Is Your Marriage in a Rut? Be the First to Show More Affection

How the simple act of holding hands can ignite a spark back into your relationship.

Taking affection and intimacy out of a marriage is like signing a death certificate on your relationship.

I know there are many reasons why this happens, but if the reasons are simply that you do not get along anymore, consider getting professional help to repair your marriage if it’s come to that.

Remember, you loved each other when you got married, so it’s worth putting the work and time in.

Marriage is work.

One way to show more affection is simply by holding hands as often as possible, at home, and everywhere you go.

According to an article in Women’s Health Magazine titled, “7 Hand-Holding Styles and What ~Yours~ Says About Your Relationship,” holding hands is a vital part of any relationship:

There’s way more to holding hands than you think — and it’s usually not that innocent, either.

While the PDA is, to be fair, more PG than R-rated — no one’s ever going to yell at you to get a room — holding hands is still an intimate act. “It feels good to hold hands with someone we know because it’s all about wanting to be close to them,” says Toni Coleman, LCSW, a psychotherapist and relationship coach in the Washington D.C area. “We only hold hands with people we have a certain level of comfort with or attraction to.”

If you’re not in the hand-holding habit, you should try to do it more, as a surefire way to boost intimacy.

Holding hands is a great way to rekindle any relationship lacking the luster and excitement it once had.

Once that love is revitalized, you must consciously and continuously put in the effort and find ways to show more affection as this helps to keep the love fire burning brightly.

Life’s too short to be stuck in an unfulfilling marriage.

The Energy of Affection Is Real and Allows for a Deeper Connection

Showing affection by holding hands, hugs, and kisses has never been a problem for my wife and me. If you asked her, she would say that I am a very “touchy-feely” type of person who needs lots of physical attention to feel loved.

Since we naturally tend to show love to our partner using one of our own love languages, as depicted in the book by Gary Chapman, “The 5 Love Languages,” that is one way I try to show love to her. Luckily, affection shown to her is also how she feels loved.

Thankfully after 32 years of marriage, we can still be seen:

• Holding hands as we walk together.
• Rubbing each other’s arms as we snuggle up to each other on the couch to watch a movie.
• Sneaking a hug and a kiss in the kitchen as we prepare a meal.

A touch provided by affection, like holding hands, transfers real energy, and it should be given freely as often as possible.

One of my favorite ways my wife shows me affection to this day is something she has done since the beginning of our marriage. It is an amazingly simple thing, but it always makes my heart flutter each time she does it.

Anytime we do our grocery shopping together, I usually push the cart around as I follow her through the store as she adds items. As we make our way through the store, she comes up alongside me (usually on my left side), wraps her hand around the underside of my upper arm, and rubs it gently.

She says she loves my soft skin there, but I think it is her way of showing me that she appreciates me being there with her doing the shopping (she knows I am not crazy about shopping).

Again, it’s a simple act of affection but really makes me so thankful for a wife who recognizes my needs for regular touching and obliges.

Put in the Effort, Your Spouse Is Worth It

Many factors can cause you to hold back your feelings and be affectionate to your partner. The key is to put in the effort to figure this out.

It is easy to blame it on your partner, but the true source may be rooted deep inside you, causing you to withhold opening up.

Don’t let whatever negative feelings you have toward your spouse fester too long — don’t wait for them to correct something they may not even know exists.

If you let negative seeds sit there too long, they can take root and start to grow out of control, making it harder to address and pluck out of your relationship.

Do some real soul searching. Take responsibility and be the first to initiate. A simple gesture of reaching out to your partner’s hand can be the beginning of some pretty open conversations.

A real connection is made when you transfer your energy to them through touch.

Has your partner ever told you they feel you are getting more and more distant? Almost like you are withdrawing from the relationship?

When you do not make that physical connection achieved by touch, the love energy between you can literally fade.

Don’t fall victim to another statistic that can be avoided by regularly nurturing the physical and emotional connection maintained through affection.

It’s a beautiful thing!

The Time to Rekindle Your Relationship Is Now

Don’t procrastinate the day you address the lack of affection and connection in your relationship.

We’ve all heard the advice to “Live each day like it is your last.” Expand that saying to include “Live each day like it is your last with your special someone,” and it provides new meaning and a sense of urgency.

Please don’t make the mistake of waiting until it’s too late. Life is a gift. Life with a special someone is a precious gift.

Be the one to make the first move to reach out for your spouse’s hand. Grab it like you're hanging on to them for dear life and never let go.

You have a choice to make — no partner will shirk a sincere effort of touch from the one they love.