditors. Put an ad in Bootyque for the GoFundMe.

• Holly said she’d read aloud a Hogan story containing Ducks & Ficks for $50 and could sell or auction off ziplock “dime bags” of Liza’s black & white poodle fur. Susan suggested printing labels “Liza & Sarah say thank you”
• Lucia said, “I don’t make bags; people do”
• Paul will sport his man boobs in his favorite dress, perhaps while singing? He volunteered to autograph random books, not ones he has written, for sale

39. Sarah recognizes her lifetime dream of becoming MuddyUm’s Flat Stanley

40. Susan declares Best Meeting Ever! We missed our editors who were unable to make it

Thanks Holly J See for remembering meeting data that I forgot.

To donate to the gofundme for Sarah Paris, click here. But wait until the gofundme staff brings the campaign back on line, which could take a few hours. Check back. They nearly cancelled us when they found out we were giving away comedy perks:

https://gofund.me/f37cb71b

If you donate: $1.00 — You’ll get a warm personal thank you from one of the Mudditors.

$5.00 — Amy Sea will read to you from this very cool just published Comedy Book. $5.00 — Amy Sea will read to you from this other very cool just published Humor Book. $10.00 — Amy will still read and even turn on the video in the Zoom room.

$5.00 — Paul Hossfield promises to skip editing your next MuddyUm story.

$10.00 — Sarah Paris will Rap OG Tribe Called Quest, but since she’s on Uranus we don’t know what the audio will be like.

$10.00 Holly See will send you a dime bag of primo poodle fur.

$20.00 — Paul will autograph a random book, and ship it to you.

$20.00 — Lucia S. will lead you on a virtual cat therapy session. This is cat petting, not pussy petting.

$50.00 — Sarah Paris will personally write a funny story. Just for you.

$50.00 — Holly See will read LIVE a Hogan Torah story.

$50.00 — Susan Brearley will recite Amy See’s story, “The Vagina Doctor Doesn’t Remember My Face,” in a rap style.

$50.00 — Paul Hossfield will serenade you with his baritone while wearing his favorite dress.