Is There a Second Chance in Life?
My journey through a midlife crisis with lessons learned
Imagine yourself being old, reflecting on your life, and regretting not living authentically. So many rules were followed, so many “shoulds” were obeyed, so many concerns about others’ opinions, and so many talents remained unused.
You might have wished for a second chance to live it properly. Unfortunately, when you are old, it’s too late. The game is over.
The term midlife crisis was coined by Dr. Elliott Jaques in 1965 when he started experiencing limitations, restricted possibilities, and mortality. He said he lived three lives before, middle, and after the crisis, making him resilient. From my experience, this phase is pretty challenging for men.
According to this paper, “a midlife crisis in men is a challenging self-transformation period. It involves reevaluating how they perceive time, confronting their own mortality, reconsidering their life values and objectives, and planning for the latter part of their lives. The midlife crisis is influenced by changing social and psychological factors and individual predispositions.”
Personal Reflections on Midlife Crisis
I grew up in a family that didn’t deviate in any aspect from what was commonly accepted by society. Everything was in order, leading to an ordinary and comfortable life.
Although my family and society provided me with everything I needed (except for the self-confidence to live life and pursue things genuinely and authentically), my life didn’t unfold as I wanted.
Instead of being a proactive creator, I was more like a passive bystander, accepting whatever came my way. At least, this diagnosis was established by my psychologist during our introductory conversation.
Therefore, after a couple of decades, I ended up living the mainstream life of a person who is educated, married, lives in a 50m2 apartment, and works in a cubicle from 9 to 5.
Although I have experienced some bright moments here and there, generally speaking, my life has been pretty boring and predictable. I felt as if I knew exactly how it would unfold till the end.
While this kind of predictability may seem attractive to some, it was something I dreaded for me, especially since we have one and only one single life.
In my 40s, things started to change as I became aware of my conditioning and my innermost inclinations, which were lying repressed deep down inside me.
As I started to read a lot, I became especially attracted to authors like Joseph Campbell, Carl Jung, and Abraham Maslow, who talked about something I was missing, namely, authenticity and fulfillment. I enjoyed reading their work immensely because I felt they were talking directly to my soul.
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come” — J. Campbell
Once I became aware of the subtle voice inside my soul that resonated with such messages, it scared me because I understood that moving forward could wreak havoc on my life, turning it upside down.
Despite my efforts to repress those disturbing thoughts due to their disturbing nature, they continued to surface, each time with greater frequency and intensity.
Finally, the diagnosis was undoubtedly presented by itself: I was not living life according to my liking. I needed a second chance.
I entered a midlife crisis.
Midlife crisis is a term used to describe a psychological and emotional phenomenon that some individuals may experience during their middle years. It is often characterized by feelings of anxiety, dissatisfaction, and a sense of questioning one’s accomplishments, goals, and overall life direction.
The Drivers Behind Midlife Crisis
My midlife crisis was motivated by the desire for personal fulfillment. I wanted to become actively engaged in life and propelled by all those things that provoke inner joy and rapture. This included utilizing my talents, which have been lying dormant so far, educating myself, and having enough spare time for self-reflection. I also wanted freedom from senseless obligations, such as going to church, attending weekly gatherings of my relatives, and doing meaningless jobs at my workplace.
However, there can be another driving force behind the midlife crisis, and it is fear of aging and mortality. The passage of time may become increasingly tangible, and with it comes a sense of urgency. As we become older, wrinkles appear, we gradually lose our health, and the deaths of our peers become more common. All of this can make us more aware that our lives are running up and, sooner or later, they will come to an end.
In response to these harsh truths, some individuals might opt for cosmetic procedures like plastic surgery, engage in rigorous exercise regimens, or seek out experiences reminiscent of their younger years.
Midlife Crisis as a Wake-Up Call For Authenticity
In any case, a midlife crisis seems like a wake-up call that says, “Wake up, your life is coming to an end. Let’s do something that really matters. Let’s embrace the second chance to live up to our deepest inner cravings.“
This awakening fosters prioritization of things that matter to us and, consequently, spending the rest of our lives in a way that feels most fulfilling, whatever that is, such as indulging in luxuries, doing anti-aging treatments, committing to plastic surgery, buying a sports car, writing a book, moving to another country, starting a new career, living in seclusion, doing charity work, among other things.
