Is The World Full of Narcissists?

Is it really a pandemic of narcissists? Or are we over-labeling or being overly judgmental?

I was asked by one of my clients recently “Are there really so many narcissists in the world?” Facebook is full of narcissistic abuse support groups. Instagram is full of #narcissisticabuse. YouTube is full of videos on narcissism. This made me think that there must be people out there living with the perception that the world is full of narcissists and they just can’t escape them.

Well, the reality is a bit different. No doubts that it does look like there has been an increase in narcissists as the word narcissism has taken over the world lately.

From the ex-president of the world's strongest country to toxic ex-boyfriends, from downright rude actors to a jilted manipulative girlfriend, everyone is being labeled as a narcissist these days.

Is everybody turning into a narcissist or what?

There are a few reasons for the explosion of narcissism (as it appears) in today's times.

Social media and the use of #narcissism

Congratulations, we have successfully added another mental disorder to our everyday vocabulary. The hashtag narcissist is trending, used in a sentence casually just like the word “psycho” which is short for “Psychopath”. The term narcissist has become a common word in our everyday conversation. We do not hesitate to use it for anyone who is reactive, rude, bossy, selfish, or disrespectful to us.

If someone gets dumped by his/her lover/partner they just label their partner a narcissist, without enough knowledge of this serious disorder. The very first thing they do is Google the narcissistic traits and diagnose their ex with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Now they validate their diagnosis and pain on various “Narcissistic abuse support groups” and other communities on social media.

I have seen people asking questions like “Have you noticed narcs like to wear black?” You will find 100 + people validating such statements by commenting something like “Yeah, they like black because it matches their dark souls”.

There are several Facebook groups, Instagram accounts, and Youtube videos on narcissism, and everywhere you can see thousands of likes and comments by the victims of narcissistic abuse. This does make it look like the world is full of narcissists. But is it?

In fact, there are many people who are there for a short visit. These people join these communities after their break-ups or fights with their partners in search of a quick validation. Many of them become invisible as soon as they get patched up with their ex or find another one.

Social media & low self-esteem

Narcissistic traits are the byproduct of low self-esteem. People’s self-esteem has lowered with the rise of Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook which show unachievable beauty standards and create an invisible pressure of looking rich, arrogant, happy, and perfect. People have become less and less empathetic and more selfish and self-centered because of the nature of social media. The struggle and race to get online validation are on an all-time high. We have become thirsty for this temporary shallow ego boost through likes, comments, and emojis.

The lack of recognition, validation, and failure to impress online gives birth to low self-esteem. And the attempt to hide the low self-esteem in real life has given a serge to narcissistic traits, but this does not make a person a narcissist.

You will also find many influencers promoting narcissistic traits, like being rude, inconsiderate of others, selfish, oppressive, and abusive as the traits of an “Alfa”, and some would even proudly use #narcissist on their photos.

Narcissism in society

Narcissistic traits have always been there in our society but remained disguised under different names. The expressions like “the man of the house” or “Manliness” comes with entitlement which is highly oppressive and promotes narcissistic traits.

Most of the parents in the ’70s and '80s (especially fathers) showed narcissistic traits consciously or unconsciously. It was common for them to not be aware of the emotional needs of their wives and children resulting in a dysfunctional family and emotionally unstable grownups.

If you watch old movies you will find that most of the protagonists were displaying narcissistic traits in the name of masculinity and manliness.

Narcissism is in no way based on gender, narcissistic traits can be found in anyone and everyone to different degrees. It is not just the males, females show narcissistic traits too. Many females who are labeled as narcissists by their partners have low self-esteem and insecurities. Hence they end up being controlling, manipulative, and sometimes abusive. This once again does not make them a narcissist.

Having narcissistic traits and having narcissistic personality disorder are two very different things. We as humans have empathy as well as selfishness in our personalities. We all can project some narcissistic traits in life but this doesn’t make everyone a narcissist.

Narcissistic personality disorder has been found in around “0 to 6.2 percent of the total population in community studies, for a long time now” according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (APA, 2015). These studies and research can only give an idea, which can be far from reality. A big percentage of narcissists go undetected as it’s very difficult to get a narcissist to a therapist to get officially diagnosed.

When researchers say that narcissism is on a rise they mean narcissistic traits, not narcissists.

We can’t deny the fact that narcissistic abuse has gotten much-needed attention because of social media. People have become aware of Narcissistic abuse and are talking about it openly. They are sharing their experiences and getting much-needed support and professional help like never before. People are more informed and have enough resources to recognize narcissistic traits and abuse easily.

So, is the world full of narcissists?

No, it would be unfair to say so. The world is seeing a rise in narcissistic traits in people but that doesn't mean that there is an epidemic of narcissistic personality disorder.

Our minds are designed to be negatively biased, so once you get hurt by someone with narcissistic traits, you by default start to see narcissism in everyone and begin diagnosing everyone with this disorder. Your pain is validated, your hurt is real. Giving yourself an understanding of what has happened to you and healing yourself is important. It may be somebody’s narcissistic traits that hurt you or you’ve had an unfortunate encounter with a narcissist, in both cases the pain is real and you deserve to heal from it.

The world still has loving, understanding people in it. Once you heal yourself and get yourself out of this narcissism support community then you will automatically see a decline in narcissism around you.

If you feel like you have been abused (psychologically, physically, emotionally) then seek professional help to guide you in the right direction. Remember, self-love is the key to keeping yourself safe and healing yourself if you have encountered narcissistic abuse.