It Doesn’t Matter What Others Are Doing, What Really Matters Is — What I Am Doing

Not sure about you, but this is the advice I needed.

This is something I have been telling myself daily ever since my country (Singapore) rolled back to a quasi-lockdown mode last week due to a new wave of virus infection (Delta variant is coming back with a vengeance). It’ll be another 5 weeks before I can dine out, exercise in groups, and work remotely in a cafe.

The people around me are glued to their phones most of the time. People I know are posting more often on social media about what they are having for breakfast, lunch, and dinner at home.

The virus forces everyone to stay indoors and ye shall live your best life digitally.

Welcome to season two of 2020!

Yet I’ve decided to take a hiatus from Instagram. Why? Because I find myself having thoughts like ‘so-and-so started a business, should I do so during this uncertain times?’, ‘so-and-so bought a new car, should I be doing something too?’

“Screw all these thoughts!” I told myself. “These are their stories, not mine.”

“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.” — Rumi

What about my stories?

I used to travel all over the world before the pandemic. On the journey, I climbed mountains, sat by some of Europe’s most beautiful lakes, swam in the Mediterranean Sea, sampled some of Asia’s best dishes, and met some of the nicest people.

They are mostly intangible experiences but I have some photographs and travel souvenirs. Travel changes me — both mentally and physically. It made me more self-assured, independent, and intuitive. I also picked up a new language — German.

I miss the people I’ve met in Germany and they are, interestingly, almost never active on social media.

So, why is this thing called ‘Instagram’ making me questioned my worth — or why am I even doubting myself? Why is Instagram making me think about all the things I do not have instead of appreciating everything I have?

Scheiße! I think I’ve caught the social comparison bug.

A few minutes into scrolling on Instagram, unwittingly, made me unsatisfied.

The prescription is: It’s time for a detox and to spend more time on the yoga mat.

Comparison is the thief of joy

We all have an innate desire to connect and bond with others, which is perfectly normal. But when social media has evolved into the primary means of communication, inclusion, and validation, it appears that we have begun appreciating moments in our lives solely on the basis of their social media acceptability.

I’ve ceded my power to the mobile app, which puts me in a petty competition with other users over whose pictures get the most likes, who live a better life, and so on.

I can ’t deny that Instagram is a brilliant photo-sharing app, but its purpose might have been abused or misused with a growing amount of advertisers and influencers.

To be honest, I’m done with the #throwbacks of last trip abroad and that particular competitive friend who always finds ways to one-up whatever you’re doing.

“How do you wake up from the Matrix when you don’t know you’re in the Matrix?” asks Tristan Harris, a co-founder of the Center for Humane Technology and former Google “design ethicist”, one of the experts featured in The Social Dilemma.

I know I need to snap out of it.

What you see is not everything.

“You do know that Instagram is not everything right? They are just showing you the highlights or best moments,” attests my rational self.

I am fully aware that not everything is as it seems — like how the world thought the pandemic would be over when the vaccines were available, yet it turned out that the virus had mutated.

Just because someone looks happy in a picture, it doesn't mean he or she doesn’t have problems. And just because that person is not on Instagram, doesn’t mean that he/she doesn’t have a life.

“Control your perceptions. Direct your actions properly. Willingly accept what’s outside your control.” ― Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living

My assumed perception from using Instagram is detrimental to my well-being and a distraction to my personal goals. I need to learn to control my perceptions, direct my actions properly and accept what’s beyond my control.

Realize that most of the drama begins and ends in your own mind.

I can’t control what others will share on Instagram, but I can control myself. I can decide not to use it, log out completely and put that energy and time into my paintings, side gigs or simply go for a walk.

Instagram can be a form of motivation, but it can leave many feeling disillusioned — as if success can be achieved in minutes or overnight.

Then again, you can be growing and glowing up in private without declaring out loud to the world.

After a week without Instagram, I realized how an hour spared from using it, adds up to extra 7 hours a week which can be wisely dedicated to other pursuits, for instance, learning how to write a fiction novel.

Life hasn’t been the same since the pandemic, and I’m still convinced that we are more than what the algorithms made us believe.