It’s a Trap! How NARCISSISTS Lure You Into Their Twisted Web of Deceit

Avoid becoming their prey by learning to recognize this selfish manipulation tactic. And reserve your precious time in the interim.

Individuals who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder will stop at nothing to get what they want from you. No matter how kind a toxic person in question may act, if you are aware of their narcissism, also keep in mind that their agenda is a selfishly disingenuous one. Empaths and survivors at our core, are kind and loving people. So we tend to want to give others the benefit of the doubt. We want to believe that there is good deep down in every person, including the narcissist.

But a narcissistic person’s manipulative ways can go virtually undetectable. Often times, survivors of narcissistic abuse cannot recognize the subtle avenues used that lead to deceit until they look with hindsight. Can you think back to a time when you realized how a toxic person got one over on you? You could not believe you fell for their mind games. Yeah, we have all been there. It’s okay, friend. These kinds of things happen to the best of us. If you learn anything from today’s article, let it be this:

YOU ARE NOT STUPID. THAT’S JUST WHAT THE NARCISSIST WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE. THEY ARE LIARS.

Have you ever noticed with narcissists, whether grandiose in nature, or more covert, communal, malignant, etc. — everything is always about them? Let me ask you another question. Has someone ever made you feel like a trusted confidante? This person always comes to you with their problems and you are right there to lend a friendly, caring ear; a shoulder to cry on. In turn their trust in you boosts your confidence level. You feel valued in the friendship or relationship and are thankful you can help your loved one in a time of need.

Friend, if a narcissist is always coming to you with their problems, then this is not the time to feel all smitten with flattery. Why?

Because they are using you.

This realization hurts. You think you are being a supportive entity in the narcissist’s life, but the reality is far different. To them you are nothing but a sounding board for their issues. They have diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to unloading all of their problems onto you.

But have you noticed how a narcissist will never take your advice? Or even still, they never bother to return the favor. They don’t care how you are feeling. They are too self-absorbed to take your life into consideration. It is always about their life, their problems, their frustrations. Every time you meet for a cup of coffee; every phone call, always circles back to what is wrong in their world. You find yourself listening, attempting to give advice. They will “yes” you to death, then continue on with their laundry list of complaints.

Friend, this is known as trauma dumping. And it is really unfair, not to mention unhealthy. Talk about oversharing that takes shape without fair warning. There’s a “Sex and The City” episode that comes to mind when I think of trauma dumping — the one when “Miranda” calls “Carrie” out for buying breakfast as an excuse to discuss her failed love life.

Now, of course we all need to talk our problems out either with one another or a trusted professional. But when a narcissist habitually word-vomits their entire life onto you, they do not see you as a friend. They view you as a means to an end. You are an object to them and they honestly do not care about your opinion. They are not seeking your advice. Rather they are playing on your sympathies to seek validation and attention. They’re thinking, “Oh poor me. Don’t you feel bad for me?”

It took me a long time to recognize this narcissistic manipulation tactic when it was being used on me. Only after the friendship ended did I realize that I was always there to lend an ear for their marital problems or their work-related issues every time we met up. Yet there I was with a slew of issues of my own left uncared for because the pwNPD was too wrapped up in their own life. Any relationship is a two-way street.

Trauma dumping is such an imabalance for any type of bond. Beware of the narcissist who always deposits yet never withdraws. They always unload their issues but they never ask how they can be of any help to you. Respect cannot live there.

So if you find yourself caught in the middle of a trauma dump, here is how to cancel your collection pick up!

1. Remember who you are dealing with: the narcissist. Remind yourself that they don’t care about you; they only care about what they can get from you. In this situation, it’s your time they are after. So don’ t have a bleeding heart for them. Remain firm in your actions!
2. Once the inevitable oral diarrhea ensues, plug it up with some verbal Immodium! Friend, you have to interject early in the game before you wind up sitting there for way longer than anticipated, rolling your eyes, and figuring out an escape plan. Tell them you only have so much time and then make your exit when you feel you have done your friendly duties in a timely manner that is convenient for you. You don’t have to sacrifice your time or patience for the sake of being nice to someone who is so clearly ignorant of your value!
3. Change the subject: repeatedly if needed. They start in with their marital problems and before you know it, you are ordering another round of margaritas to get through the night. If you foresee that happening, speak up! Remember, you are not a sounding board. You are a human being who deserves mutual respect. Whatever issue the narcissist starts dumping on you, push back with an apologetic solution before moving onto a fresh topic of discussion! “…I’m really sorry about that, I hope you can find a solution. On a different note, did you hear Amazon Prime is holding an early sale?!”
4. You can always grey rock them! One thing about narcissists is they always want your attention. If they can’t get it, they will grow bored of you then just move onto someone else they can suck the life force from. If you are tired of their trauma dumping, this is a good way to prevent it. Act disinterested. Repeat the same lingo, “I’m sorry.” “Oh, ok.” “Mhmm”“Gee, I really don’t know.” I would use grey rocking as a last resort since it has the tendency to drag the trauma dumping out.
5. Don’t show up! Hey, if all else fails and you know you are headed for another long night of oversharing from a narcissist, then do yourself a favor and focus on your own well-being. Don’t accept the invitation. Cancel last minute. You don’t have to lie. You are merely refusing to engage in unhealthy activity. You can decline with this simple yet firm, “I can’t tonight.” Don’t apologize, don’t wane, don’t provide any explanation, otherwise the narcissist will attempt to talk you into doing something you don’t want to do! Mean what you say!

If you are feeling confused about trauma dumping versus a friend seeking advice, think of it this way. A healthy person approaches you with a problem they are having because they trust you and value your input. A genuine person will take your advice, or at least take your advice into consideration.

You can recognize trauma dumping when a narcissist just talks incessantly about their issues, never contemplating your thoughts on the subject, and never taking your advice. They use you as their therapist just to unload.

But you’re not a dumping ground. You are a strong, loving, empathic person with a whole lot of loving advice and kindness to give. Be there for someone who deserves you. Be there for someone else who will be there for you.

It’s hard to admit there was a time when I wasn’t educated enough to see through the narcissists’ evil ways. But it’s even harder to withhold these experiences because I know there are other empathetic persons out there who feel just as lost broken, and betrayed as I did. Let’s create a safe space to discuss our pain points and our healing. Please clap and comment if this article helped you in any way, or if you’d like to read similar articles of mine. Because trust me, I have A LOT to share when it comes to surviving NPD abuse!

For now, take care, friend and God bless.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I AM A SURVIVOR OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE WHO HOPES TO HELP OTHER VICTIMS/SURVIVORS ON THEIR JOURNEY TO HEALING. I’M HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK.