It’s a Wonderful Sex Life
Why Eyes Wide Shut is a Christmas movie
What the hell is a Christmas movie anyway?
The finest young minds inside America’s ivied institutions have debated this question for decades — mostly at holiday parties after some drunken freshman calls Die Hard her favourite Christmas movie. Can a film simply take place on Christmas Day, or does it have to embody the spirit of the season — all that good cheer, peace on earth, and love your fellow man nonsense — to receive festive credentials?
This year I watched four holiday classics: A Christmas Carol (1951), Home Alone (1990), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989), and The Family Stone (2005).
Although different in their tones and target audiences, these movies share four crucial ingredients.
1) The primary action takes place at Christmas
I know: duh.
I have to include the obvious, otherwise movies like Bridget Jones’s Diary or Harry Potter — which have Christmas scenes wedged in their middles — would bloat the genre.
2) The characters are enhanced by a struggle, and they in turn better the world around them
In A Christmas Carol, Ebeneezer Scrooge is haunted by ghosts who show him that the pursuit of money is spiritually bankrupt. He then wakes up on Christmas morning and uses his considerable wealth to foster generosity in others.
Eight-year-old Kevin McCallister discovers a newfound appreciation for his family after he is left alone to defend his house from dimwitted criminals. Once Kevin embraces his family, they in turn embrace him, and by the end of Home Alone, the McCallisters are closer than ever.
After every Christmas convention collapses and a SWAT team destroys his home in Christmas Vacation, Clark Griswald learns that the key to happiness is managing his expectations. It’s only after Clark admits his own flaws and inspires other characters to admit theirs that he experiences the idolized Christmas he has been chasing.
In The Family Stone, the Stones initially find themselves focusing on the differences between each other, and between the family and the brother’s new girlfriend Meredith. After a series of calamities, each character realizes they can choose to focus on their differences, or they can focus on what they have in common. By the end of the movie they see the evolution of their family as not only inevitable, but desirable.
3) Gratitude
In every quintessential Christmas movie, gratitude is both the solution and the reward. Problems are not solved by money or presents, and the antagonists are characters trapped in this commercialized frame of mind.
Meanwhile the protagonists look within themselves to overcome obstacles, and they are rewarded with enlightenment. Even if outside forces like ghosts or angels intervene, their principal goal is to cultivate a character’s internal growth.
4) A Happy Ending
I want to say that happy endings don’t matter, but I can’t think of a Christmas movie that doesn’t wrap up warm and fuzzy. Even in the face of tragedy — as in the death of the matriarch in The Family Stone — there is the underlying comfort of knowing that the human spirit lives on.
When it comes to Christmas, love has to win.
What does all this mean for Eyes Wide Shut?
Bloggers often include this movie on their list of unconventional Christmas flicks, but the elaborate decorations at the opening Christmas party are the only evidence these eager Eberts provide to prop up Kubrick’s Christmas credentials.
Eyes Wide Shut is more than Christmas lights at the Sonata Café.
A few weeks ago, I watched the movie on mute. It was on in the background of a Christmas party, which left me with no choice but to ignore my fellow guests and watch this 165 minute masterpiece with a plate of ginger cookies in my lap. Somewhere in the center of my fifth cookie, I had an epiphany.
Eyes Wide Shut is a modern day It’s a Wonderful Life.
I haven’t lost my mind. Read on.
It’s a Wonderful Life begins with the highlights of George Bailey’s life. By the time we reach the present, we know that something is wrong with George. He isn’t sick. Worse: he’s discouraged.
Convinced that everyone would be better off without him, George goes for a walk and contemplates throwing his life away. He stands on a bridge above an icy river, but his conscience won’t let him make the leap, until an angel named Clarence intervenes.
Clarence opens up an alternate universe, giving George a glimpse into his fantasy world. George soon discovers that this fantasy is more purgatory than paradise, and in turn comes to realize that his life is worthwhile. All he has to do is appreciate it.
Now let’s look at Eyes Wide Shut. The movie doesn’t play out Bill Harford’s past, but as we follow Bill through his home, work, and social life, we know something is wrong. He isn’t sick. Worse: he’s frustrated.
Convinced that another partner will be able to satisfy his sexual discontent, Bill goes for a walk and contemplates throwing his marriage away. He enters a prostitute’s apartment, but his conscience won’t let him make the leap, until a piano player intervenes.
The piano player opens up an alternate universe, giving Bill a glimpse into his fantasy world. Bill soon discovers that this fantasy is more terrifying than tantalizing and in turns comes to realize that his marriage is worthwhile. All he has to do is appreciate it.
At the end of It’s a Wonderful Life, George Bailey’s financial woes are solved when he accepts the love of his friends and family, and they work together to save the Bailey family.
At the end of Eyes Wide Shut, Bill Harford’s sexual woes are solved when he accepts the love of his wife, and the two of them work together to save the Harford family. The movie ends with the most hopeful use of the F word in cinema history.
Alice Harford: There is something very important that we need to do as soon as possible . . . Dr. Bill Harford: What’s that? Alice Harford: Fuck.
To me, these movies are mirrors. Stanley Kubrick might have called his final movie It’s a Wonderful Sex Life.
Eyes Wide Shut is a Christmas movie. It takes place at Christmas, it involves a struggle that changes Bill Harford and then his wife for the better, the change is precipitated by gratitude, and the movie has a happy ending. Merry Christmas you filthy animals.
To those that say an orgy has no place in the jingle genre, I say:
Get over it prudes.
If you ask me, an orgy is a far more believable catalyst for growth than being visited by three ghosts.
For some fantastic Die Hard analysis, check out this piece by Cole Haddon.