Summary

The article discusses the complexities of intelligence dynamics in relationships, using the author's personal experience with an old friend, Ross, who divorced his highly intelligent high school sweetheart, Alice, to be with a less challenging partner.

Abstract

The narrative centers around a conversation between the author and Ross, an accomplished lawyer who reveals his divorce from Alice, a woman of exceptional intelligence and his high school sweetheart. Despite Ross and Alice's long history and shared achievements, Ross claims that Alice's intelligence was a source of friction in their marriage. He contrasts this with his current relationship, which he describes as more emotionally manageable and fulfilling. The article references studies suggesting that men's likelihood of marriage increases with higher IQ, while the opposite is true for women. However, it also cites research indicating that people tend to overestimate their partner's intelligence, and that intellectual compatibility does not necessarily correlate with relationship satisfaction.

Opinions

Ross believes that being with an extremely intelligent woman like Alice can be challenging and emotionally taxing.
The author seems surprised by Ross's revelation that he has never been happier since being with someone less intellectually matched than Alice.
Ross suggests that his current relationship is less demanding and more conducive to a prolonged and happy life.
The studies mentioned imply a gender-based discrepancy in the impact of intelligence on marriage prospects, favoring men with higher IQs and women with lower IQs.
Despite these findings, the article posits that couples are often content regardless of their intellectual match, as they tend to idealize each other's intelligence.
The article leans into the idea that intellectual compatibility may not be a prerequisite for relationship satisfaction, aligning with Will Rogers' quote about universal ignorance in different subjects.

Is Your Partner More Intelligent Than You?

Is your Phi Beta Kappa a Phi Beta Keeper?

Recently, I received a phone call from an old friend by the name of Ross. Our friendship survived elementary school, summer camps, high school and although we didn’t go to the same university, we saw each other during breaks when we were able.

Ross moved out of the area after he graduated from law school and took a job with a high-powered firm in San Francisco, a continent away from Philly.

Although my friend was a catch; may have been the best looking, football playing, Ivy League educated, highly paid young lawyer in the country circa — 1970: he did the old-fashioned thing, he married his high school girlfriend.

Alice was a friend of mine in high school. She and Ross started going out in their sophomore year. I’ve not known either of them to date anyone else other than by agreement when they went to separate colleges on opposite coasts. Alice was very much a match for Ross. Brilliant, attractive and athletic in her own right. She had one thing Ross lacked on his undergraduate diploma: the designation summa cum laude.

Lives diverge: families, work, new friendships and the moment take priority over old friendships.

Old friends drift apart despite promises not to.

The problem for most in old friendships is difficulty in projecting change. Time often stops when communication ceases. There is a mental photo of your old friend; possibly not reflecting the present.

That’s why, when getting a phone call that night last month, after not having talked for 20 some years, I was so shocked when Ross told me he and Alice had been divorced for the last 10 years. Their kids graduated from college and had families of their own.

My mental photo had them the perfect match since high school, forever together.

I was further taken aback when Ross told me he had been relating to a wonderful woman who wasn’t Alice for about over 7 years now. He maintained he’d never been happier.

“Never happier?” were the words that escaped my mouth.

Ross fielded my question like the accomplished lawyer he was, measuring his reply carefully; aware of my admiration for Alice.

“Brian, an intelligent woman, is a burr in the side. Too much of a challenge,” he said.

He claimed that his new relationship was “Easier on the emotions.”

“Life prolonging, rather than longing for a life!” he added.

Ross claimed Alice was too smart for his own good.

Can that be true?

A study by the British Universities of Bristol, Aberdeen, Edinburgh and Glasgow determined men had the likelihood of marriage increase 35% for each 16 point increase in IQ whereas there is a 40% drop for women for each 16 point increase.*

However:

A study at the University of Western Australia and a similar study at the University of Warsaw both concluded that couples evaluated their romantic partners as being much smarter than they actually were.

Men assessed their girlfriends and wives has having IQ’s 36% higher than they actually had and women projected their boyfriend and husbands 38% higher.

The research brought out that similarity of intelligence didn’t seem to influence the relationship’s satisfaction — overall couples with lower ‘intellectual compatibility’ appeared to be just as happy as couples who were closely matched.**

Maybe Will Rogers was right when he said, “Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects.”

Sources:

*Sunday Times-London>https//www.psypost.org

**As reported by David Robson — BPS Research Digest> digest.bps.org.uk