It Is Possible To Move Beyond Grief

My ability to enjoy a cup of delicious coffee is my proof

Introduction

The 2019 holiday season was very typical for me. I embraced the excitement and the true meaning as I always did.

While I silently protested as my father asked me to complete his Christmas shopping for my mother during the final hours before store closed as he did most of my adult life, I braved the cold evening elements as well as the crowds and purchased his gifts. My daughter and I selected memorable gifts for my mother on his behalf. I remember how carefully I wrapped a large box containing several packages of gourmet coffee that I ordered for my father for yet another Christmas. The delicious aroma of the flavored coffee packages penetrated the large box as I wrapped it. The smell of the fresh coffee added enjoyment to my gift wrapping.

Little did I know that the evening that I reluctantly shopped for my father would be the last time that I would shop for him. Little did I know that the box fill with large packages of very expensive assorted coffee flavors would be the last gift that I would wrap and give to my father. Little did I know that I would be joining my mother and siblings in saying good bye to my father in a matter of weeks after these holiday moments that I remember so vividly.

My Darkest Hours of Life

Around the time that news about the covid-19 began to become concerning in February, 2020, my father suddenly became ill. While he was hospitalized, his condition quickly declined. I made the decision to spend the night at the hospital with him on the third night of his stay. It was at that time that I encouraged him to be placed on a ventilator to help his rapidly deteriorating breathing and oxygen levels. I held the clipboard for him as his weak hand signed the release for his medical procedure to be done. We prayed together and I said

“I love you daddy”.

The final words that he spoke to me were

“I love you, too Deb”.

That’s what he always called me. No one else said my name like him.

I smiled and waved as I headed out the door to the waiting area where I would spend many anxious hours. I tried to reassure my father that he would be just fine as I remained upbeat when I left him.

As I slept in the waiting room of the intensive care unit that night, my father’s doctor woke me up during the early morning hours to tell me that he took a turn for the worse. I was informed that I would probably need to gather my family to say goodbye to him soon. That time quickly came. Within 48 hours, my mother, sisters, and brothers in-law gathered around my father’s hospital bed and he breathed his last breathes.

One of the most touching moments came as my young teenage daughter suddenly called. She was spending a day of fun with a friend and her family. When she called, she told me she did not know why she did. I was able to tell my daughter that her pap-pap was getting ready to see Jesus and stay with him forever. I held the phone to his ear so that she could have one final one-way conversation with him. I know my father appreciated hearing her voice one last time.

My daughter had a special relationship with my father. He was the father she never had. They were best friends.

My family and I played the song “Through the Years” by Kenny Rogers, my parents theme song, as he transitioned to his eternal destination.

My family and I held my father’s hands, talked to him, whispered prayers to the Lord over him, thanked him for being such a wonderful husband, father, and grandfather, and said goodbye. When he took his final breath, he opened his eyes and looked up toward heaven. I know with all certainty that his guardian angel escorted him to heaven at that very moment.

Days after my father’s transition to heaven, I took a few things that belonged to my father and brought them to my home. Among the items were the packages of gourmet coffee that I gave to him for Christmas that he never had a chance to enjoy. I placed the coffee pouches on a high shelf that was out of view in my kitchen cabinet.

Prior to my father’s passing, I thought that I understood grief. However, after living with the loss of my father, I now fully understand. I now realize that grieving is a process filled with progress and setbacks as well as good days and bad ones. I have had to live my life over the past ten months holding on to the deeper meaning of the words found in the biblical chapter of Psalm 23. The English Standard Version of that scripture which is also known as “A Psalm of David” reads:

“1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

3 He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

While this journey of grief has been a difficult one to travel, I am making progress by remembering the beautiful life that my father lived without being consumed by tears. I realized just how much progress I have made earlier today.

My Turning Point

While I fully accepted my father’s death, there have been some things that have been very hard to confront about his passing. It has been difficult to look at pictures of him and I have not been able to bring myself to visit his grave yet. There was a time that I could not even look on top of the shelf containing the coffee that I had given to my father without my eyes filling with tears.

As I started my day in the kitchen earlier today, I found myself reaching for one of the packages of coffee that sat high in the cabinet that I gave to my father last Christmas. Without hesitation, I firmly held the package that I last held after placing it there when my father passed away. Once I pressed the package to my face and sniffed the delicious aroma, I opened the package and brewed a cup. It was very enjoyable. My mind was filled with thoughts of my father as I delicately sipped every drop.

I honored my father’s life as I drank a cup of coffee today.

Conclusion

The quote by an unknown author that reads

“healing may not come quickly, but it will come”

is very appropriate and applicable to my story. A sense of happiness and contentment can be restored even after grief consumes you.

Thank you for reading this story about my father. If you enjoyed it, be sure to read the story of his life that I published after his death.

Here’s my golden ticket that helps me accomplish my mission.

Dr. Deborah M. Vereen is a retired Teacher and School Administrator. Her website is www.Drdeborahmvereen.com and her YouTube Channel is https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCS1DPhBeA29UlybU9jzDkdQ