Is The Lack of Confidence Holding You Back

The moment that changed my life — all because I believed in myself

So many people miss great opportunities in their lives just because they don’t believe in themselves. They don’t believe they deserve the chance, they doubt themselves, and they question their abilities. And so, in the end, they reject themselves before they even take the chance to chase their dreams.

The below article originally was an inspirational speech that I wrote years ago after my experience with helping a few of my friends to find new jobs. They all were excellent in their fields, intelligent, educated, had all the relevant skills, and the only thing they lacked was confidence. I couldn’t believe they were about to throw away the best chances of their life! So I told the story of how I emigrated to Germany. I didn’t meet the main requirement to be accepted in that program yet… I managed to convince my interviewer to give me a chance. I will never forget his final words to me “(…) I sign your papers. You are simply too smart to waste your life in this country. I will give you a chance, and now it’s up to you what do you do with this — use it or lose it all.”

How most people search for jobs

Humans are fascinating creatures. They consider themselves highly intelligent, though their behaviour often seems somewhat irrational. For example, have you ever paid attention to how many of them chase their dream career?

They read a job advertisement: “Oh yes, this is my dream job! I always wanted to be (put a job title here)”, and then they go through the requirements and… “Oh no, I can’t do this; I am not good at that… I don’t have enough experience at this… and I am sure there are plenty of other candidates much more suitable for this position than I am….”

Why would you do that? You said it was your dream job, and now you are trying to prove you are the worst candidate for the position? Where is the logic in this? Do you want to prove you are the biggest loser? Oh well, this could be a good thing when you are competing in a weight-losing challenge, but in life?! The biggest loser in life?! Do you want to make yourself feel dejected and depressed? Oh well, fair enough, but then there are plenty of other events in our everyday life which can push us down; we don’t need to put extra effort to feel miserable.

By the way, do you think only women do that? Oh no, many men are equally good at that; they just don’t talk about it… Actually, the only ones who surely never do this are alpha-males (oh yeah, they believe they can do anything and everything, even if they are hopeless at that) and… alpha-females (if such a word exists).

There are also some who apply for the position anyway, but they don’t believe they deserve it… I’m sorry, but how do you expect others to believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself? How do you expect others to accept you if you are rejecting yourself?

My mindset when I look for a job

It’s not how I do things. Firstly I never read anything I am not interested in. I mean, if you read a job-add and then you are trying to prove you are the worst candidate for the position, obviously you aren’t really interested in the position. Why do you bother reading it? Save your time, don’t read it!

So I read only what I am interested in, and then I will do anything possible to prove I am the best candidate for the position; I meet all the requirements, even if the entire world tells me otherwise.

The interview that changed my entire life

Here is a story that happened to me more than two decades ago. It was the point when my life took a 180 degrees turn, and I started turning my dreams into reality.

I was in my early twenties, again without a proper job, working as a babysitter. In my younger years, I was very successful in losing each and every job I got, except babysitting. For some mysterious reason, kids never fired me.

One day my sister’s friend told me about an association organising cultural exchange programs with Germany to give young Polish people a chance to improve their language skills while working as Au Pair in Germany. I couldn’t speak German at all, but… who cares, I applied for the position anyway, and a few weeks later, I got invited to an interview, which should be in German…

“But you don’t speak German? How are you want to pass the interview?!” — everybody wondered.

“Who knows, maybe they speak Polish,” — I replied.

“That’s ridiculous; you will just make a full of yourself….”

Oh well, I am making an idiot of myself a few times a day, every single day of the year, so one time more or less won’t make any difference. And so I went to the interview.

At the interview

As you can imagine, it didn’t take long, and the interviewer exclaimed in Polish… “You don’t speak German!”

“I speak a little bit… But anyway, you speak Polish,” — I replied confidently

“That’s not the point! You knew the interview would be in German, and you came here unable to speak the language?! You are not meeting the main requirement, so what are you doing here! Just waiting my time!” — continued the interviewer in an agitated voice

“That’s not true; I am meeting the requirements. I have plenty of experience with children!” — I responded in a self-assured way

“Maybe, but you don’t speak German!”

“We are talking about children. Are you telling me that my language skills are more important than the well-being of children? Are kids, their safety, and happiness not important?”

“Of course, they are most important!”

“Exactly, so we agree that the main requirement is being good with children. Look at my references — for example, this family with three kids at the age of one, three, and five. I worked with them for eight months, full-time, five days a week, from waking them up to putting them to bed, and half-day every Saturday. Read what their parents wrote about me,” — I stated, handing him my references

He read my references and said, “Yes, they are really good, but….”

“No, no but look here. At this family, I have been working full-time for five months so far. Their three-years-old daughter is severely handicapped, she has acute hydrocephalus, and as a result, she is blind, deaf, can’t speak, can’t walk, and actually can’t even sit on her own. With all respect, she is like a plant making a terrible buzzing noise. Read what her parents wrote about me.”

