It’s About Being Human

Uncovering my Own Wisdom In The Covid Crisis

You know when you know the right things to do, but then you don’t do them?

A colleague suggested I write a piece about lessons learned while coping with the pandemic. I think most of us have read plenty of “how to cope with the quarantine” articles. A lot of the advice is common sense — stick to a routine, get plenty of sleep, eat healthy foods, get exercise, and socialize in a safe manner.

She wasn’t suggesting I write that kind of article though. She wanted me to dig deeper and discuss what I have learned about myself, or my family, or something unique that might help others who are struggling.

That was a great idea — but I didn’t have any magical wisdom that came immediately to mind. I looked back over how I have coped over the past 4+ months. I’ll admit that it has been filled with ups and downs. I have thrived and done some really good things, and I have poked around at the edges of despair.

Maslow’s Hierarchy

Over the years, when my wife and I are going through difficult times, maybe not being as kind or productive as we’d like, we often end up tracing it to where we are in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (for a refresher, here’s an article in Simply Psychology.) When the basics, like food, water, shelter and security are threatened, it’s difficult to operate on a higher level, such as tending to relationships and working on creative pursuits.

The global pandemic has put us all at the bottom of the hierarchy of needs because it has taken away our feeling of security. We can stock our freezers, store bottles of water, pay our rent or mortgages and turn on our alarm systems, but that still doesn’t provide the security we crave. How do we remain safe with this insidious beast potentially lurking around every corner, living inside our neighbors, waiting to be expelled on the next breath of a grocery clerk or delivery driver?

For starters, not dwelling on that kind of imagery would be useful.

I think if I’d clearly defined and considered what “remaining safe” meant for me sooner, I would have been better off. Safety is both physical and mental and the two are intertwined. I think something I personally overlooked for too long was the mental aspect. I have been focussed on my physical health and safety, but wasn’t as cautious about my mental well-being.

Self-Assessment

Assessing how well I’ve done with the common sense advice we all know to be wise — sticking to a routine, getting plenty of sleep, eating healthy foods, getting plenty of exercise, and socializing in a safe manner — I’ve earned a “C” at best.

I’ve worked from home for years, so my routine remained unchanged. Good there. As for sleep, I am menopausal, and haven’t gotten good sleep in over 3 years, so, not good, but not a change. This is where things start to take a nosedive.

Over the past year, my wife and I have tried, marginally successfully, to reduce our sugar intake. We love desserts but know they are bad for us. Once the pandemic started, one of my coping mechanisms became baking. Chocolate chip cookies have been my go-to. We’ve also become connoisseurs of banana bread and zucchini bread (can’t have those fresh fruits and veggies going to waste), both with chocolate chips.

The walking routine we’d started continued for a short time, but then trips to the park became cause for extreme frustration and anger over watching parents let their children play on the playground equipment even after the schools had been closed. Then allergy season set in….My exercise was reduced to a few short walks with the dogs every day.

Socializing? At first we were doing Zoom calls with my family. Those were fun and actually put us back in touch with my niece and nephew that I rarely see. Over time, as people went back to jobs and started feeling more free to go out again, those stopped. My wife and I didn’t feel safe going out, even once we were technically allowed to do so, so we really have been isolated.

I have mostly failed at the common sense activities I know are important for my physical and mental health.

I know I’m in good company. It’s easy to find accounts about the “Corona-15,” a take on the “Freshman 15” reference to weight gain during freshman year of college. Both the US and UK have reported a surge in alcohol consumption during lockdown, and my doctor told me she’s seen many of her alcoholic patients resume drinking. We know the difference between behaviors that are healthy and not healthy for us, but we choose those that are easier and provide instant gratification.

Where does that leave me as far as lessons to impart, or even to incorporate into my own daily life?

Some Wins

I can admit I’ve not taken very good care of myself. I have let the fear and uncertainty allow me to do things not in my best interest when it comes to exercise, eating right, and socializing. However — there are some areas in which I’ve done well and feel wisdom reigned.

I belong to several groups and email lists that focus on self-improvement and productivity. While some have advocated self-care, others have pushed us to be productive so we don’t look back on these months, this year, as lost time.

I have managed to balance these things and feel good about myself in the process. I’ve had weeks where I completed some big projects, more than I had even planned and it felt amazing! I’ve also had weeks that my daily planner was mostly ignored, I took naps, and watched TV. Those times felt pretty good, too.

This is a time not for self-pity, but for self-compassion. It’s easy to feel bad for the events and lifestyle I have lost. It’s acceptable to spend time grieving and acknowledging the loss. Life has changed and there’s no point in pretending it hasn’t. Some days the changes hit harder than others, or the news is just too unbelievable to continue as if everything is normal. On those days, I take some time for self-care.

I have read more fiction books in the last few months than I can remember. I’ve enjoyed long baths. I’ve binged on a number of television series that I’d never even heard of. I’ve let my 15-year-old daughter remind me that we both need to get out in nature, so we’ve gone for hikes along a nearby river.

These things help my brain and my emotions rest. It works better to allow this time than to fight against it. After an afternoon, or a day, or even a couple of days of self-compassion (and very little news or social media), I can return to my work and my daily life refreshed and able to be productive.

My original premise was that I had mostly chosen to do the wrong things during this quarantine. Maybe that isn’t correct. Maybe the truth is I have made both good and bad choices. I thought I hadn’t taken care of my mental well-being because I was allowing fear and uncertainty to overrun healthy common sense behaviors. When looked at more closely though, I have allowed myself to feel what I need to feel, take some time, and then continue on with life. Maybe that’s what balance looks like sometimes. Maybe that’s what being human looks like.

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