Is This the Worst Music You’ve Ever Heard in Your Entire Life?
Introducing the truly horrendous album ‘Philosophy of the World’ by The Shaggs
This is the stupidest music I’ve ever heard in my life.
I’m talking about the album Philosophy of the World by The Shaggs. It was recorded in 1969 in just one day and paid for by the father of the three sisters in the band.
What the hell was he thinking? They have zero musical talent. The result sounds like it was recorded by patients of a lunatic asylum in separate rooms.
None of the band members is in tune or in time with each other. And to top it all off, the lyrics seem to have been written by a demented 5-year-old.
Only 1,000 copies of the album were printed, and 900 of those went missing from the warehouse.
The “songs”
The “music” from this album is available on YouTube. I’ve included each track separately here.
Brace yourself, as this is pure drivel. Your ears might hate you for the rest of the day.
Philosophy of the World
The album starts with the title track, and here they start as they mean to go on. Out-of-tune guitars play chords at a different tempo to the drums. Badly sung vocals say:
All the rich people want what the poor people’s got And the poor people want what the rich people’s got And the skinny people want what the fat people’s got And the fat people want what the skinny people’s got
That Little Sports Car
The first few seconds of this are deceptive. At first, it sounds like it might be a bit more in time and in tune. But very soon, it’s just as bad as the first one.
So anyway, this is about a guy who drives a sports car and something about an oyster? And that following him is like being on a roller coaster?
Who Are Parents?
How many tempos, time signatures and keys is this “song” in? All of them, by the sounds of it!
This song is about how parents are the ones who really care. It’s a shame their dad didn’t care about the ears of anyone who had to listen to this nonsense.
My Pal Foot Foot
This sounds like over-excited young children given access to musical instruments for the first time.
As for the lyrics, they go something like this:
My pal’s name is Foot Foot He always likes to thump (?) My pal’s name is Foot Foot I never find him home I go to his house Knock at his door People come out and say “Foot Foot don’t live here no more”
My Companion
Here they do not attempt to even play proper chords. And the drummer seems to have recorded her part in a separate room immediately after being suddenly awoken from an insane fever dream.
I’m So Happy When You’re Near
A deep and meaningful song about someone that they really like. When that person is near them, they are happy. When that person is not near them, they are unhappy.
That person probably left because they couldn’t stand listening to this random noise.
But at 1:26, they have a burst of insight as they “sing”:
Sometimes I think we are completely insane
Things I Wonder
There might have been a few seconds somewhere here where the drums were in time with the guitars. It was probably accidental, though.
Anyway, this song is all about the different things they wonder about. The stars above, the birds that fly, your love, why you make her cry, why you have to say goodbye.
But what they don’t seem to wonder is whether they can play their instruments.
Sweet Thing
The beginning of this has some okay sounding chords. But 19 seconds in it’s the same awful out-of-tune noise with out-of-time drums.
It’s Halloween
Here they tell us that it’s Halloween and:
All the kids are happy and gay There doesn’t seem to be a cloud in their way But when it’s over And they’ve had all their fun They’d wish that Halloween had just begun
I can’t make out all of the next bit, but I think they say something like:
Oh, there are witches Goblins Vampires ??????? Frankinsteins and zombies And there are tramps Cinderella (?) Angels and gypsies
Why Do I Feel?
This is another one where I can’t quite hear what they are saying, but the first few lines sound like:
Sometimes I feel funny and cuddled up inside (?) Therefore some big gun (?) I’ve just got to fly
What Should I Do?
What should I do? What should I do? Tell me Tell me What should I do?
PLEASE STOP PLAYING!
He’s a sad boy He’s a bad boy He never gives me any joy
He’s probably sick of your awful music!
We Have a Savior
To me, this sounds like they are saying:
Why does the world go on, Owen? Why does everyone bike more and more? Don’t they know we have a savior? All we have to do is believe and pray
Why must we go on breathing? Why does anyone have to cry? Don’t they know we have a savior? Just look up toward the sky
BONUS: My Pal Foot Foot (Live 2017)
Unfortunately, the drummer died in 2006, but here are the other two singing My Pal Foot Foot in 20017:
What you do think?
Were they playing badly on purpose just for a laugh?
Or did they genuinely think they were good?
Or maybe they had no idea but their father just pushed them into it because he desperately wanted something like this to happen for them?
