Summary

The article discusses the challenges of finding a suitable partner in a busy city like Hong Kong and emphasizes the importance of self-reflection, femininity, and genuine connection over busyness and financial independence.

Abstract

The article "Is Work Filling Your Relationship Hole?" delves into the struggles of single individuals, particularly women, in finding love in the bustling city of Hong Kong. It suggests that the busyness of city life often serves as a distraction from the emotional void left by a lack of meaningful relationships. The author argues that while financial independence is important, it should not overshadow the value of femininity and the ability to form a friendship as the foundation of a romantic relationship. The article encourages women to live in the present, embrace their femininity, and consider what they truly bring to a relationship beyond financial means. It also advises against using work as a way to avoid confronting feelings of loneliness and suggests that being open to connection and leading with femininity can significantly improve one's chances in the dating scene. The author concludes by reminding readers that busyness is a defense mechanism that disconnects them from their emotional needs and that true fulfillment comes from deep, meaningful relationships, not from a checklist of criteria.

Opinions

The author believes that statistics about relationships should not dictate personal outcomes and that self-belief and vision are crucial.
It is suggested that the busyness of life in a city like Hong Kong can be a way to avoid dealing with emotions and the absence of a significant relationship.
The article posits that financial independence, while valuable, does not significantly enhance a woman's appeal to men, who place more importance on qualities like femininity and the ability to form a genuine connection.
The author emphasizes that femininity, including domestic skills, emotional intelligence, and receptiveness to chivalry, is key in relationships.
The article criticizes the use of a checklist or strict criteria when dating, as it prevents people from seeing the true essence of potential partners.
It is stated that a busy mind hinders the manifestation of deep desires, particularly in the realm of love, due to its conflict with the spiritual law of pure potentiality.
The author asserts that no amount of professional success can substitute for the emotional fulfillment provided by a meaningful relationship.
The article encourages readers to take stock of their lives, confront their feelings, and be open to change to make room for better relationships.
It is implied that the editor of "

Is Work Filling Your Relationship Hole?

What’s keeping you busy? Can you really afford to be that busy?

Last week I asked an acquaintance, a single woman, a business-owner — “How was your consultation with XYZ matchmaking company? How’s the year of the tiger treating you?”

She replied, “Alas, XYZ matchmaking company haven’t got anybody. Though business is well.”

“It’s a pity”, I responded, “My client was also disappointed in the dates set up by the matchmaking company she had approached.”

My acquaintance mentioned having tried a few dating agencies, and that it seemed like a common case for women to not be able to find a suitable partner. She even hired a coach, which got her dating a guy she met online for a few months. And then she said she didn’t need coaching anymore. She said to me, “Regardless of how much inner work I do, statistically, there aren’t many men that suit my criteria.”

Is your work, like a lot of people living in a busy city, filling your relationship hole?

I live in Hong Kong. It’s a very busy city and the fifth most expensive place in the world. Statistically, I should be single. Statistically, I have no business talking to you about love and relationships. Because then I can blame statistics. The responsibility doesn’t lie with me, right?

Here’s the thing. Statistics aren’t telling you anything about you. What you need is to believe in yourself and your vision. This is where I find my clients struggle with the most.

The busyness helps them distract themselves so that they don’t have time to feel their emotions. It’s pretty sad if you ask me.

Life is about relationships.

Set Your Foundation Right

If you’re living in a city, your only criteria should be to find a friend. You want to build your relationship on the foundation of friendship which takes time, patience and practice.

Most of the time, women think they know what they want. But they let their past experiences color and match their future predictions. The result is that they are not living in the present.

Besides that, if you’re a single girl living in a city, financial independence is important to you. I get it. But if you take financial independence as everything and apply that to your life, including relationships, you’re in trouble.

Your financial independence adds little value to a man’s life.

Why? Because your financial independence adds little value to a man’s life. Sure it helps. But not in the way you think — equality, paying your share for dinners, sharing rent. These may have a place. But that’s NOT what your man will value you for. Ever!

What value are you bringing to the table? Think!

Think: Femininity

Do you cook? I mean real food. Not burgers and instant noodles. Can you bake?
Are you comfortable receiving compliments? Are you comfortable in your skin?
Do you argue? Can you park your ego? Are you open-minded and friendly enough to have a conversation without feeling entitled or changing topics when things get uncomfortable?
Do you have to be right or are you okay with having the relationship?
Are you okay with a man holding the door open for you, lifting heavy things for you and leading the relationship?

When you’re around a man who knows that he wants a relationship, energetically I can guarantee you, that’s the best thing for you. You will be happy to be led. It will feel right, I promise you.

Think: Fit

Do you take care of yourself — Physically, mentally, emotionally?

What has femininity got to do with finding a partner and upping your chances at winning at the dating game?

The answer is — EVERYTHING!

What are you busy doing?

When you are busy distracting yourself with work that doesn’t bring you satisfaction, you are using work to fill the relationship “hole” of your life. You don’t want to come home to that feeling of emptiness, so you stay out late or go shopping or go out with your friends every week. When you distract yourself from your feelings, you disconnect from you femininity.

Step back from time to time. Take stock of where you are. Evaluate your priorities if you’re not getting the results you’re looking for. Statistics are not going to tell you anything about you. The truth about you lies within you, waiting for you to get still, get quiet and listen.

When you find the courage to leave the “bitter”, you make room for the “better”. Do you believe in yourself?

If you do, then you will do everything to find the relationship you’re looking for. If not, then you’ll wear busyness as your badge of honor.

Busyness is a defense mechanism. It keeps you disengaged from what’s going on inside you, making you a disconnected person. So you can’t connect with others.

A final word of advice

When you’re single, the purpose of you dating is to find one person to settle down with in a committed relationship. If you have a checklist or a criteria, you won’t be able to see person for who they are. You will be busy ticking items of your checklists and criteria. It’s one thing to want a partner, and another thing to go around assessing people to match your checklist.

A busy mind is not helpful when it comes to manifesting something you deeply desire. Why? Because it goes against the first spiritual law of success — the law of pure potentiality.

No matter how much pleasure you find in work, it can never take the place of relationships. Nothing ever can.

Thank you for your time. You might find value in these free resources:

I would love to help you if you truly desire a deeply fulfilling relationship. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are worth it.

Thank you to the editor at Know Thyself Heal Thyself Diana C.