It Is Okay If We Are Not Alike, Dear Momma

It does not undermine our relationship. I love you regardless.

Dear Momma,

It’s a wonderful thing that you had a prototype in your mind of how your daughter should be like. Very sweet. I am sure that this thoughtfulness spurred you to ensure I get an excellent education. I am eternally grateful.

You taught me to see every person, regardless of their skin color, or tribe as human first. You made sure that I learned well.

As I age, I see myself looking more like you and it feels so good to have such a connection.

But, our opinions have become unalike.

My questions are more than you can answer. You fear the westernization bug has bitten me. It has not.

That I question almost everything we see and do, does not have to be a bad thing. It shows some level of growth in my individuality. You should know that this does not undermine our relationship. Our difference in opinions.

I have become vocal about calling people out on their BS. It is against what you taught me. Sorry, I am not sorry. It does not make me less of a Christian. Even Jesus called the Pharisees out on their BS several times in the bible.

Some of my dresses are sleeveless and above-the-knee. It does not make me irresponsible. I prefer to comb out my ‘fro than to cornrow it. It does not make me look less professional.

When I talk about “Women’s rights and equality” especially in the workplace, Yes! It means that I am a rebel, but for a good cause.

Remember how much it hurt to see me come late from work daily while earning peanuts? And all the stories I tell you about my male co-workers who do so little and get paid better?

That is why I never keep quiet about this equality thing, as you call it. That is why I want to be involved in this conversation as much as possible. It affects me and will affect my daughter worse.

“You cannot raise your children how your parents raised you, because they raised you for a world that no longer exists.” — Mufti Menk

Please understand that I am not doing any of these to spite you.

It also does not belittle the impeccable home training you gave me. Not at all! I want you to understand that a lot has changed over the two decades of you being your mother’s daughter and my mother.

I would love to get married to the love of my life. Someday. Not immediately. That is not a poor decision. It does not mean I want to galavant. It only means that I want to take my time; get to know myself better before I am joined with another human being Forever.

Oh! I think about it. You’ll be surprised how much. However, I know I’ll be doing myself and my would-be LOML the greatest disservice if I rush into something as important as a lifetime commitment.

Lest I forget, men and women can be good friends these days. It does not mean they are doing anything untoward. Don’t sweat it. Those boys with whom I chat and laugh over the phone are just friends like I told you.

You will be the first to know when I choose someone to bring into my dramatic heart.

Do not feel sad that I am not going exactly according to your plan. Feel empowered your iroko has transplanted another iroko. It is a good thing.

You should be a proud mum. I want you to be.

Yours’ crazy-about-you daughter,

Oly.

Blessing Oluchukwu Awamba writes about issues affecting females in their twenties, through her personal experiences.