“Yes, I can see you have great references ….”

“So, when you look at my references, you agree that I am a great candidate for an AU-Pair. I was able to look after so many different kids; it means I can look after any child,” — I interrupted him before he could finish his sentence

“Yes, that’s true, you would be a great Au-pair, but….”

“No, no but,… What is the main goal, the purpose of your organisation? To give young people, like me, a chance to improve their German skills, isn’t it?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“So, I can speak German only very little, which means there is plenty of space for improvement for me, isn’t there?”

“This for sure” — he laughed

“You see, I already meet two requirements!” — I replied triumphally

He laughed, shook his head, and continued:

“And how are you going to communicate with the family? They don’t speak Polish for sure!”

“I’ll learn German.”

“But you don’t speak German now.”

“But I am not going now! I am going in 3 months!” — I didn’t give up

“Are you saying in 3 months you are able to learn the language good enough to be able to communicate with the family?” — he asked, somewhat stunned

“Yes, of course, I can! If I couldn’t, I wouldn’t be here,” — I replied confidently, thinking to myself, “How on earth am I going to do it?!”

“You are incredible” — he laughed again and continued “, Okay, let’s assume I sign the papers for you, but you won’t be able to learn the language, and you will be sent back home. Are you aware you will lose all the money you paid for the program because it’s non-refundable? Furthermore, you won’t be able to apply for any exchange program. You will be stuck here without any chances for international experiences. Are you aware of this? Do you still want me to sign it? “

The consequences were horrifying, I put all my money (and more) into the program, and if it didn’t work out, I would be in… terrible place (you would need to walk in my shoes at that time to understand the seriousness of the consequences). Nonetheless, I confidently replied, “Yes, I know, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and… yes, I want to take it, I want to go.”

“You know what… I interviewed four people before you, and I sent them all home because their German wasn’t good enough. And on the contrary to you, they could speak German. Nonetheless, I sign your papers. You are too smart to waste your life in this country. I will give you a chance, and now it’s up to you what do you do with this — use it or lose it all.”

After the interview, and the beginning of my new life in Germany

The following weeks were filled with long hours of German studies. I couldn’t afford any German classes/lessons, so I learned on my own. Three months later, I met the family I would be living with for the following year. They were wonderful people; I was lucky to get such a great family.

The introduction, however, was rather funny. We chatted, but obviously, I struggled to understand, not to mention to express myself, but I did my best. In the end, the father said: “Don’t worry, your officer told us you were a bit shy, and you would struggle a bit at the beginning, but… three months and you will be fine”. Oh well, we all know from where the three months came.

It wasn’t easy; it required a lot of hard work, determination, and perseverance, but I had a wonderful year with the family, and I didn’t waste the chance life (or the interviewing officer) gave me because… the next step in my journey through life was… enrolling into a German university, at that time the third-best technical university in Europe, but I will leave this story for another time.

Life lessons I learned which could help you too

When I tell people this story, most of them say: “Oh well, you were lucky; you had a wise interviewer and a wonderful understanding family”.

Isn’t it fascinating how people always notice the 5–10% of good luck I had in life, but hardly anybody notices the 90–95% of hard work, determination, perseverance, and in some respect, sacrifices I put into whatever I have done so far?

Yes, I was lucky, but… I gave the good luck a chance to meet me. I took the first step towards success, and against all odds, I applied for the position. And then, during the interview, I concentrated on my strength, not on my weaknesses, though even my weaknesses I used to my benefit (as I said in the interview, I couldn’t speak German, so there was plenty of space for improvement for me)

What would the good luck give me, the wise interviewer, the wonderful family, if I didn’t get up from my comfortable couch and start walking? I would have never met them. (oh, that’s right, I was lucky again, I didn’t have a comfortable couch to sit on in the first place, but… I surely had some chair to sit on).

What I am trying to say is, if you want to be successful (or lucky, however you want to call it) in life, then make the first step, start walking and give the good luck a chance to meet you. Concentrate on your strength, recognise and know your weaknesses, work on improving yourself and turn your weaknesses into your strengths.

If you are hiding behind the delusive safety walls of your comfort zone, you will never achieve much in life. I can’t guarantee you success. Nonetheless, I can guarantee you that if you don’t start walking, you will fail. People are scared to play the game of life because they are afraid of losing, but guess what, if you don’t start playing, you lost already.

If you want others to believe in you, believe in yourself (just don’t be over-confident, but… that’s a different story). If you want others to accept you, then stop rejecting yourself.

Originally this was an inspirational speech I presented on a few occasions. Some time ago I recorded it and posted it on YouTube. If you prefer the spoken version of it, you can watch it here (it’s definitely more dynamic than the read version on Medium; I’m quite energetic ;) )

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