Considering a midlife crisis as a catalyst for realigning our lives with our true desires, we can argue that it represents a significant step toward authenticity.
While some might question why actions like anti-aging treatments and plastic surgery can be considered authentic, it’s essential to recognize that authenticity is subjective and idiosyncratic. What feels genuine and authentic for one person may differ from another’s perspective.
Therefore, even when we may not personally agree with the steps others take to navigate a midlife crisis, it’s vital to understand that these steps may be meaningful and valid to them. What matters most is that individuals pursue what they truly want, even if their choices may later prove different or evolve.
The only question once we hear the call of a midlife crisis is whether we will accept it or not.
Encountering Societal Stigma
I accepted my call, but not from the very beginning. Perhaps the biggest concern that led me to postpone accepting the call and assimilating a new life trajectory was the question of how society, including my friends and relatives, would accept and approve of my sudden change in behavior.
I tried to keep a low profile, embarrassed about revealing and openly discussing it among my peers and relatives. I found it difficult to handle my disturbed feelings, especially since I sensed that I had let down the expectations others had for how my life should unfold. I felt as if I had to apologize for starting to live on my own.
The main challenge is going through something when you are not sure of how it is going to end up. An even greater challenge is to go against the society that may view your behaviour as erratic.
Of course, there is a chance that, in the end, everyone will applaud you, be proud of you, and pat you on the back. However, you have to survive somehow until that happens.
Although it could be that it is nothing else but my own projection, I still feel like there exists an unfortunate stigma around those experiencing this transformative phase. Individuals going through this process are often seen as erratic, unstable, or somehow deviating from societal norms.
Societal stigma can discourage open discussions about personal growth and self-discovery, hindering individuals from embracing the opportunity for positive change during this pivotal period in their lives.
The reason behind the stigmatization of midlife crisis could be found in the fact that those individuals who dare to go through it tend to challenge and disrupt the generally accepted mainstream view of life that many of us follow blindly and without too much thought.
“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls.”- Carl Jung
While judgment and a lack of understanding from society can add a burden and be highly discouraging for individuals going through a midlife crisis, like myself, it is essential not to give up but to persevere, face our inner demons, and courageously embrace the journey of personal transformation.
“What will they think of me, must be put aside for a bliss” — J. Campbell
Therefore, I realized that what the heck, it’s one life. I decided to prioritize myself over other people because I knew the last thing I wanted to experience was the feeling of guilt for letting down the expectations I had of myself.
Giving up on the brink of profound personal transformation could be truly devastating for personal self-esteem.
After all, it was nothing to be ashamed of since it represented an opportunity to live an authentic and fulfilling life.
A New Beginning, Not a Crisis
Midlife crisis truly is an opportunity for exploring our true selves, no matter how burdensome it may feel.
From this perspective, a midlife crisis isn’t a crisis in the traditional sense, like the one that a coronary patient may experience while being admitted to an ER due to heart problems. Instead, it is a beautiful thing worth pursuing.
Midlife crisis is a crisis similar to the one a caterpillar undergoes in its transformation into a butterfly.
In a sense, it represents a new life—a second chance.
The essence of this “crisis” lies not in reverting to the previous state that a coronary patient would find desirable. We’ve already been there. Instead, its essence lies in crossing a threshold and embarking on a journey where authentic living is about to unfold.
Therefore, it is in society's and individuals' best interest to support this journey, whether for ourselves or others. A world where everyone is living authentically is indeed a better world.
Seizing the Second Chance
Finally, the point of midlife crisis is beautifully reflected in Viktor Frankl’s words:
“Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time.” — V. Frankl
Imagine yourself being old, reflecting on your life, and regretting not living authentically. You might have wished for a second chance to live it properly. Unfortunately, when you are old, it’s too late. Game over.
Now, you have a second chance. Now is the time for action. What are you going to do about it?
As a result of my midlife crisis, I have freed myself from many obligations and things that “should be done.” Instead, I have embraced a life with plenty of time for solitude, reflection, and creative expression. It’s not over yet, and I don’t know how it will end up. But I can tell you that I feel more alive today than ever.
Thank you for reading my story.
If you enjoyed this story, you may also check out an insightful case-study story on this platform titled Signs of a Midlife Crisis and Managing This Blessings in Disguise from a unique perspective aligning with my story.
Here is some information about my background written by editors of ILLUMINATION.
