Is There a Need for the Opposite Sex?

I think there is, and here's why I do.

Is there a need for the opposite sex in later life? The bearing of children is over. Your sex life is complete. You are heading toward the end of your lifetime. Why not live alone and at peace with yourself?

I think there is a reason to have someone in your life.

Let me tell you a story.

A woman in her sixties came to our senior home about five years ago.

In her active life, she was a news reporter, a journalist, if you will. She worked for a local newspaper for years. She wrote one book about her early life.

When she arrived, she was confused. She thought the place had seven floors. We have only three. She thought she owned seven cats, but she had only two.

Then she met a man named Jerry. He was young enough to be her son, but they hit it off.

Soon she wrote a letter to our in-house publication stating how happy she was in her new home. How friendly everyone is. Without directly referring to the new man in her life, we knew Jerry was responsible for her newfound happiness.

They ate together, walked together, spent time talking, and were indeed a couple.

After three years, her joy of life came crashing down. Jerry died suddenly.

I talked with her shortly afterward. I told her I did not know he was not well and near death.

She said she did not know either. “Now, Jerry is gone.”

Gradually she removed herself from the active scene and became a recluse. She would forget to eat. The staff would go and bring her down to the dining room or take a meal up to her.

When she came down on her own, she was barefoot, frequently unbathed.

She was constantly looking for her dead friend. Plaintively, she would ask, “Have you seen Jerry?”

They took her cats away. She was not feeding them, and they were wandering outside her apartment.

It became clear to management that she was no longer an independent person. She required close supervision.

The staff quietly shipped her out to an assisted living location.

I can understand how this woman would return to her previous state. She was imbalanced when she arrived. Jerry’s attention snapped her back to normalcy for a time. Once he was gone, the imbalance returned.

She did have three years of normalcy—a bonus of three more years than she had before.

This is only one story, but it does indicate that we need one another at this time of our lives.

A companion to keep us in balance. Someone to talk with and share our concerns.

I faced a similar situation in coping with the loss of a lady I loved.

We met four and a half years ago.

Del was six months younger than I. She was twice widowed. We liked each other from the moment we met.

Our friendship grew into a complete senior love, with all the togetherness age and life could engender.

When Del died, my attitude followed the recommendation of Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Emerson practiced resilience. Wherein you cope with sorrow and grief differently. Instead of “self-care” and “healing,” he offers an aggressive affirmation of the will and hard work. Work at whatever your skill may be. Keep fully occupied.

When his first wife died at age 19 of tuberculosis and his son, Waldo, died at age 5 of scarlet fever, Emerson did not stay still. He took action.

In his essay “Self Reliance,” He says, “Life only avails not the having lived. Power ceases in the moment of repose; it resides in the moment of transition from a past to a new state, in the shooting of the gulf, in the darting to an aim.”

This was how I coped with the death of Del. It helped guide me through a difficult time in my personal life.

The problem is, others will see it as casual. As if I did not care or grieve enough. I must disregard such misunderstandings.

I loved Del very much, but I had to be as strong as steel. Resilient.